


A Role to Remember

by forceofduality



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actor/Actress AU, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, And love, College Student Rey (Star Wars), Doggy Style, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual student/teacher relationship, F/M, Kylo: "she's wasting her talent", Light Bondage, Loss of Virginity, Manipulative Relationship, Mental Illness, Modern AU, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Possessive Behavior, Professor Ren, Rey: "he's an arrogant prick", Reylo - Freeform, Sex, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering, You Have Been Warned, and filth, and questionable contracts, and toxicity, engineering student, enter the acting industry, for more, get ready, get ready for some fun, he can't understand why she won't be an actress, hidden relationship continues, it's a weird mixture of fluff, kylo ren is really passionate about acting, lots of fighting, one accidental boner leads to some revelations, rey and ren just wanna go public, rey has a hidden talent for acting, rey only took the class for an easy a, the plot doesn't end after she graduates, theater teacher, two things that do not quite mix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-01-05 18:34:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21213191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forceofduality/pseuds/forceofduality
Summary: We know what you've come for. A smutty Professor/Student AU that turns into a Hollywood Power Couple AU. Oh, except there's plenty of plot. And Kylo Ren is pretty toxic (but this isn't a darkfic, so it's not THAT bad, as you can see from the lack of archive warnings.) Basically, if fluff is white chocolate and darkfics are 100% cacao, this is for you if you like between 60-70% dark chocolate.Enjoy.





	1. Class is in Session

Every day Ren walked into this auditorium was another day he questioned his life choices. 

He was only supposed to be an assistant professor. Little more than a GTA, grading papers and designing mind-numbing PowerPoints. He wasn’t exactly cut out for much more, since teaching itself was a last resort when the need to pay rent overrode his pride. Yet here he was, the one and only professor for Acting 1000, all because his poncho-wearing, kombucha-drinking idiot of an uncle had to take yet _ another _ sabbatical.

Well, that and Ren had blown up on one director too many. 

Despite all his experience and talent, the world of acting was political above else. To say Ren lacked ‘people skills’ was an understatement. Arrogance and dramatics could be tolerated (or even applauded, in A-list actors) but Ren… “took it to another level”. But only according to most major tabloids. 

What the hell did they know, anyway? 

In any case, here he was: standing in for a relative he never cared to talk to again, teaching students who didn’t care to learn. Two weeks in, and they started dropping out in droves. Ren couldn’t be more relieved. Less papers to give ‘F’s to, less abysmal performances to watch—and though he had no interest in getting _ close _ to his students, he preferred to memorize only a handful of names and faces. He could even remember some of their proficiencies and failings. 

Dameron, for example, was actually a decent actor—but was all too aware of it, so he volunteered to an annoying extent. Tico couldn’t emote worth a damn, but she was adept at analyzing themes in class readings. Storm was…well, stiff as a board and better off playing a tree or a rock or any kind of set piece that didn’t require movement or speech. But he at least completed the readings.

The last student to come in today, however, Ren couldn’t remember a thing about. She shuffled into the room, clad in the usual student uniform of leggings and an oversized hoodie. ‘Coruscant University’ was stitched in gold thread across the chest, though the top of the ‘U’ flopped over slightly. 

She took a spot in the back corner of the room, slumped into her seat, and tugged her hood high over her head. Had she ever once raised her hand? Given how she was trying to disappear, he doubted it. This bullshit timidity could pass in a huge lecture hall, but not now. Not on his watch.

“You.” 

Heads turned as he leaned against his desk, pointing at the girl. “What’s your name?”

Her eyes, which had trained themselves on the window, snapped to his, and she stiffened. Her throat bobbed, and as the moment stretched he wondered if she was mute. Certainly would explain why he couldn’t remember her ever speaking in his class before.

“Rey Jakken.” When she finally answered, her voice surprised him with its clarity and strength. “My name is Rey Jakken, Professor Ren.” 

Rey Jakken, Rey Jakken… the name sounded familiar enough to know she was definitely enrolled for this class, but he still couldn’t remember anything else that stood out about her—good or bad. Even now as he tried to get a read on her, staring into her eyes until it was sure to be uncomfortable, she didn’t seem nervous… but not defiant either. 

Damn this ambiguity. He needed to know right from the start whether or not someone was going to be a thorn in his side. 

“Well, Rey…since you obviously have been avoiding class participation all semester, why don’t you do the first reading for the next play we’re covering?” 

As he motioned her to come to the front, he half hoped she’d forgotten to check today’s readings. When his ‘top students’ put him to sleep with their monotone delivery, he’d much rather witness a hilariously awful performance, or else cause a nervous breakdown. 

His wish seemed to come true as panic flitted across her features, before she hid her face from view and reached into her bag. After a bit of shuffling, she extracted the class booklet of plays, only for him to find it outlined with brightly-colored tabs. 

So she_ had _ done her reading. But could such a mouse _ act? _

Probably not. 

She studiously avoided eye contact with him as she approached the stage. Before she’d even climbed the stairs, she looked to him for direction.

“Perform the opening monologue, given aside by Padmé Amidala,” he said, pushing his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose. 

She flipped the booklet to a yellow tab without hesitation. Arching a brow, Ren watched from the edge of his desk, arms crossed and eyes narrowed as she began. 

“I have sat in the Senate, I have met with dignitaries and leaders from countries far more powerful than my own, I have governed over a nation of people, so why does the anticipation of this one meeting cause me to feel so anxious? He is but a knight tasked with protecting the peace of the realm, and I am a Senator…”

She paced as she read, mimicking the nervousness of Padmé in her tense shoulders and fractured tone. 

“But in my mind’s eye, I see a doll-faced young boy whose sweetness rivaled honey and courage rivaled that of a bullfighter. Though I know when he walks through that door, he will no longer be that child. Perhaps I am scared that he has changed beyond all recognition. What if he is no longer sweet? What if his courage has turned to hubris?” 

She stiffly turned her head towards an unheard knock on an unseen door, and finished her last line in a resolute command. “The time of wondering is over. You may enter.” 

She...wasn’t bad. Honestly, he was amazed she didn’t stumble over any words, particularly with this kind of elevated speech. She even made an effort with the blocking–most students ignored that, or worse, read the stage directions_ aloud _(though this particular crime ceased after he reduced Pava to tears.)

Still, that didn’t mean there wasn’t room for improvement. When Rey started back towards her seat, he stopped her with a snap his fingers. 

“We’re not done yet.” 

Annoyance clouded her expression as she slowly turned and made her way back to the stage. Only once she’d returned to the stage stage did he finally dish out his feedback. 

“Your delivery is clear, and anyone can see what emotion you’re _ pretending _ to feel, but it’s artificial. You have to draw on something genuine. Maybe a time in the past when you were anxious and unsure—perhaps the nervousness you feel now...” 

She actually rolled her eyes at his instruction. It was subtle, but he couldn’t miss it. His first instinct was to call her out for it, but ultimately, he decided against it. There was actual potential here, and he’d be damned if he let it go to waste.

“Let’s see how you do with the next scene when Anakin enters.”

He could’ve called up male student to counter her dialogue, but that would only be a detriment to her performance. Finn Storm’s nervous, unconvincing delivery would distract her, and Poe Dameron would, no doubt, push her aside to shove himself into the spotlight.

If Ren wanted something done right, he had to do it himself. 

Considering this was his favorite play (and he’d played the role of Anakin several times), he launched straight into his lines without aid from the booklet. 

“Could it be that my eyes deceive me? What sweet spell has been cast to see the impossible; perfection that could grow even more perfect? It seems that angel from my childhood has been tasked to carry out heaven’s will through the earthly office of Senator.” He knelt without pause as he imagined the dingy auditorium to instead be a shining Broadway stage. “A master of my craft, I may not be yet, but you shall never find a more devoted servant to protect you from all evil.” 

Despite his best efforts, he could never perform quite as well in class as he had on stage. It was beyond difficult to draw up genuine passion in a soul-sucking place like this. Why bother to pour his heart into a role when it was only an _ example, _ all for the sake of ungrateful, undisciplined children who wouldn’t know good acting if it hit them in the face?

It was also unfortunate he had to give such an example using this particular scene. He could perfectly reenact every scene where Anakin expressed fear, doubt, jealousy, anger… His subconscious had no shortage of negative emotions to use for theatrical purposes. But romantic dialogue always sounded forced and awkward coming from him, even when everyone else seemed satisfied with his performance.

He trudged through his lines on autopilot until he noticed something odd. Was Rey blushing? He’d assume it was just embarrassment, but her face wasn’t this red when he’d made her read earlier. His voice wavered a bit as he pondered this, and he nearly cursed himself for it until he heard the line improve. Anakin wouldn’t be smooth and confident when meeting Padme for the first time in a decade–he’d be a barely contained, nervous wreck. 

Rey delivered her response without delay. “Is that truly little Ani? My, how you’ve grown. Where is that young boy I knew from Tatooine? Oh, please stop your genuflecting. You and I are too friendly for me to allow you to lower yourself before me.” 

The tension he tried to maintain for his next line suddenly became very, very real when Rey stepped closer, placing a warm, soft palm on his jaw. 

“I must admit to being worried this cruel world would have jaded you, but I see now I worried for nothing. You have grown into an honorable young man, Anakin. I will feel safe under your protection,” she said, her voice deceivingly tender.

Countless actresses had touched him like this for rehearsals and performances, but his students never went that far, no matter what the stage directions said–and vice versa. The most he’d do was put a hand on someone’s shoulder if the script demanded it. 

He had the insane urge to bend that rule now as he soaked in the oh-so-convincing affection in her eyes, the slight curve to her lips, the warmth of her fingers against his skin…

He’d planned to run through the entire scene, as it was the only way to ensure she grasped the point he was trying to make. But with one unexpected gesture, she’d wiped away all the lines etched on his heart, as if they were mere words on a chalkboard. 

“That’s…much better. You can return to your seat now…” He cleared his throat, tearing himself away from her to face the class. “Did everyone see the difference there, between imitating an emotion and genuinely projecting it?” 

A few students nodded at his question. However, he noticed more were flipping through their booklets, as if trying to find the stage direction that prompted student-teacher contact. 

As Rey took her seat, Ren firmly kept his eyes away from her, shifting it between every other student as he continued the lecture. His speech was more agitated than usual, riddled with pauses as he struggled to remember the phrases and concepts he wanted to cover.

_ The hell is wrong with you? This is elementary theatre, Ren, how hard can it be to explain basic terminology? _ The automatic self-flagellation only made him tripped over yet another word. Glancing towards the clock, he sighed as he saw he only had fifteen minutes left. 

_ Fuck it. _

“Let’s call it here for today.” 

Several pairs of eyes went wide as his students stared between him and each other. Ren was only known for extending class, not cutting it short. As they shuffled to pack their bags, he remembered one last detail. 

“Before you go, I want you all to pick a monologue from one of the plays we’ve covered and start memorizing it. Since I always favor practical application over mindless test-taking, your final will be an audition for one of my own plays, which will be performed at the end of the year. There’s not that many of you left, so you’ll have to do horrendously in your audition–and likely, fail the course–to get out of participating. So for the sake of your college career…_ put some effort into it. _” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Jessa here. This work was made in collaboration with another writer and friend, Julia. It has been adapted from its original RP format into a story that we are both very excited to share with you! We hope you enjoy, and look forward to your thoughts and feelings in the comments!


	2. A Train Wreck in Slow Motion

Rey Jakken, Junior at Coruscant University, had only enrolled in a theater class for an easy A. As she’d been reviewing her graduation requirements she realized, much to her chagrin, she was missing a fine arts elective. If she didn’t take a course this semester, she could say goodbye to her plan to graduate by Spring. Thankfully (or so she thought), the perfect class had fallen into her lap. The professor was rumored to be a bearded old hippie too consumed by “spiritual enlightenment” to pay much attention to any actual work being done in his class. 

Easy A? Check. Simple homework? Check. The ability to sneakily study for other courses during the class? Check.

_ Perfect. _

But the man who had breezed into class the first day had been decidedly _ not _ old, _ not _ bearded, and _ very much a famous friggin’ actor. _

Even Rey knew he was famous when she saw him; she wasn’t what one would call a ‘connoisseur of the arts’, more interested in the construction of engines than celebrity gossip, but Kylo Ren was _ notorious. _He was, reportedly, a brilliant actor with a fuse as long as a grain of rice.

Despite the sudden change, she’d been too curious about the new professor to drop the class. The whole campus was buzzing; the waiting list had spiked to record numbers when it was leaked that a famous actor would join the Coruscant faculty.

In that first week of the fall semester, she had considered herself lucky. She didn’t have any interest in pursuing acting, but having an actual actor teaching her theater class inspired her to learn. Maybe the class could be ‘that one fun elective’ she used to get her mind off the stress of her major.

Those feelings faded by the second week, when Professor Ren turned out to be an absolute monster. He was crabby, rude, snappy, and had some kind of kink for making students cry for innocent mistakes.

Her classmates dropped out like flies despite the missed add/drop deadline. Rey didn’t have that flexibility; if she dropped this class, she risked losing her scholarship. She’d be flung back into the desert junk heap she’d fought to claw her way out of. Quitting was _ not _an option.

For the majority of the semester, she’d kept under Professor Ren’s radar, coasting through the course in relative comfort. Most students who remained enrolled in the class were hard-core theater nerds, like Poe Dameron, who jumped into the spotlight whenever the opportunity presented itself. Rey did her assignments, turned in her papers, and dutifully checked off her name on the attendance sheet each class period. She did nothing to draw attention to herself, which had worked rather well.

Until today.

Now, she sat with her head in her hands and her eyes trained in her lap as she questioned what in the _ hell _had possessed her to actually touch her professor’s cheek. She didn’t know why she’d done it; only that, in the moment, it just felt like the right thing to do. The world just melted away as she sunk into the scene. The words had jumped from the page, into her mind, becoming her own, and then escaped past her lips. When the scene ended, it had felt as though her mind were floating back from the depths of the ocean.

“Let’s call it here for today.” 

Her head snapped up at the announcement. More than eager to get out, she bent over her bag and scrambled to pack up when the professor called out again. Freezing, she reluctantly straightened back up. Her brows furrowed slightly as he spoke about upcoming auditions… _ Wait, what? _ He expected them to take time out of their finals schedules to do an _ audition? _

As everyone filed out of the room, Poe excitedly chatting about the monologues he’d like to perform, Rey marched to the front of the class. Professor Ren slumped over his desk, sighing in a bone-weary way as he organized his notes for the next class. He didn’t notice her approach until she spoke up.

“Excuse me, professor?”

His eyes flew from his notes, sharp gaze landing on hers. “What do you want?”

“I, uhm, I’d honestly prefer a paper exam,” she began, rushing to explain when he raised a brow, “I have a ton of studying to do for my other finals and I, well, I don’t really see the purpose in auditioning for a play that I couldn’t take part in anyway…” 

She trailed off when he actually _ rolled his eyes _ at her, her brows furrowing in frustration as he drawled, “ You’re asking me to create an entire exam, just for you, because you don’t want to _ act _ in an _ acting course _ that you signed up for?” 

His stare only grew more pointed as he continued. “If you think an audition will take up more time than studying for one of my tests, you’re wrong. You’ve been in this class long enough to know the exams are not easy. A final would be no different.”

She supposed she should have seen this response coming, but it still chafed. Especially when he took on such a patronizing tone. It wasn’t _ that _ unreasonable of a request, even if it was an acting class. But then again… it _ was _an acting class.

“Alright, fine. You have a good point. Then… it’s just the audition that our final grade is based on, right?”

He inclined his head, and relief washed over her. 

“So that means that even if you want to cast any of us, it’s not going to hurt our grade if we don’t actually agree to do the play?” 

She knew she was playing with fire, but she needed the clarification. There was no way in hell that she could actually _ do _a play, even when the semester ended. She had to pay her bills, which meant working at least two jobs day and night once classes finished for winter break.

Eyes narrowing, he quickly shook his head, holding up a finger. Her throat clenched, and her jaw shut with a click_ . _

“There is no ‘if you agree’. If your audition doesn’t make me want to claw my eyes out, you’re getting a part, and you’re going to show up for it. No discussion.” 

Her mouth dropped open, indignantly, like a fish. It was a damn trap, then! If she didn’t do well in her audition, then she’d get a bad final grade. If she gave it her all, then he might cast her even as a background character or a tree or something. And she couldn’t refuse?!

She was seconds away from asking if he was going to hold them all hostage and force them to perform after auditioning, before something in his expression shifted.

He leaned closer, looking up at her over his glasses with a much softer gaze than before. “From what I’ve seen today, you have potential—potential that you, unfortunately, have chosen to ignore…”

She shifted from one foot to another, taken aback by his praise. It was… Well, _ very _unexpected. He was known for criticizing, not complimenting. 

“...so if you want special treatment, the least you can do is enlighten me on your situation. What’s the deal? You have a kid at home or something that’s taking up so much of your time?” 

Her expression immediately soured again. What a condescending ass, asking if she had a kid– did she _ look _like she had a kid?! 

“_ No _ . My _ deal _ is that I have two jobs to work in the summer. My _ situation _is that I’m a scholarship student and fully self-sufficient. I’d like to get groceries more than I’d like to prance around onstage pretending I’m the center of the universe.” 

As soon as the words left her lips, she knew she’d made a mistake. A _ huge _mistake. 

“Prancing around on stage, pretending you’re the center of the universe…?” 

Her gut dropped the moment he repeated her words back to her. Leaning back with his hands folded in his lap, he continued in an icy tone. “If that’s how you feel about it, don’t show up on Friday. Or for the rest of the semester. I’m sure your GPA will recover after a couple of years.”

She shouldn’t have said it, even if it was how she viewed actors. She’d certainly sat through enough classes with Dameron to see how pretentious thespians could get. And wasn’t the professor sitting before her _ right now _only here because no one wanted to work around his over-inflated ego?

An ego she’d just dealt a serious blow to. The color drained from her face and pinpricks washed over her skin at his veiled threat. He was going to fail her, then? Her heart stumbled over a beat, but then her blood begin to boil. 

“I am _ not _ letting a stuck-up _ drama teacher _ruin my career. I don’t need this class to become an aerospace engineer, but I’m not letting you take away my scholarships. I’m going to perform that audition, and if you fail me for it, I’m going to the Dean.” 

Turning on her heel, she stormed out of the classroom. He screamed something after her before she slammed the door, but she didn’t dare look behind, certain the rage on his face would be worse than when Rose Tico had accidentally stepped on his foot. She’d gotten halfway to the parking lot before she finally processed the last thing he said. 

_ “I could fail you just for that!” _

* * *

Normally, Ren didn’t probe. Since he didn’t usually give a damn about his students’ personal lives, he had no reason to. But Rey’s desperation to get out of the final took him by surprise. He considered himself a human BS-detector, and Rey didn’t seem to be lying about her situation, so he honestly wanted to know how to work around her schedule. Of course, he couldn’t quite manage to ask that in a non-insulting way, and it showed the moment her expression twisted into utter disdain.

He almost felt bad about making assumptions. Might’ve apologized too, if she hadn’t insulted his life’s work while beseeching him to give her a break.

Who the hell did this girl think she was? No one forced her to come to this expensive school, no one forced her to take this class, and no one forced her to stay in it even after two-thirds of her classmates dropped. She’d made her bed as far as he was concerned. If she dared to show her face after this, she’d get the damn _ lead _.

By the time she stormed off, so smug in her oh-so-practical major and self-righteous threats, he was about ready to hunt her down and strangle her. Instead, he grabbed the first hard object within reach and flung it across the room. The coffee mug shattered to bits against the auditorium door, right as it swung shut behind Rey. 

He made it through the rest of the day by the skin of his teeth. When he returned home that evening, he’d worn himself down enough to realize the best weapon for this particular battle was the same weapon favored by every other professor: a passive-aggressive email. 

> _Dear students, _
> 
> _ Due to some confusion brought up by a concerned classmate of yours, I thought I should inform you all as to the exact date of the audition. That would be Monday the 6th, a full week before your other finals will begin, so you will have plenty of time afterwards to attend to your other, more important studies. _
> 
> _ However, the grades for your final will not be submitted until two weeks _ _ after _ _ the semester ends, as is the policy for allowing instructors time to grade. As I said in class, your score will be based solely on your audition–provided you show up to ALL rehearsals, _ _ which will be held every weekday evening until the date of the performance _ , _ when your final grades will be submitted (NO SHOW = 0, NO EXCEPTIONS.) Since there are only six of you left, I have no doubt we can work around everyone’s schedules. _
> 
> _ Best of luck, _
> 
> _ Dr. Ren _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Jessica here. Julia and I hope you are enjoying reading this story as much as we enjoy sharing it! We love reading your comments with your thoughts, feelings, and reactions!


	3. Fail Me, I Dare You

“Then he yells ‘I could fail you just for that!’ and not two seconds after the door shuts, I hear something smash. One of his famous tempter-tantrums, probably! He’s such an _ ass!” _

Rey had been ranting from the moment she’d sat down with Finn--her best friend and most fantastic roommate ever--in the university cafeteria. She’d started at the moment Professor Ren had called on her to the second she left the auditorium, and Finn, angel that he was, had sympathized with her the whole way through.

“I know, peanut. He’s literally psycho,” he said. “But you do realize you could do it, don’t you?"

“Do what?” she grumbled, throwing a glare to the perpetually-broken ice cream machine, which was only miraculously fixed on high school tour days. 

"You could kill it at the audition,” Finn insisted. “You were great up there, even before he gave you corrections.”

“Oh, I plan to kill it,” she said, a smirk curling on her lips, “I’ll play along in whatever shitty role he gives me, then laugh in his face and walk out the second the grades are locked and he doesn’t hold a shred of power over me again.” 

That evening, Rey received an email. When she saw who it was from, she pursed her lips and opened it. Eyes flitting across the screen, it took mere moments for her anger to boil over and explode.

Finn, bless him, spent the rest of that evening drinking heavily and listening to her rant for hours about the injustice of it all.

For the remainder of the week, she spent all her free time finding the perfect monologue and practicing it until the day of the auditions.

When that insufferable professor called her name, she strode on stage with her head held high. She held no script in her hand; she’d already memorized the monologue perfectly. The scene was from _ A War Between the Stars, _which a few Google searches had shown was a particular favorite of his.

She jumped right into the scene– where Padmé was cursing Anakin for breaking the law of the land, betraying the knights, and trying to convince her to take power and rule with him. She directed all of her feelings toward her smug-looking professor;

“How could you ask such a thing of me? I don’t know this person who stands before me. He is a stranger. This man is not the man I vowed to love as my husband. This is not the boy who was once so sweet and gentle. This…creature is a monster. You have become a monster, Anakin. Or what is this new name that Obi-Wan tells me you are calling yourself now? _ Darth Vader _? Dark, your soul has become. As twisted and wretched as the Devil’s own.” 

At this point, her voice wavered. Padmé was hurt, betrayed, but maintaining her dignity. “You will never live to the name ‘Vader’. You are no divine Father. You are a scared little man, and you will perish if you continue down this road. I will not take your hand and be led down this path. But you still may take mine and return to me. Return to Anakin, my Knight.”

Rey performed with everything she had, and once again, she felt the world both narrow and deafen as she spoke. Being up on that stage came with an unexpected rush that nearly made her head spin. When it was over, she barely heard the one person clapping. Blinking under the stage lights, she squinted at the audience, and spotted Finn beaming up at her. His hands abruptly stilled when Professor Ren shot him a glare.

She waited impatiently as Ren returned to his clipboard, scribbling notes for what felt like hours. 

With her luck, he’d cast her as a background character. After all, how frustrating would it be if she was stuck at rehearsal, just sitting around backstage for hours and hours when she could be working and making money? Finn had suggested she do online surveys on her phone to make some extra cash while she wasn’t performing, so she figured that would work well enough. After all, no amount of money she could make in a semester would be able to cover the loss of her scholarships. 

When Ren finally raised his gaze to hers, it came with a terrible smile. 

“Congratulations, you’re the lead.”

The announcement simply didn’t compute. She stood there, blinking, for a good fifteen seconds. She glanced to the others waiting to audition, then back to the professor. A thousand thoughts swirled through her head, plenty that she could throw at him, but should she be surprised? Truly? 

“Thank you, Professor Ren,” came her cool answer. Returning to her seat at the far end of the auditorium, she tried to keep her breathing steady, even as she saw red. She would _ not _put up with this.

* * *

The closest Ren came to being in a chipper mood was on the day of the audition. After several days of gleeful anticipation, he’d finally get to see Rey--the most entitled, infuriating little _ ingrate _he’d ever had the misfortune of instructing--fall in line, or else face a failing grade. He won either way she chose. Still, he secretly hoped she’d show up to the audition. No doubt she’d make it interesting.

When he called Rey up to the stage, the first thing he noticed was her lack of script. That confident, was she? 

He recognized her monologue in an instant. Though he was sure she’d picked it out of spite, it was a massive boost to his ego knowing she’d chosen something from his favorite play. A twitch came to his expression every time she spat out a line with extra venom, forcing him to _ feel _the impact of her performance. It only became more masterful as her tone shifted from sheer rage to that subtle, hard to mimic line between pride and hurt. 

Before she even finished, he knew _ exactly _ what role she deserved.

He didn’t know which one would piss her off more: a lead, or a background character. The latter would be incredibly easy but would be a much bigger waste of her oh-so-precious time. The former would obviously require much more preparation, and more direction, but she’d at least get the glory in the end—even if she thought she didn’t want it now. Ren didn’t believe anyone who said they hated attention. There were only those who embraced the spotlight, and those who were too afraid of looking foolish. 

He fully expected her to be outraged no matter what role she got, so her polite gratitude came as a complete shock. Perhaps she saw his choice as the compliment it was. Or, more likely, she was biding her time until she could launch another verbal attack in private.

He couldn’t _ wait. _

“Dameron, you’re up,” he barked once she’d stepped down from the stage.

While strutting down the aisle, Poe flashed Rey one of his famous killer grins. This didn’t escape Ren’s notice. Long before auditions, he already knew he’d have to cast Dameron as the male lead, since he was the only student who could play the role with any amount of confidence. Ren deeply regretted that fact at the moment. 

After a flamboyant delivery and bow, Poe remained on stage with an expectant look. “I’m getting the other lead, right?” 

Ren returned his smile with a dull stare. “We’ll see. You’re next, Tico.” 

After a grueling half-hour of less impressive auditions, the process was finally over. Even though Rey’s was the only role he’d announced aloud, he had a pretty good idea of how he’d cast everyone else. Now, he just had to go over his notes, and send his critiques out before the end of the night. They had a long way to go if he wanted this play to be watchable. 

Had he a larger class, Ren would’ve casted less than half of the people who auditioned. But even with the small number of actors required for his play, he was forced to give a role to everyone he had left, even those who were suited only to mute characters. 

After dismissing everyone, he uncurled himself from his chair, back popping as he stood. Before he could look forward to another evening alone with a bottle of wine, he was faced with _ her _ again. Rey.

“Oh, I’m_ dying _to hear this…”

To his surprise, her expression was neutral, and there wasn’t a shred of anger or contempt to be found in her voice when she spoke. 

“Thank you, professor, for giving me the lead role. You must have a lot of faith in me if you think a newbie to acting could pull it off. I’d just like to remind you that I work two jobs, overnight and during the day, so it may not be the easiest accommodation with schedules….”

Ah, he saw where this was going. Her tactic of the day seemed to be politeness, putting on a gracious act before getting to the same tired point as before. 

“...I’d understand if you wanted to give the lead to someone who has an open schedule,” she finished with a deep breath and an expectant look. 

The corners of his lips curled, and he crossed his arms, straightening up to his full height. 

“I do have faith in you. You have more talent than all of your classmates combined. So, again, I’m willing to work around whatever obligations you may have. That being said, tell me this…” 

He took a step closer, pinning her with a hard stare as his tone dropped. “Why the _ hell _ did you take this class? You obviously hate it and don’t have the time for it—which is _ not _ my problem, by the way—but still, I have to wonder _ why. _”

She mimicked his pose, crossing her arms over her chest and inhaling deeply. “Look, I don’t want to offend you more than I already have, but honestly? I needed one more elective course to finish the general education requirements, all my other classes are in my major, and I needed something easy. Professor Skywalker was known for being easy, so I signed up.”

Ren’s lips twitched into a grim smile, barely disguising his contempt. Skywalker truly insulted the art of theatre. Not to say he wasn’t talented–he’d once been one of the best stage actors in the country–but he’d given up, which was the worst crime of all. 

“I see,” Ren scoffed. “I believe he’s famous for basing what, sixty percent of the grade on high-school level, multiple choice quizzes?” 

“Yeah, and someone sent me a Quizlet link with all the questions and answers to those quizzes,” Rey said, her tone wistful. “It was going to be my easiest grade ever…” 

“Mm, how unfortunate.” 

And people thought _ he _was the one who should be fired. At least he didn’t give out free A’s all because he wanted to ‘find himself’ in Tibet, or wherever the hell Luke had fucked off to this time.

Rey shrugged and offered him a wry smile. “You definitely haven’t made it easy, but I missed the add/drop deadline. If I withdrew from the class then my scholarships would have been taken away, so…here I am.” 

Taken aback by her smile, he almost grinned too before catching himself.

“You should’ve dropped like everyone else the day I gave out the syllabus,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m glad you didn’t...but like I said, it isn’t my problem you didn’t get out while you could. If I didn’t make it clear early on that this would _ not _be Skywalker’s pathetic excuse for a drama course, surely you would’ve heard enough from students in my other classes. All I can do for you now is make sure you make the most of it. Maybe you’ll learn something, even this far down the line.”

“So...I guess that means you won’t be giving the lead role to anyone else, then?” she asked with a heavy sigh. 

“No. I’m not compromising the success of my play, or my reputation, by casting someone subpar.”

He refused to budge on this. After getting his doctorate, he knew all too well that one had to _ make _time for their education, even if they felt they had none left to give. Still, having a lead who was too exhausted or miserable to perform well was just as bad as casting someone who couldn’t perform at all. 

Surely, they could reach some kind of compromise. 

“Which of your jobs can you part with most easily?” he asked before he could think too much about it. “Whatever meals it pays for, I can replace.” 

The offer was insane, he knew, but he could justify almost anything in the name of art. It was only for a couple of weeks, and it didn’t have to be expensive meals. Temporarily paying for a poor student’s ramen noodles would hardly break the bank.

At worst, he might’ve expected a humble refusal, something about his offer being too much to accept or not wanting to feel like a charity case. But the reply she gave hit him like a suckerpunch to the gut. 

“_Whatever meals it pays for?_” she growled, that feral little look back on her face,_ “_Professor, I’m lucky if I can buy myself groceries. I’m going to go out on a whim and guess that you’ve _never _struggled in your life. Your parents got you the hookup here, a relative helped you out there, maybe a discount on housing because hey, you know so-and-so? I don’t have that. I _never _had that. I brought this to you last week– I need to _work _to _survive. _Get it?”

With every word she spoke, his adrenaline spiked higher and higher until he was practically shaking.

“Do your groceries not consist of _food_? You know, something to make _meals_ with? In what world is one thing removed from the other?” His eyes blazed as he leaned in, voice lowered to a hiss. “I offered something to make your life easier, and you have the nerve to make assumptions about how much I’ve struggled, about how I got this job, about my **family?** Are you fucking serious?”

Her lip curled in a snarl at his proximity, but he ignored it as he spat, “Listen here, little girl. You don’t know the first thing about me, and if you _ ever _ want to drag yourself out of shitty minimum wage jobs and become anything other than the sob story you are, you need to take opportunities where you can get them, and show some gratitude—or at least some goddamn respect. Until then, don’t you _ ever _come crying to me again about how difficult your life is, because I won’t hesitate to make it that much harder.”

Too enraged to look at her a second longer, he shouldered past her and stalked out of the auditorium. Though the door had slammed behind him, and he was five strides down the hall, her echoing scream still reached his ears.

_ “Fuck you!” _

His jaw tightened so hard his teeth hurt. He almost whipped around to shout back at her, but forced himself to trudge on ahead to the parking lot.

He tried and failed to put her out of his mind during the drive home. Anger was his default emotion to some degree, but this was on another level. Just that look on her face when he’d leaned in closer was enough to make him want to put his fist through a wall. Even the toughest students who seemed to make pissing him off a sport (until he ruined their college careers) would flinch when he reached that level of fury, especially in such close proximity. But Rey hadn’t budged. In fact, she bared her teeth at him, just like the savage animal she was.

And like the animal he was, he vented his rage the only way he knew how. His knuckles were bloody by the time he’d finished turning the living room into a disaster zone.

_ You’re such an idiot. You got what was coming to you, letting yourself go soft for a pair of pretty eyes. _

After exhausting himself with cursing the girl’s existence, he fell into the usual trap of self-loathing. Collapsing onto his couch, he tried to catch his breath, but his mind refused to shut up.

_ This is exactly why you stopped trying with people. No good deed goes unpunished, haven’t you gotten that through your head yet? It’s never fucking worth it. _

He couldn’t embarrass himself like this again. No more accommodations, no more compromises, no more _ smiles _. The smallest hint of weakness would just invite everyone else to disrespect him like Rey had tonight. 

Even if she was on her best behavior from here on out, civility was the most she’d get from him. 

Ren barely remembered to type up the casting email before collapsing into bed. Given how much whiskey he’d needed to calm himself down, the email was riddled with spelling errors, but was basically understandable. 

Rey’s part was obvious. Finn would play Obi-Wan, now in hiding after his treachery towards Anakin. Rose would be Mon Mothma, one of the founders of the Rebellion–-an important role, but one that didn’t require too much speaking, and hardly any strong emotion. Connix, who had essentially no talent in projecting lines, was left to play the part of Sabe, Padme’s most trusted handmaiden and bodyguard. The most difficult thing she’d have to do was a brief fight scene with Finn and Rose, who would double as Vader’s guards.

As for Vader… really, _ no one _ had the right to play him. But the only person who could command any stage presence at all was Dameron. At least he’d be covering up that irritating hero smile with a mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! Jessica here! Julia and I hope you are enjoying this story. These two knuckleheads we call our main characters will be having a revelation in the next chapter, so look forward to it!


	4. Rehearsal Day One

“Was he drunk when he wrote this email?” Finn asked as he walked out of his room the next morning. Rey was in the kitchen, making a small breakfast. She snorted and spared him a quick glance. 

“Probably. After all, he just cast the most ungrateful, most rude girl to play the lead for his precious play. According to him, I should just drop all my ambitions and run into the spotlight.” 

_ If only any of the girls who worshipped the ground he walked on had stayed in class, _ she thought. There had been a couple theater junkies who had squealed and jumped up and down in their seats when Professor Ren first walked through the door. Apparently, he had a number of fangirls, despite his terrible attitude. Those girls had tried to impress him with their “acting skills”, only to flee with their tails between their legs when he shredded their performances to bits.

Rey could just _ imagine _ how those girls would feel if they’d been told by the great Kylo Ren that he wouldn’t _ think _to cast anyone other than them for the lead role in his play.

“I’ll print out a script for you and me on the way to rehearsals,” she told Finn. She finished plating up breakfast, and then he was off to work while she took time to study for finals. 

As hard as she tried to focus, she couldn’t get her argument with Professor Ren out of her mind. His words had hit a nerve. She’d dragged herself through the dirt and mud to get to where she was today. No, she didn’t want to work minimum wage jobs for the rest of her life. No, she didn’t want to be a _ sob story. _ But _ damn him _ for thinking that she didn’t take opportunities when they came to her! If only he knew about the internship she’d taken to further her career… but _ no, _she should just drop it to do his stupid play!

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to focus on her studies while she was still fuming, she donned her workout gear and hit the pavement, running until her lungs burned and the muscles in her legs protested. By the time she jogged home, she needed to get ready for rehearsal. She felt a bit better. Or, at least, ready to face the Professor From Hell.

After washing up, she went to her closet to pick out whatever looked clean. Wardrobe wasn’t something she spent a lot of time worrying about. The only situations where she took more than five seconds to decide on something to wear was when she had to go to an interview, a guidance meeting, or any other type of professional event. Today, she chose her usual; her favorite comfy coffee-colored leggings and a green university sweater. She did take the time to don her usual three-bun hairstyle, something that Finn now referred to as her “staple look”. 

She debated whether or not to bring her textbook to rehearsals. Even if she was the lead, there were a few scenes that she didn’t appear in. Stuffing in into her bag, she headed out the door.

Half an hour later, she entered the auditorium. Spotting Finn, she quickly grabbed the seat by his side. He bumped her with his shoulder in greeting, and both their heads turned when the door opened again.

As Professor Ren entered the room, she took note of the bags under his eyes. 

Oh yeah. He’d definitely gotten drunk last night. 

“I hope everyone read the email, and printed out the script I had attached to it…if not, _ no _ I didn’t make copies, so borrow from someone else and read fast if you want this rehearsal to go by quickly. I’d rather not waste my time explaining the basic plot and character motivations to you all,” he snapped, collapsing into his usual front-and-center seat. “Storm, Tico, you’re up first.”

While Finn and Rose rehearsed the opening scene, Rey flipped open her textbook and continued studying, not letting her time be wasted for one moment more than she could help. She managed to make it through a chapter and a half before a grating voice and snapping fingers demanded her attention. 

“Connix! Jakken! You’re next.” 

Sighing, she closed her textbook and grabbed the script. The quicker she could get this over with, the better.

Once onstage, she faced Kaydel without sparing a single _ glance _at the professor. As they began, Rey tensed, waiting for the moment Ren would shout at them for doing something wrong.

They didn’t even make it past the first line.

“How many times do I have to remind you of your volume, Connix?” he growled. “Speak. The hell. _ Up _.” 

Kaydel gulped before trying again. Rey gave her an encouraging smile, then they began again. This time, Kaydel did a better job of projecting, and Rey thought the scene went relatively well.

Until she heard her name being barked.

“Jakken, wake up!”

Jaw clenched, she faced Professor Ren fully for the first time, placing her hand on her hip and raising a brow. His eyes darted down to her legs, and the muscle under his eye jumped. 

“Are you even reading the stage directions?” he asked.

She glanced to the script, spotting the one line of direction in the entire scene. _ Padmé faces stage-right and peers out the window. _He was mad at her for not pretending to look out a damn window? 

“Fine. Got it.” 

Turning to Connix again, they re-did the scene. This time, Rey did as the stage directions bid. Once it was over, she looked to the professor and asked with no lack of attitude, “Better now?”

_ Smug, self-important ass… _ She knew that she was toeing the line by not playing along nicely. One part of her was happy to be a little diva: just to give him a taste of his own medicine, but the more rational part of her warned against saying anything stupid. After all, who was to say that he couldn’t decide to drop her from the cast and give her an F? She hated it, _ oh _did she hate it, but he was the one with the power. 

“It’d be perfect without the attitude attached to it.” A cold smile spread over his lips before he flipped through the script again. “Connix, you can go. We’re going to move onto….act two, scene three.”

Rey’s brows dipped at that. _Act two, scene three? _Well, crap. She hadn’t read that far. Opening her booklet, she found it was an exchange between Darth Vader and Padmé. 

Poe bounded up and out of his seat with an excited grin on his face. Of course he’d be happy. With Vader’s delayed entrance, he’d probably thought he wouldn’t get a chance to shine today.

“Alright, my sweet little wife, ready to do this?” he asked as he crossed the stage toward her. He either didn’t read the tension in the air between Rey and the professor, or just didn’t care. In a way, it helped put her a bit more at ease.

“I’m your wife only because there’s no such thing as space-divorce, apparently,” she teased back, glancing over her lines. 

She’d need to rely on the script for the first run-through, but Poe had obviously done his homework. He was rather easy to act off of, and so they circled each other as they ran through their tense exchange.

The scene came to a climax with Vader pinning Padme against the wall, deciding to use sheer intimation when he failed to extract information about the Resistance from her mind with the Force. Poe was leaning in close, delivering his line in a low, menacing tone, when he was suddenly cut off by Professor Ren.

It was more difficult to act against Poe when she was forced to look at the script while he was delivering his lines to her. Since her focus had to be on the stage directions as well as the upcoming emotion to inflect in her voice, she had no room to feed off of Poe’s acting. It likely made her performance weaker, but apparently not weak enough for Professor Ren to comment on it. That, or he planned on letting them read through the whole scene before he made any corrections, which would keep them there forever. 

_ I don’t have all night to rehearse, damn it. I still need to study for my other two finals… _She silently fumed as Poe backed her toward the wall. She didn’t have any more lines until he caged her with his arms, and once he did, Padmé would growl back–

“Rein in the hormones a bit, Dameron, this isn’t a seduction scene,” Ren quipped, dissolving her focus in an instant. “Back the hell up.” 

Rey glanced back and forth a couple times. Why did he correct Poe? He’d been doing perfectly, as far as she could tell. For the first time all night, Poe looked to his script and re-read the stage directions, likely thinking along the same lines as Rey was.

“Excuse me, Professor,” she spoke up, walking back to center stage to face Professor Ren head-on. Cocking her hip, she asked, “Are you saying that there’s not supposed to be _ any _sexual tension? Because from what you’ve taught us in lecture, two soulmates who are still very much attracted to each other would definitely have sexual tension in this kind of scene. The stage directions even say he corners Padmé against the wall, ‘invading her personal space’.”

Poe, glancing up from the script, chimed in, “Doesn’t Vader want Padmé on his side, too? I think a little seduction would be perfect for bringing her to the dark side.” 

He winked as he caught eyes with Rey, and Ren snapped, rising from his chair.

“Excuse _ me _, Jakken, did I write this play or did you? There’s cornering someone in a threatening way, and then there’s cornering someone like you’re about to fuck them. Dameron was doing the latter.”

Her ire only grew when he turned to Poe, providing a better justification than he’d bothered to give her. 

“This is the first time they’ve seen each other since Mustafar. Vader thinks he’s lost his children, that his wife has betrayed him, that the only way to bring her to his side is the same way he’s conquered everything else: by force. Not to mention, he’s lost most of his limbs. He can barely see himself as a human being, let alone a sexual being. It’ll be a long time before he learns how to approach his wife as anything other than a monster. So, for the sake of _ building _ tension instead of smacking everyone over the head with it, save some of the sexuality for the rest of the play.” 

While Poe nodded, frantically jotting the professor’s notes in his script, Rey rolled her eyes. If Ren wasn’t going to educate her on a scene the same way that he apparently would for anyone else, then why the hell did he bother to cast her?

Sharply turning her back on him, she resumed her position at the beginning of the scene. Poe smirked at her expression. 

“Hey, don’t get too upset. We’ll get a scene with more than just sexual tension later on.” Puckering his lips, he made obscene kissy noises at her. 

Despite her rising annoyance, she chuckled at Poe’s obvious disregard for the boiling tension between her and the professor. He really wasn’t as smooth as he thought he was, but it made him more endearing. 

“If you don’t swallow a tin full of breath mints before those scenes, Padmé’s going to decide it’s better just to punch Vader than to kiss him.”

They soon eased back into their dynamic, and she relaxed as they began the scene again. When they were finished, she felt the scene had gone pretty well. She had to glance down to the script more times than not, but overall, it was pretty good for the first day of rehearsals.

“Alright, that’s… good enough,” Ren sighed. “Dameron, I need you to work on the tone a bit more, and Jakken… just learn your lines.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he flipped the page in his script. “Next scene.” 

_ Just good enough? _She huffed, but for once didn’t make a comment. If he wanted to move on to the next scene, giving her a chance to study, that was fine by her. 

Jumping down from the stage, Poe offered his hand to Rey in a grand gesture of chivalry. She snorted at him rather inelegantly. 

“You do realize there are stairs?”

“It’s more fun this way,” he retorted, hand still outstretched. 

With a roll of her eyes, she let him help her down from the stage. As she did, she caught Professor Ren’s eye. Outside the harsh stage lights, she could see him better, and noticed his face was more flushed than normal. Brows dipping, she glanced over him, gaze landing in his lap, and saw… 

_ What the fuck? _

Tugging her hand, Poe lead her back to sit with the rest of the cast. Obviously, he hadn’t seen what she had. Her cheeks had gone up in flames, and of course, Poe seemed to assume he was the cause of it. 

“Aw, don’t get all shy with me now. You did great! Like he said, you just need to learn your lines a bit more. Come on, I’ll help you.”

As he flipped open the script to read over their lines, she didn’t have it in her to refuse, her thoughts still racing around the man in the front row. 

* * *

At the beginning of rehearsal, all Ren had seen of Rey’s attire was that ratty university hoodie she often wore to class. But when she’d climbed the stairs to the stage, he discovered she’d opted for a pair of leggings that fit her like a second skin, and her hoodie wasn’t nearly big enough to make up for it. Every muscle and curve was on display through the thin material, made worse by the bright spotlight. Normally, this sort of thing wouldn’t even catch his notice, but on _ her…. _

It only got worse as rehearsals continued.

When she faced him head-on, his throat had gone dry. In that position, with the light shining directly on her, he could see _ everything. _

For fuck’s sake, he could tell what color panties she was wearing (blue, with a little bow in the front--_ and _they were too small for her). 

He planned to rush through the scene, hoping to God that next time, she’d show up more appropriately dressed. 

As usual, her attitude distracted him from his goal. The easiest way to punish her was to keep her on stage. When he called Dameron up for Act Two, Scene Three, it was because he knew it would take up most of the rehearsal, and thus, Rey’s precious time. 

Ren regretted his decision the moment her back faced the audience. 

_ She doesn’t have time for this, but obviously has time to work out… _

He hoped reminding himself of his hatred towards her would help him tear his eyes away, before anyone noticed their professor ogling a student’s ass. But he _ had _ to watch her in some way or another. Otherwise, he couldn’t give any critique, and this whole rehearsal would be a waste.

When Rey finally jumped down from the stage, he took a deep breath to bring himself back to earth. Dameron’s obnoxious attempts at flirtation made that difficult. Ren’s eyes betrayed him for the briefest moment, darting to Rey just as she looked towards him. Her shocked, downward glance declared she’d noticed something he hadn’t. Something he’d neglected, something that _ should’ve fucking gone down by now. _

Jerking his head away, he snapped one leg over the other (even though it was almost painful to do so) and yanked his script over his lap, _ praying _she’d second guess what she’d seen. 

His attention was officially obliterated for the night. During the next scene, the only feedback he could muster was for Rose to speak up, and for Finn to stop inching towards the edge of the stage. Concentrating on anything deeper than that was near impossible as lingering humiliation prickled at his mind. 

_ Just when the fuck did you become the skeevy professor hiding your boner from a barely legal co-ed? Since when have any students been tempting enough to provoke one? You see more skin than that every time it’s warm out, and you don’t cream your pants over it. She saw it, you know she saw it—and if you know anything about her, she’s going to corner you after class to have another little ‘chat’. _

In cases of fight or flight, Ren’s automatic impulse was, almost a hundred percent of the time, to fight. Even when a fight wasn’t necessary. But in this situation, he wasn’t so sure. That fearful part of his brain, rarely awakened, screamed at him to just let the girl go. Cut her from the cast so he’d never have to face her again. But there was no way he could do that, and not just because of his ego. If he failed her, she’d _ definitely _ go to the Dean, and have something to say beyond “he’s an asshole” to build her case. She could accuse him of all sorts of things based on what she saw. That risk went down significantly if he gave her the A and released her—but then word would get out, and everyone else would want the same treatment. 

There was no way to win here. At least, not if he took the cowardly route. 

He wasn’t going to wait for her to put him on the spot. He couldn’t let her keep thinking she was the one with the power. 

“Let’s end it there,” he announced to the class, snapping his booklet shut. “We’re starting over tomorrow and running through as much as we can, so learn your damn lines already....” 

As everyone stood to gather their things, he called out to Rey before she could slip out the door. 

“Jakken—a word, please.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tip from Author Jessa: Don't buy cheap leggings. Tip from Author Julia: if you come across a teacher like this I don’t care how far it sets you back in college DROP THE CLASS


	5. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Perhaps she’d imagined it. She could convince herself that it was just her imagination, right? Maybe he was just sitting at a strange angle, and his pants did that weird tenting-over-the-crotch thing. It happened to her when she wore jeans. Then again, his tent did appear unusually large…

_ No, no, NO! Do _ ** _not_ ** _ start thinking about how big your professor’s bulge was! _Cursing herself, she wished she could simply teleport out of the classroom and into a different country. Anything to get her as far away from the situation as possible.

For one shining, glittering moment, her wishes appeared to be answered. She’d thought rehearsal would drag on forever, but they were dismissed right after her classmates finished the next scene. 

Throwing her textbook into her bag, she zipped it up with a harsh tug and was halfway out of her seat when Professor Ren called her name. 

_ Seriously?! _

As everyone else filed out, she had no choice but to make her way to the front of the auditorium. She kept her eyes averted as she approached him, adjusting her grip on the strap of her bag. 

“What is it?” she asked, stopping about five feet away from him.

If she could sink into the floor and melt away right about now, that would be great. Shifting from one foot to the other, she felt awkward, but also..._ excited? _ Her heart hammered against her chest, and she was _ waiting _ with bated breath for something to happen. What was _ wrong _with her?

When Ren finally spoke, it was in a cool tone, with a relaxed expression— as if nothing were out of the ordinary. 

“Firstly, I’m glad you took the time to read at least _ some _ of the script, and draw some deeper conclusions about the overarching story. That’s more than I can say for most students who haven’t the slightest idea what they’re reading. But since you expressed some… confusion over the scene with Dameron, I thought I’d offer to clear some of that up for you. And answer any questions you might have about the rest of the script.”

Wait, what? 

She met his gaze, trying to get a read on him. What was his angle? “You explained it to Poe pretty well, I thought. And I still haven’t read much after the first act so…I don’t really have any questions.”

_ Can I go now? _ She worked her jaw, considering bolting from the room. But that wouldn’t solve anything, would it? They’d be back in the same spot in a couple days. Maybe it’d be better if she just said _ screw it _and addressed the elephant in the room. Then they could move on, and she could get out of here. 

“Look, about what uh–what I saw. I don’t care, okay? I don’t need any explanations or excuses or… Whatever. We’re both adults, shit happens, so let’s just get this play over with.”

There. She addressed it, resolved it, and now they could move on.

Except… Maybe not.

A furious blush erupted on his cheeks and his eyes went wide, quickly glancing away from her. He took a slow breath, closed his eyes, schooled his expression, and took a step forward. 

“Saw what?” he asked, as calmly as if he were discussing the weather. “You’ll have to be more specific.” 

Her jaw dropped. 

He was going to play stupid?! He’d just gone beet red! And she _ knew _he knew she’d seen it!

“You know _ exactly _what I’m talking about. You–” Her temper flared, words escaping her with venom, but she didn’t need another cursing match between them. 

Inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly, she took a second to re-compose herself. “You know what? Fine. If it makes you feel better about your lack of control over your own body to just ignore what happened, that’s your problem.”

His jaw flexed as he glared down at her. “Oh, you mean that natural, automatic _ reflex _ that I didn’t fucking ask for? Strangely enough, I had enough _ self-control, _and decency, to not say anything about it.”

_ Really?! _ Was he seriously making it out like _ she _ was the perv for bringing it up?! Returning his glare, she bit, “Well _ excuse me _for trying to handle this like an adult!”

He took another step closer and she wavered, just slightly, but refused to budge. She hadn’t stepped back last time, and she’d be damned if she did now. He glowered down at her all the same. 

“Tell me what, exactly, you wanted to address about it. Was it perhaps how to prevent having this conversation again? Then consider wearing actual pants instead of translucent spandex. I doubt I was the only one who had a reaction to _ that _.”

“Translu–” she began to question him, blinking in confusion, but then cut herself off as she recalled Finn’s strangely cryptic questioning that morning— how many times her leggings had been put through the wash, if she was sure she’d be warm enough in them, et cetera… 

_ Damn it, Finn! _The boy had a knack for never saying things straight. He always skirted around saying exactly what he thought by asking dodgy questions, and she’d grown so used to it, she hadn’t thought twice.

_ Stupid, terrible cheap-ass leggings… _ She’d forgotten how they became more and more worn down with each wash, and the stage lighting — that must have made them _ transparent. _ Shoulders tensed, her cheeks flared and her hands balled into fists as she averted her gaze.

“I… Uh… I forgot that– I mean I hadn’t realized that… Ah, uhm…” She should apologize, but it wasn’t coming easy. Damn it, if it had been anyone else but _ him... _

“You really had no idea?” he asked, tone low and brow creased. 

Her eyes snapped back to his and she shook her head in a near-frantic movement. “No! No, I, well, I knew that leggings could get like that but I hadn’t uhm… I didn’t think that these ones had.” 

He looked off with a heavy sigh. “I know I don’t have the best reputation around here, and that your opinion of me couldn’t possibly get any lower...but believe me when I say that _ this _ has never happened before. Not over a student. Not at work. So please… spare us both the embarrassment and look in the mirror before coming here.”

He’d never had that kind of reaction to a student before? But he hated her as a person, right? So it was more like he got riled up over her body. Which she couldn’t really get mad about, not when her damn leggings were see-through and he was forced to watch her because it’s fucking rehearsal...

_ “ _Yeah. I’ll definitely– definitely look in the mirror next time.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. Well, she’d made her bed here, hadn’t she? Time to lie in it.

“And I’m uh– I’m sorry,” she added. “It was unprofessional and… I didn’t purposely set out to embarrass you or– or make you uncomfortable.” 

His shoulders dropped and he let out a slow exhale. 

“It’s….it’s fine.” He paused, eyes set firmly on the floor. “I’m sorry, too. That you…had to see that.” 

At least he felt just as awkward about all of this as she was. In that moment, she was reminded that he wasn’t just Professor Ren, or the Devil, or a monster. He _ was _ a person, and this was his first semester teaching a classroom full of mostly disinterested students that had dropped out consistently since the very first day. It certainly didn’t _ sound _like a cakewalk.

_ Wait, am I… starting to empathize with him? _The revelation was jarring, though not as shocking as him actually apologizing to her. 

“Ah, uh, don’t worry about it. Like I said, it happens…” She crossed her arms and uncrossed them again to scratch at the nape of her neck. “And you know, I don’t– I don’t take it personally or anything. I know you hate me so I don’t have any– like, any illusion that it’s any more than these stupid over-washed leggings.”

His eyes snapped back to hers, brows furrowed as he slowly shook his head. “You haven’t made it easy to like you, but… I don’t_ hate _ you.” 

She blinked. That confession was...unexpected. Somehow, too, it was a bit relieving. Smirking, she joked, “Well, you haven’t exactly been a classic Mr. Rogers,” 

“No, I’m not,” he agreed with a bemused smile. “You’re hardly the first student to hate me, and you won’t be the last.”

Shaking her head, she admitted, “I don’t hate you.” 

She’d thought she did. She certainly had been convinced he was the devil yesterday, but she just…couldn’t convince herself to actually hate him. 

He certainly wasn’t a pleasant person (and could be outright vindictive), but he did have a passion for his art, and actually _ wanted _ to see his students succeed. She had to respect that. Plus, she’d hated plenty of people in her life who had _ deserved _it. Real monsters existed, but he wasn’t one of them. 

“You don’t? Really?” he snorted. Leaning in a bit closer, as if telling her a secret, he let a conspiratorial smile ghost over his lips. “It’s fine if you do, you know. I won’t fail you for it.”

Her breath caught in her throat, and her stomach twisted in a strangely pleasant way. He looked downright _ mischievous _, and though this new dynamic threatened to give her whiplash, she found herself playing along. 

“If I thought you would fail me for hating you, I probably would have played nice since the beginning, don’t you think?”

“Mm, I suppose you have a point.”

Her eyes darted between his, and out of nowhere a question sprung to her mind. 

“Do you see yourself in Anakin?” she asked.

His expression shifted into pleasant surprise at her question. She didn’t quite know what prompted it, really. Perhaps because he was a complicated character, just like Anakin.

“Yes, I do…” he murmured. “The betrayal, the distrust, the anger–there’s a lot to relate to. Whenever I play him, it hardly feels like acting at all.”

He went silent for a moment, and her eyes roved over his face as he seemed to sink into his thoughts, his focus trailing to a spot on the wall and sticking there.

Now that they weren’t gunning for each other’s throats, she could appreciate that he _ was _a handsome man. The papers described him as “unconventionally handsome”, which she could agree with, but he looked like a Grecian marble statue come to life— 

“I suppose you gathered that comparison from my writing a play based entirely around him?” he asked, effectively disrupting her thoughts with a crooked smile. 

Her grin grew as she nodded. “Yeah. It’s pretty seamless, from as much as I’ve read of it. If you’d told me it was written by the original playwright I wouldn’t have questioned it.”

A rattled laugh escaped him, and he gave her another, slightly wary look. As though he were waiting for the other shoe to drop. When she didn’t say anything further, his shoulders relaxed and his grin grew wider.

“Wow, that’s uh… that’s a lot, coming from you. Unless you hate her work, in which case, don’t tell me. I _ might _ have to fail you for that.”

Her brows raised. She honestly had no idea that her opinion would come as such a big compliment to him. Still, she chuckled at his threat, shaking her head.

“No, I think the play’s pretty interesting. Hers and what I’ve read of yours, that is.” She adjusted her grip on her bag, and as she looked between his eyes, she was reminded of the strangeness of this situation. 

Mock-shivering, she glanced around and asked, “Is it just me, or does it feel like we need to get into another argument for things to feel normal again?”

“If you’d like me to be meaner, just show up late tomorrow without reading any more of the script. That should set things back to normal,” he commented, chuckling softly again. “Religion and politics are also a good go-to for arguments.” 

_ He looks so much younger when he smiles. _The thought occurred to her out of nowhere. Happier expressions took years off of his face; made him look more approachable--boyish, even. If he wanted the acting industry to want to work with him again, a smile or two might help things along. 

Shaking her head, she reminded herself that she _ really _shouldn’t be noticing these details about her professor. 

But why did it made her feel so giddy when she did?

_ Damn it, this is too dangerous. _

What would happen if one of her classmates, or god forbid Finn, came back to the auditorium? She and the professor had been ready to snap each other’s heads off during rehearsals, and now they stood close together, _ smiling, _ throwing playful jibes back and forth...

“Maybe I’ll take a raincheck on the arguments,” she said, taking a slight step back. “I do need to go study. And of course, read this play that I got roped into doing. It’s by this guy whose kinda famous, but I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of him...”

“He sounds like a dick.”

“Yeah, well, he has his moments,” she laughed. “As few and as far in-between as they may be.” 

They smiled at each other for another moment. Something unspoken passed between them. An understanding. Or maybe a truce.

“Well, I’d better get going,” she said, gesturing toward the door. “Have a good one, Professor Ren.” 

“You, too.”

* * *

Ren had to actively keep his expression stoic until she disappeared, at which point the strangest grin overtook his features. 

_ “He has his moments”, “Have a good one, Professor” _….

Even after the huge compliment she’d given him about his work, these little things still made an impression, adding up to _ something _. But what, he couldn’t say. He’d kept himself so removed from interactions beyond work that it was impossible to differentiate what was polite, what was friendly, and what went far beyond that. 

He tried to force himself to focus on his notes from rehearsal when he got home, but to little avail. His brain kept picking apart everything she said, every smile and blush, going in circles between reason and wishful thinking. Whenever he caught himself leaning towards the latter, he had to berate himself for it, which only added to his torment. 

_ Just get it out of your system, _ a little voice whispered hours later as he climbed into bed, knowing full well he’d get no sleep. _ It’s just physical. You’ll feel better afterwards, and then you can focus tomorrow. No one has to know…. _

He tried his best to ignore it. To tell that voice to kindly _ fuck off, _ and attempt to get some rest. But it wouldn’t stop chattering. It threw image after forbidden image into the forefront of his mind, until his bed was too hot to lie in a second longer, and he threw himself into a cold shower to cool his mind. It warmed back up again the moment he dried off.

When he laid down again, his fists clenched in his sheets, and he stared hard at the ceiling as he contemplated what he was about to do. 

_ This is just like anger, just like any other bullshit feeling, it’ll only go away when you let it out, _ one voice snapped as another countered it: _ This is the start of a slippery slope that ends with a shameful ‘resignation’. _

For a long minute, he listened to the ragged sound of his own breathing in the dark, until his hand finally slipped into his boxers.

‘Just this one time’…what a joke that turned out to be. He lost count of how many ‘one last times’ there were before the overflow of hormones knocked him into the best sleep he’d had in years. 

The next morning, he expected to feel regret, but couldn’t. Why feel bad about feeling good? What he did in the privacy of his own home didn’t hurt anyone–but even if it did, since when did he care? 

Though he’d decided that he did _ not _ care, that there was no _ point _ in caring, he grew more and more restless as the day passed and rehearsal drew nearer.

_ I’ll start from the beginning like I said we would, but skip her scenes, _ he thought as he strode into the auditorium ten minutes early. It’d be easier if he didn’t have to look at her. Everyone else needed more practice, anyway, and Rey would probably thank him for the study time.

_ A win-win if I’ve ever heard of one. _


	6. Time Spent in the Spotlight

The shower had always been a great place for Rey to think. She’d decided on her major in the shower. Planned the essay that got her accepted to University while standing under a hot spray. But right now, her thoughts were a mess. Every word exchanged between her and Professor Ren swirled in her head.

His body had responded to what he’d seen of her on stage, thanks to those leggings that now found their new home in the trash. She’d thought that it had been simply that; a reaction to visual stimuli. But then he’d said he didn’t hate her. And when he’d stepped close to her…did he feel it, too? That sparking energy that flowed between them?

Why did she have to notice those details _ now _ ? When she was so close to finishing the course and saying goodbye to him forever? That’s what _ should _ happen. There was no room for her to notice how his teasing affected her, the way her body responded to his closeness, his handsome face… She needed to get it all out of her head. He was her bloody _ professor! _

And yet...she found her eyes drifting up to the detachable shower head. She promised herself that she wouldn’t think about him. No, she just needed to relieve some tension. Get her head out of the clouds and her hormones under control. It wasn’t about _ him, _it was about satisfying a normal, human need.

She cursed herself when his eyes flashed into her mind at the moment she hit euphoria. 

She woke the next morning feeling…conflicted. What she had done in the shower, and again in bed, and what she had _ dreamed _ left her dancing among a vast array of emotions. 

First, and most obvious, was the satisfaction. She had to admit-- it had been much too long since she’d expelled her pent-up stress so effectively. The problem was it left her _ wanting. _She needed more than what she could accomplish with a showerhead, or with her fingers. 

Even worse, she knew exactly _ who _ she wanted to give her what her body craved. As she lay in bed, staring into the ceiling as her alarm blared some random station into her ear, she tried to accept the fact she was attracted to her _ professor. _

But it was pure chemistry. Nothing more. She didn’t actually like him as a _ person, _not even when he was being charming, or teasing, or funny, or…

_ Fuck! _

She spent the day switching between reading through the play and studying for her upcoming exams. When she finished the first read-through, she closely studied her lines and dialogue. It really was well-written.

Once she’d finished most of her studying, she couldn’t wait to see how Padmé developed onstage; how it would feel to really _ be her… _

Which was why she was seething by the end of rehearsals. _ Not. Once. _ Ren didn’t call her up to the stage _ once. _

She couldn’t stop herself. The second the professor dismissed them, she stomped over. She didn’t care if the other students saw her. She didn’t care if she invaded his personal space. The red filling her vision blinded her to all inhibition.

“What’s your angle here?” she growled, jamming her finger into his chest. “Call everyone to rehearsals just to have them sit around and twiddle their thumbs for hours?”

His lips parted in surprise as he stared down at where she poked him. “Everyone else needed more help than you did, so I focused on their scenes for tonight—I meant to get to you and Dameron more, but I didn’t have the time…” 

Didn’t have the time? He hadn’t even _ looked _ at her when she arrived. He hadn’t planned on bringing her onto that stage _ at all _today. It bothered her--much more than she’d like to admit.

“What’s the point memorizing all my lines if you weren’t even going to check?” 

His eyes rolled back with a heavy sigh. 

“Like I said, I don’t have the time to get to everyone for every rehearsal. But if you want to work through your scenes so badly, by all means...let me make up for it.” He gestured towards the stage. “I’ll practice with you.” 

She blinked, thrown by his offer. She looked to the stage, and then back to him. “What? You want me to stay after rehearsals and give you _ more _of my time?” 

“If you have something better to do, you’re free to leave.”

She crossed her arms, glaring up at him. Though even as she defied him, an itch grew beneath her skin. The same itch that she’d felt all day. To get up on that stage, to play Padmé. To have Ren’s eyes on her and no one else. 

Brushing past him, she kept her annoyed demeanor as she climbed the stairs onto the stage. As soon she reached the center, she turned to him and warned, “I won’t have time after every rehearsal to do this, you know. It just so happens that I have tonight off and I got all my prep work done for my other courses.” 

“Interesting. You seem to have had a few minutes to spare for the past several days,” he muttered. “Always enough time to tell me what I’m doing wrong…”

“Pointing out what you’re doing wrong_ does _ take up a good bit of my time, considering how often you make bad decisions,” she said, though her tone lilted more toward teasing than true spite.

“Decisions that may be inconvenient to some, perhaps…” He glanced up at her with a faint grin before skimming through the script. “I assume you don’t really want to go through the two minute bit with Sabe….or the fight scene. It’s better to practice that with the whole group….”

Instead of flipping through her own script, she let her eyes rove over him. She’d seen him on stage plenty of times during lectures and class readings, but she hadn’t been _ aware _of him then. 

Now, she was _ all too _aware of him. The stage lights brought out his beauty. His hair shone, his most regal features became more prominent, and his presence seemed magnified.

She wondered how she compared. This time, at least, her pants weren’t see-through. That was probably a plus. She had on a simple pair of jeans and another free t-shirt given by a random Uni club. Her hair was in her favorite three-bun style and she hadn’t bothered with any makeup beyond a bit of chapstick and mascara. If she had to guess, she wasn’t nearly as polarizing as her Professor. Just an average college student opposite a talented actor.

She realized belatedly that he was peering up at her through his lashes, waiting for her to respond. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Let’s stick to the two-character scenes. Maybe one of the longer ones with Anakin? Those scenes are going to be the most difficult to perfect, don’t you think?” After all, there were so many layers under the interactions between Anakin and Padmé. They had shared history, love, passion, resentment, anger… Conveying all of that wasn’t going to be easy.

“They’re the most important to perfect, I’d say,” he agreed. Shifting to the left, he took his place on the stage, shoulders rolled back and eyes closed. She took a peek at the page number in his script to see what he’d chosen for them to rehearse.

Oh. _ Oh, _ they were doing _ that _ scene. The scene where he was to corner her against the wall. With absolutely no sexual tension…right, this would go _ swimmingly. _

Stepping back a few paces, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She imagined herself in the shoes of a Queen; one who was determined to maintain her dignity after being captured and imprisoned by the ruined shell of her husband. She had to remain calm, keep her wits...and keep her _ secret. _

The moment she opened her eyes, she found Professor Ren pinning her with a glare. When he spoke, the timbre of his voice did wicked, delicious things to her body.

“Queen Amidala, captured at last…surely, you knew this meeting would be inevitable.” His gaze was molten as he stalked forward.

_ Where is that bloody mask when I need it? _ She exhaled in a shudder, which thankfully, worked for how Padmé would react to the monstrosity her husband had become. 

“Darth Vader. I had rather hoped that the next time I laid eyes on you, your body would be on a pyre...“ 

* * *

_ She didn’t tell you. She turned against you and lied. About…about…. _ Still trying to douse himself with the character, Ren consciously knew the ending of that sentence, how it poured salt in the deep wound of betrayal. But something was off. 

Though the role was second nature to him, he had to be careful balancing his emotions in more complex scenes. Like this one. As he’d said to Dameron, the right kind of tension was paramount. Poe made the scene feel like a cheesy porn setup, but Ren had also seen actors from the original play who completely desexed the character. Maintaining that balance was no easy feat, even when working with the best actresses. 

Yet the tension fell into place so naturally when he worked with Rey. Both the attraction and the anger were very, very real for him, and just like Vader, he had to suppress the former in favor of the latter. Though they’d settled their differences enough to be friendly, there was still a lingering bitterness. Rey overflowed with talent, but using it was an _ inconvenience _ to her. She’d throw away all that potential for fame, fortune, stardom, to spend the rest of her days fiddling with formulas.

How fucking _ tragic. _

His eyes narrowed as he slowly circled her. “Such vengeful words, coming from the queen of compromise…a queen who was once a wife, no less. It is only because I’ve chosen to be merciful that you aren’t on a pyre yourself.” 

He stopped in front of her, a mere foot away. “Don’t tempt me to remedy that.”

“If you wanted me dead, I would be dead.”

She delivered her line just as he’d intended, with false confidence. His head tilted as if to ask ‘are you sure?’ before her hand dropped to her belly.

“But you would not kill me, because of the secrets I hold,” she said. “_ Twin _secrets.” 

He froze. He didn’t so much as breathe for two seconds, enough time to entice their invisible audience before his right arm shot up, fingers clawing for the truth. She jerked back, gritting her teeth against his mental attack.

“_ Twins. _..?” he hissed, taking slow, heavy steps forward. Though the character’s expression wouldn’t be seen in the final production, he kept a piercing gaze fixed on Rey, jaw tight as if biting back pain beneath his apparent outrage. “I thought I had sensed more than one life…and then they were snuffed out…but I can feel them now. Kenobi helped you, didn’t he? While you hide them, he’s hiding their signatures…where are they, Padmé?”

It was the first time in the whole play Vader had addressed his wife as anything other than Queen Amidala, and Ren delivered it in a snarl, the same moment his hands came down on the ‘stones’ on either side of Rey. She gasped, pressing her back flush against the set piece. He didn’t have to try to keep his breathing labored. His heart raced all on its own. 

_ Embrace it, _ a sly voice whispered. _ It’s what the scene demands, regardless of where the emotion comes from. Backing off will only show you have a reason to be uncomfortable. _

Ignoring the instinct to run before he did something stupid, Ren leaned closer, eyes softening though his body still caged hers. “Tell me…”

_ ‘Just get it out of your system, it’ll be fine’. _ What had compelled him to believe that? To think he wouldn’t feel anything when he next saw Rey, to think he could hide his arousal from her when she’d already seen it once? If she caught him again, he was finished. No “everyone makes mistakes”, no “sorry it’s just a reflex”, no, he’d be marked as a predator, and she’d run screaming to the Dean. 

Unless…

Time froze as their eyes met, and he had the sudden sense wasn’t the only one with a strange fixation. Most people, at least awkward, inexperienced students, couldn’t meet his gaze as easily as Rey did now. Especially when he’d startled her enough to make her gasp. His expression softened far more than he intended as he wished he really could read minds, just before her eyes flitted away. 

Fuck. Just a delayed reaction then. 

Wait…no, she looked confused. Had she forgotten her lines? Before he could ask, her eyes fell on his lips, and he knew. 

_ This goes both ways, doesn’t it? _

He nearly forgot his own lines as she stumbled over hers. “Ken…Kenobi helped me more than you know. I will not be convinced so easily to give you the only secret that may keep me alive. And no level of power–Sith or Jedi–will pry the information from me.”

He could’ve pointed her blunder out, reeling them back into reality for a minute, but he couldn’t stand to break the spell. Not yet. 

“It’s not a matter of convincing.” The line should’ve been harsh, cruel. It came out instead as little more than a vaguely threatening murmur. Something he would’ve _ hated _to hear coming from Dameron.

Swallowing, he forced himself to project more, mustering more authority into his voice. “What if the only way you can stay alive, the only way I’ll ever let you see them again, is precisely by telling me where they are?”

When she leaned back, he didn’t inch any closer—nor did he give her more space. His heart skipped a beat as she met his eyes and flashed a bitter smile.

“You wouldn’t risk that. Kenobi will never be found. I am the only link between you and your children. If you sever that link, _ you’ll _ be the one to never see them.”

She still played her part perfectly, but there was something oddly personal about her tone and expression. She put every ounce of her own, snarky self into it, and honestly, he didn’t mind. In fact, he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“You underestimate me greatly, my queen,” he sneered. “I’ll search the entire galaxy and raze planets to the ground if I have to. That Jedi coward can’t hide from me forever.”

Her lip curled into a snarl to answer his own. 

If any other actress had pulled a face like that, Ren would’ve given her an hour-long lecture on proper characterization. Queen Amidala was demure, dignified, not some seething hellcat. But when Rey did it…maybe it was just his favoritism, or idiotic hormones, but that snarl looked _ perfect _on her. More of an artistic liberty than a mistake.

“You haven’t the funding nor the manpower to do such a thing,” she snapped, “But by all means, go ahead. You will exhaust all your resources before you even come _ close _to touching the hair on their heads. I may be your prisoner, but you are going to play by my rules.”

As the script dictated, he gave pause to consider her words, fists flexing as he tangled with her logic. Inside though, Ren wrestled with a different kind of logic. 

_ We’re alone. She’s comfortable being alone with me, despite what happened. Maybe even _ because _ of it. The way she looked at me had to mean something…what if I just…gave into it…? Would she resist? _ God, he was dying to do something, but he didn’t know what. Kiss her, maybe? That wouldn’t be enough. He knew himself too much to assume it would stop there. 

But beyond tonight, he’d never get another chance to play this role alongside her, not unless she kept asking for private lessons—which she wouldn’t. She only did this to catch up on rehearsal time he’d supposedly wasted. After tonight, all he could do was watch from afar as she went through the motions with Dameron, stuck in a loop of perpetual mediocrity before she disappeared from his life forever.

Just then, a meteor of an idea crashed into his brain. Something so absurd, so extreme, he blanked on his lines once again. Just in time, they returned, though he delivered them with unsteady conviction.

“The Emperor plays by no one’s rules but his own. But I will keep you alive, if only for the sake of our children. They’ll need their mother, even if she is a Rebel traitor…” 

With that, he finally backed off, bringing the scene to a close.

He was the first to break out of character, and had a moment to note the same, jarring shift in her. She’d been just as immersed as he was. 

_ She was made for this. _

She blinked, adjusting, then offered him a sheepish smile. “Wow…that got kinda intense, didn’t it?” 

“Yes, it was…that’s good.” 

_ Perfect. Spectacular. Marvelous. _

Her expression dropped. “Good?” 

“Great,” he corrected himself. Averting his gaze, he tried to find a better way to explain it. “Don’t tell anyone else this, but that was honestly the best performance I’ve seen from a student. Especially for only your second run-through of the scene.”

Hearing the suspicious enthusiasm in his voice, he cleared his throat, quickly adding, “Let’s just hope Dameron is up to the task. He’s got a flair for the dramatic, but you’ll have to help him make it look _ real _.”

She inclined her head slowly. “Uh, sure. I can help him, I guess. I mean– he kinda has his own way of doing things, y’know? He’s very– uhm– single-minded.”

Cracking a small smile, he couldn’t help but wonder if she made similar excuses for him when her friends complained about his methods. More likely, she joined in with just as much fervor as everyone else...but it was nice to imagine otherwise. 

Checking his watch, his eyes widened at the time. 

“It’s uh…wow, later than I expected.” Late enough for the parking lot to seem unsafe. “I can walk you to your car, if you want. Just in case.” 

“I don’t have a car. But I don’t live too far away from campus, just a few blocks.” 

His eyes narrowed as she pulled out her phone. Did she have a ride already? Who was it? 

“Just a few blocks or not, I can’t let you walk home alone this late in good conscience. Not with all those safety emails filling up my inbox,” he insisted, stepping closer just before she hopped down from the stage. 

“I take the bus, usually. We did run a bit late but…it was worth it to get a bit a practice.” She flashed him a teasing grin, which only prompted him to push harder as he jumped down after her. 

“The night bus only comes around what, once every two hours? And then you have to take this super long route all the way around town—it’ll be morning by the time you get home.”

Grabbing her hoodie from her backpack, she tugged it over her head and pulled the hood up. She then spread her arms and span for him. He chuckled with a raised brow, unsure what she was doing until she explained.   
  
“I’ve never had any issues getting from the school to the apartment. When I wear this, I look like any other random dude on the street.” 

“A very _ tiny _random dude, sure,” he scoffed. “You still look like an easy target—even if you’re not, which I’m sure you’re about to tell me…”

Given her whole_ “I-can-take-care-of-myself-fuck-you-very-much” _ attitude, he wouldn’t be surprised if she knew judo, or hid a knife in her boot. 

“Alright, fine. Have it your way,” she chuckled, shoving her hands into her pockets. “I’ll let you drive me home.”

As the corners of his mouth stretched to his ears, he had to dip his chin to hide his expression, stepping around her to lead the way to the parking lot. 

“Hope this doesn’t wound your pride too much…” he said, glancing back every so often to make sure she was following. “I’d just rather not lose sleep worrying about someone jumping you in an alleyway.” 

“You know that’s what texting is for, right?” 

Was she…asking for his number? If so, _ damn _, that was smooth—much smoother than his unrelenting insistence on getting her in his car. He might’ve envied her for this, if he wasn’t so stunned by her continuous hints at liking him.

“If you’d rather have me text you after every rehearsal at two in the morning to make sure you’re okay, instead of just letting me chauffeur you, then I _ guess _ I can give you my number…”

He glanced back as they crossed the threshold into the parking lot, hoping his feigned reluctance had the desired effect.

“I don’t know what makes you think that rehearsals are going to go that late every night. It’ll look a bit strange hopping into my professor’s car while everyone else takes the bus, won’t it?”

Heat crept up over the collar of his coat and his shoulders tensed. With what he said, he could see how it sounded to her, like he was signing up to be her ride every single night. Not that he’d mind being her nightly Uber, but it _ would _look strange. He was about to amend his statement when she dug into her pocket.

“But if it makes you sleep better, then by all means. You’re even more of an ass when you’re tired,” she quipped, shoving her phone towards him. 

He snorted as he took it from her, fingers fumbling with the tiny keys on the screen to type in his number. Did she want his full name? Or Professor Ren? 

Settling on just ‘Ren’--she could change it later, if she wanted--he handed the phone back, his fingers brushing against hers in the process. Finding his keys, he pressed the button to unlock his car. The headlights flashed ahead, and he stepped forward, only to realize Rey wasn’t following. 

“Wait, we’re going in _ that? _”


	7. Bigger They Are, Harder They Fall

  
  


“No way. _ No way! _ This is the Mustang Boss 557! It’s…it’s a masterpiece. Holy sh–” She circled the car, checking it out from all angles. “This is really yours?”

“Uh, yeah. Do you think I stole it?” he chuckled before climbing inside and buckling up. 

“I think I might steal it from you if you’re not careful,” she joked in turn. Swallowing, she opened the passenger door and slid inside. 

“You’d better not…I’d hunt you down across the country to get it back.”

“Don’t blame you. I’d kill anyone who stole a car like this from me.”

“I would too…unless it was you, then I’d just find a way to force you to change your major to acting,” he teased, pointedly raising a brow. “That’d be a worse fate than death for you, right?”

Snorting, she shot him a withering look. “You’ve got that right.” 

Though, to be honest, she didn’t have the same opinion on acting as she had at the start of the semester. She could appreciate it took skill and hard work. But could she ever change her major? No-- it just wasn’t a viable option. Maybe she could minor in it? 

_ Even more ridiculous… What aerospace engineer has a minor in acting? _

Looking for a change of subject, she asked, “Is the offer still open to be my personal chauffeur?” 

He glanced to her with a snort. “Oh, _ now _ you want me to help you out…should I worry you only like me for my car?” 

“You should be more worried about me liking the car _ more _than I like you.”

Her palm slid over the door panel, taking in the luxurious texture. When he turned the key in the ignition, bringing the car to life with a low rumble, her eyes slipped closed in bliss.

“Eh, that doesn’t take much,” he muttered. “I think you like just about everything more than you like me…” 

“I don’t know. You’re turning out to not be so bad…” Sparing him a glance, she noticed a small tint had risen to his cheeks, along with a little smile. 

“Yeah, you’re uh…you’re turning out to be not so terrible yourself…” 

A smile twisted her lips at that before he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Alright, which way am I going?” he asked, and she focused on the road.

“Turn right up here, then go down for about half a mile. Turn left onto Peach Street at the light.” 

He nodded, and her attention returned to the car. “So you were able to afford this just by acting?”

He didn’t jump to answer. Reaching a stop light, he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, worrying his lip before he finally responded. 

“My parents got it for me when I turned eighteen. Acting and teaching has just been paying the insurance.” 

She let out a low whistle. “Wow. Lucky boy.” 

He didn’t elaborate further, which was fine with her. She didn’t exactly want their conversation to veer into family...she wasn’t ready to open that can of worms.

As the light turned, she said, “Go down just a little bit, and the apartment complex will be on the right. Zephyr Breeze Community.”

He turned, and she suppressed a sigh. Why did she have to live so close to campus?

“Which one’s yours?” He paused once he was past the gates, turning to her. “This place is kind of huge—don’t want you to have to walk too far in the dark.”

She pointed to one of the buildings to the left. “You can park there.” 

She fell silent as he navigated them over. When they stopped, she knew it was time to get out, bid him goodbye, and close the door on this night. But instead, she lingered. 

“Thanks for practicing that scene with me,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ear as she turned to him. “It’s going to be the most difficult one to execute in the whole play, right?”

“Yeah, uh…it’s at least in the top three, for sure.” His eyes darted over her features before shifting downward. “It was no problem at all, though. If...if Poe’s not available and you need someone to practice with, just let me know. Or…if you need anything else. Uh, school-related, of course.”

“Yeah, definitely. If I find the time…” Time, of course, was a rather precious commodity for her right now. Nevertheless, she had a feeling she’d check her schedule to see if she could _ make _ time. “Thanks, Professor.”

Turning away took way more effort than it should have, but she forced herself to open and the door step out. As she neared her apartment, conveniently located on the ground floor, she turned around and waved towards his car. He flashed his high beams, and she grinned.

Stepping inside, she shut the door behind her and dropped her bag unceremoniously to the floor, releasing a heavy sigh.

_ What am I doing? _

* * *

It had been a long day. Rey had woken up with barely enough time to get to work, hightailed it to her classes after her shift, barely passed a test she’d forgotten to study for, and returned home for a nap only to discover a leak had sprung under the sink and flooded the kitchen. By the time she fixed the pipe and mopped up the mess, it was time for rehearsals.

She was not in the mood for it.

A small part of her lamented her lack of desire to practice today. Especially when yesterday had been so fun. Slumping into a squeaky, auditorium seat, she exhaled with relief when Professor Ren called Dameron up for a monologue. 

What happened as Poe bounded towards to the stage seemed to progress in slow-motion. He ran down the aisle to the stairs, excited energy radiating from his smile. Just as his Nikes hit the third and second step from the top, his body lurched sideways, and his leg crumpled beneath him when he hit the floor. 

_ Crack. _

His scream ricocheted off every wall in the auditorium, and everyone, including Rey, rushed to his side. Finn was the most frantic, somehow reaching Poe before anyone else despite sitting in the back row. 

“Move!” Ren snapped, shoving past the mass of students to kneel beside Poe. 

From her view over Rose’s shoulder, Rey could tell Poe was trying to put on a brave face, but the blood drained from his face when he looked down. His leg didn’t just bend at the knee, but at the _ shin. _

“Rose, don’t,” Rey murmured the second she saw her fellow student typing the final _ 1 _ into _ 9-1-1 _ on her phone. The last thing that any student like them needed was the expense that came from an ambulance ride. While she didn’t know much about her co-star, they’d spoken briefly on the fact that his parents were both war veterans living solely off of their pensions. They definitely couldn’t afford an ambulance bill on top of the oncoming hospital bill. 

Rose nodded and put her phone away.

“Yeah, that’s definitely broken…” Ren expelled a weary sigh before he looked back to Finn. “You. Drive him to the hospital. We won’t need you for rehearsal tonight, anyway.”

Biting her lip, Rey looked over to her friend. Finn didn’t have a car, but he wasn’t about to let that stop him. When he pulled out his phone, the Uber app flashed on screen. As soon as the request was sent, he bent to help Poe to his feet. 

Rey inhaled sharply as she got a good look at the unnatural twist of Poe’s foot. Professor Ren had made the right call; he needed to go to the hospital ASAP. 

Glancing over to the stairs, her brows furrowed as light glinted off the top three steps. Walking over, she swiped her finger over the surface and sniffed it.

“These stairs are covered in floor wax.” Grimacing, she wiped cleaner off on her jeans.

“Goddammit…” Professor Ren muttered, stepping beside her. He surveyed the stairs through narrowed eyes, “I don’t know why they haven’t fired that janitor yet…he did the same thing in the gym a few months ago. Made one of the basketball players eat her own teeth.”

So this had happened before? She thought she recalled hearing something about a strange injury on the basketball team. Maybe Finn had mentioned it, or she had overheard it in class...

“No one go near the stairs,” Ren barked, starting toward the exit. “Just practice your lines with each other—and I mean _ practice, _ don’t just sit around and talk. I’m going to have a word with our friend DJ…”

The room was silent, and as he made his way toward the door everyone slowly went over to their bags to retrieve their scripts. But of course, the second the door closed, the whole room erupted in a chorus of murmurs.

“Did you see Poe’s foot? It looked terrible.”

“I’ve never seen a fall that bad in my whole life.”

“Do you think he’s going to still play lead?”

“There’s no way! Vader can’t hobble around on crutches!”

“What if he has to be in a wheelchair?”

“Even worse!”

“So who’s going to be Vader, then?”

Collectively, everyone turned to Rey. She blinked, looking between them all. “Wha–? How should I know?”

The next fifteen minutes were spent theorizing, with no one able to come up with any good guesses. Soon, the door to the auditorium swung open, and Professor Ren stormed back inside. 

“Alright, that’s settled….” he huffed, stalking down the aisle to stand in front of the stage. 

The room was so silent that surely, _ surely _one could hear a pin drop. Wide eyes glanced in every direction. People shifted from foot to foot, adjusted their grip on their scripts, coughed. 

“Given Dameron’s _ unfortunate _condition…” Ren slowly began, “There’s obviously no way he can be the lead. And even if there was some way for Storm to fill in without compromising his other roles, who have to interact with Vader in multiple scenes, it’s unfair to make him—or any of you—learn so many extra lines in that little time. But as that annoying saying goes…the show must go on. It’d be a horrible waste of your time and effort to go through so many rehearsals, only to have no opportunity to showcase your…talent.” 

The class exchanged looks. Some sighed, presumably relieved they wouldn’t have to take on the role themselves. Others murmured that Finn might be able to pull it off, but most everyone was interested in who the Professor would bring in to play Vader. A student from one of the higher-level acting courses, maybe?

“Since I can only think of one person available for the role, who knows the lines better than anyone…” Ren rolled his shoulders back and raised his chin. “_ I _will be Vader.”

Everyone froze, including Rey. As the others began to recover from their shock, they once again exchanged murmurs and glances. Most seemed sympathetic. 

“Poor Rey…”, she caught one whispering.

She…didn’t know what to think. Excitement, dread, and apprehension all warred for dominance. Professor Ren was _ by far _the best acting partner she could ever hope for, though there was that strange…electricity that powered the air when they acted together. She felt it, he felt it. Soon, everyone would feel it. But there was simply no alternative, was there?

“Should we start, then?” she asked, breaking the silence.

Ren’s eyes had trained on her after his announcement, no doubt to gauge her reaction. When she spoke up, his expression smoothed, and he swiftly shifted back into the role of director. 

“Alright, Act 1, scene 6. Tico, Jakken…take the other set of stairs.”

Rey knew the lines well and easily played off Rose, barely referring to the script at all. It was a bit…boring. Not to mention her fatigue was catching up to her. At one point she had to cover her mouth stifle a yawn.

The longer rehearsal went on, the more tired she became. The cast sitting in the audience made little effort to hide their boredom. Half were on their phones while the other half studied. Connix had her hood up and her head propped in her hand, definitely asleep.

Rey wasn’t doing much better herself. When she was off stage, she was at least sitting up straight, but struggled to keep her eyes open. 

“Act 2, scene 8,” Professor Ren announced. She raised her eyes from where they’d drifted toward a stain on the wall, meeting his gaze just as he addressed her. “That’s you.”

She swallowed thickly and rose from her seat. The others stirred behind her, suddenly awake. A scene between professor and student was bound to be interesting. And if anyone had read ahead…they’d know_ interesting _was an understatement.

“Yup, that’s me,” she responded lamely. 

_ Me and you. Me and the Professor. What the hell am I getting into? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing this story and showing it love! Julia and I can't believe it's already surpassed 100 kudos! Thank you all so much! We hope you enjoyed this chapter, and look forward to the next one! -Jessa


	8. Define: Chemistry

Never before had his acting skills paid off in such a real way. If he had as much control over his expressions now as he did when he was…oh, about Rey’s age…everyone in this auditorium would’ve seen right through his bullshit. Now, _ and _when Dameron fell. 

Over-explaining his scene with Rey would probably seem like a sign of guilt, so he jumped straight into it, as he would with any other scene. It was set during the final battle of the play, away from the main conflict and in a secluded forest. Obi Wan had fallen, and Padmé had taken up his saber to avenge his death, following Vader as he lured her away from the safety of her friends for a final confrontation. The Queen was skilled in battle, but stood no chance against a Sith Lord—Kenobi’s saber was tossed to the side before it came close to cutting Vader down. 

With Rey unarmed, Ren swept forward in three long strides as his voice took on the same menacing sneer he used when humiliating a particularly dull student. 

“A valiant effort, _wife, _but you should know better than to think our conflicts can be resolved in a fair fight…” 

He stopped a mere foot away from her, close enough to see his own reflection in her eyes. He looked just how he felt. Smug, triumphant, with something darker brewing just beneath the surface. Most of it wasn’t artificial. 

“You’re right, _Vader,” _ she spat. “We cannot fight fairly. Because try as you might to convince yourself otherwise, you could never strike me down. I’ve seen the conflict within you; the _ Light. _”

He didn’t bother hiding his smirk, knowing it wouldn’t look out of place for the scene. Her performance was _ magnificent. _ Considering what happened to Dameron, and how she’d suddenly have to work closely with her professor instead of another student, Ren honestly expected her performance to slip. Most professionals couldn’t handle change half as well as Rey did. 

“What you claim to see is nothing more than a mirage, the vapors of your own wishful thinking. True, I won’t strike you down, but do not thank the Light for my sparing you…for I have a proposal for you, _your Highness. _” 

He allowed a pause there, building the tension before his fingers lifted to trace her jawline. It was in the script, if anyone wanted to check—but he savored the moment longer than necessary. 

“I’ll spare your little fleet if you agree to rule by my side. I’ll call off the battle right now, free every hostage we’ve captured, and this planet, at least, shall remain independent for as long as I remain Emperor. All you have to do is say you’ll be_ my _ Queen once more.” 

As his fingertips brushed her skin, the air between them seemed to clear rather than thicken, as Rey’s nervous energy dissipated before his eyes. 

“No.” The refusal left her in a whisper. Swallowing, she strengthened her tone. “I refuse to rule by the side of a Sith Lord. The only man I shall ever submit to is one who would never accept my support if it came from a bended knee; my Anakin.”

He remained close, even as his hand fell away in feigned surprise. The way her gaze dropped to his mouth as she spoke hadn’t escaped his notice. She didn’t have to do that, just as she didn’t have to when it had happened before. 

_ I know you feel it, too. _

“Ah, but you insist that the Light still remains, that_ your Anakin _and myself are one and the same…which is it, Padmé?” 

Here it was, the moment of truth. This one stage direction was enough to make him question everything—not because it was wrong, but because it was extreme enough to land him in trouble. But other professors had gotten away with much worse at this joke of a university, and they couldn’t even use acting as an excuse. Ren likely wouldn’t get more than a slap on the wrist, and maybe an order to stay away from Rey (but only on school grounds). 

The risk was worth it. 

His hand returned to her cheek, thumb brushing close to her lips—but didn’t cover them, as one would for a stage kiss, before he leaned in. The movement was slower than necessary. Rey would know what to expect from reading ahead, but still, he didn’t want their first kiss to feel like an attack. 

_ Don’t pull away, we can do this, just give in, give in, give in… _his mind whispered frantically as he closed in, as if he could silently will her to do as he pleased.

Their lips were only an inch apart when she jerked back. His stomach wrenched at her sharp gasp, and the terror in her eyes sent his heart plummeting. 

_ Ring! Ring! Ring! _

Of all the times for a fucking phone call. And Rey had the nerve to _ answer _ it. 

“It’s Finn. Must be news about Poe,” she said, lifting the phone to her ear.

Ren clenched his jaw so hard his gums hurt. 

All she had to do was turn her head to the side. It would’ve been a little awkward, having his kiss land on her cheek, but it would’ve been a hell of a lot better than jumping back as if he’d tried to hit her. 

For once, he hoped no one else had read ahead. Maybe they’d all assume that’s what Padmé was _supposed _ to do—it would make sense in the moment, though it would complicate things later on in the story. 

His shock only kept him on the stage for a few seconds before he remembered where he stood, literally in the spotlight. After jumping from the stage into the safety of the dim auditorium, he clung to the darkest corner of the room, barely resisting the urge to sneak out. 

Rey spoke with Finn for another minute before addressing the class, “Poe’s going to be alright. His leg’s broken and he’ll be on crutches for a while, but at least he’s enjoying his painkillers.”

While a few students chuckled, the muscle under Ren’s eye jumped.

“As _wonderful _as that is to hear, phones are supposed to be turned _off _during rehearsals.” 

His eyes remained cold and fixed on Rey, even as he addressed the rest of the class. “It’s been a long night. Let’s call it here. But remember, dress rehearsal is coming up next, so _ do not _show up unprepared.”

“The tea is scorching,” Connix whispered to the row in front of him, and Ren turned his glare on her.

“What was that?”

“N-nothing, I said nothing…” 

She, along with everyone else, rushed to pack up and head out, no doubt eager to continue their gossip once he was out of earshot. He stood guard beside the doors and waited for Rey. 

He was prepared to chase after her if she decided to bolt, but she made no move to follow her classmates. She didn’t charge him, either, as he’d expect if she wanted to scream at him like she had so many times before. 

When the last student left and the door clicked shut, he took a breath and strode to meet Rey halfway in the aisle, at the center of the auditorium. His expression was flat and cold, though his tone burned when he finally spoke. 

“Care to tell me what the hell that was about? I _know _you knew that was coming. Considering all our little _ chats_, I think we’ve established that you can talk to me. About anything. You could’ve told me you had a problem with the scene before starting it, instead of waiting for the last second to _ humiliate _me…”

_ “ _ You’re joking, right?” An incredulous laugh fell from her lips. “You barely wait until Poe is out the door to declare _yourself _as the male lead, and before I could wrap my head around that, you’re calling me on stage for act 2 scene _bloody 8?! _ I didn’t have a problem with the scene when my partner was another student! I’m not getting expelled because someone inevitably gets offended over a student _ snogging _ their professor! _ ” _

“We don’t have time to wait around and feel sorry for him!” he snarled, nostrils flared and fists clenched. “We barely have three weeks before the show, aren’t even _close _to where we need to be, and I explained why I had to take over for Dameron! Literally no one else can do that role. Who would you have me choose instead, Connix? Tico?!” 

“So a single nightoff is too long to get a handle on the fact that one of our classmates _ate shit _falling off of the stairs right in front of us?! Do you even give a _damn _that your student was injured?” 

There was no way he could answer that. If he wasn’t so furious, he probably would’ve _ laughed _at the reminder of how the boy fell. Served him right, that obnoxious, arrogant, peacocking son of a bitch...

“I got Finn to take him to the hospital, didn’t I? There’s nothing else I could have done! A broken leg doesn’t necessitate a mourning period, Rey, it’s not like he_ died! _”

“What makes you think that I wanted us to _mourn?! _What kind of psycho assumption–” 

A growl scraped the back of his throat as he waved her off, forcing the conversation back to the subject that _ mattered. _

“_Again_, you could’ve said something before we started. You knew what scene it was, you knew it was going to be with _me, _and you could’ve fucking said something! Christ, if I’m not worried about getting fired—as I shouldn’t, because it’s _acting _– you have no reason to worry about getting expelled! It’s not a damn sex scene, it’s a stage kiss that lasts less than three seconds!”

She threw her hands in the air, voice rising in pitch. “You seriously don’t think people aren’t going to look at a student and professor kissing onstage and have some kind of opinion?! It doesn’t _matter _if it’s a sex scene or a quick snog, it’s going to _look intense _ because– well-_this!” _

When she gestured between them, all the fire in his veins turned to ice, then melted again as the full implication of her words sunk in. 

“This?” His pulse thrummed in his ears as his breathing slowed. 

_ I knew you felt it, I knew it… _

“What, exactly, is so..._intense _between us?” He searched her eyes, and when she didn’t immediately answer, he urged her in a low murmur. “Go on. Say it.” 

He could’ve said it for her. He could’ve pointed out the obvious, that there was a reason they kept meeting after class like this, and it wasn’t just because _he _wanted to. But there was a certain degree of risk with him saying it first. She could back out at the last second, just like she did with the kiss, and accuse him of being a deluded pervert. 

No, no, she _had _to say it first. Only then could they have an honest conversation. 

His fingers twitched at his sides, struggling for some semblance of control as her voice gently broke the silence.

“There is something…a connection between us. An energy. And when we act together, it only gets more intense. I’m afraid that it’ll– It’ll look like more than just two people performing a scene…”

Throat bobbing, he inched ever so slightly closer. “I know what you mean…It feels real to me too. But trust me when I say there’s no reason to be afraid. To everyone else, it’ll just look like good acting. Professional chemistry. As for us…the truth can be our secret.” 

His own boldness should’ve surprised him. Outside of acting, he’d never tried to seduce anyone, let alone so blatantly. But there was no helping it, no use resisting what he had to chase. He was fucked the moment Rey signed up for his class.

“Doesn’t this seem dangerous to you? This spark…” Her whispered hesitation only excited him more, leaving his pupils dilated as his gaze settled on her lips. 

“You should know _danger _rarely deters me from anything…” 

_ And nor does public opinion, _ he thought, but didn’t bother to speak on that particular sentiment. He was almost certain he had as much of her permission as necessary. And if not, well, he’d try a different tactic later on. He’d fallen too hard to even _consider _giving up.

“I see now I’ve made a mistake…” he hummed, though there was no hint of regret in his voice as he leaned in even closer. “I should have saved that scene for later. After all, you prefer our private practices, don’t you?”

His lips twitched into the faintest grin as her eyes widened. He couldn’t blame her for her disbelief; he could hardly believe it himself. Given how many lines he’d crossed, she should’ve already run for the Dean, but instead, she moved_ closer. _

_ Victory. _

A frantic rhythm pounded in his chest as her lips came within inches of his own, so close their bodies brushed against each other. He had to bite back a groan just at her soft, breathy response to his question.

“Yes, Professor...”

Those words never failed to make him weak in the knees, even when she’d meant it innocuously, but when it was a signal of acceptance, of desire…he couldn’t contain himself.

Grabbing her hips, he crushed his mouth against hers with all the ferocity their ‘practice’ demanded, exactly the way he’d always wanted. He almost wondered if he was the one who’d fallen off the stage and landed in a comatose dream. It wouldn’t be hard to believe, if Rey’s body wasn’t so warm, and her lips so soft.

His hands lingered on her hips for a few moments before they started to wander, one rising to cup her cheek while his free arm coiled around her waist. He couldn’t get close enough. It seemed she couldn’t either, as she tugged on his shirt and swiped the tip of her tongue against his lips. He couldn’t hold back a low groan at her eagerness, readily opening up to taste her in return. She was_ heavenly. _

His fingers threaded through her hair as he deepened the kiss, lost in the heat of her mouth, until he slowly became aware of how hard his hips pressed against hers. He needed more. _ So _ much more. But he couldn’t have that _ here _...and not unless she was ready...which he intended on finding out. 

“I’ve wanted…to do this for so long…” he murmured reverently between kisses. Lungs burning, he forced himself away from her lips long enough to catch his breath. 

Her chest shook with a breathy laugh as she did the same. “And to think… We _ hated _each other…” 

Though he’d still argue he’d never truly hated her, he couldn’t suppress a chuckle. The humor was easy to see in hindsight. What they’d mistaken for hatred seemed to just be a glimpse into their general nature. Before with cutting words, now with searing kisses, always with passion. Ren never thought he’d find anyone who could keep up with his highs and lows. Now that he had Rey, he’d never let her go. 

“I think we should find somewhere…safer…” he started to say, but her eyes turned to the clock over his shoulder. 

“It’s late,” she sighed. “We– we should be careful about this. Finn is going to expect me to call soon, and he’ll know if I’m not home tonight. He can’t…figure anything out_ . _No one can. Not…not while you’re…”

“I know, I know…” He huffed, forcing himself to step back. If they got caught even once, he might lose her forever…but couldn’t she just put her phone on silent and say she fell asleep? No, no, he couldn’t push her too much... He just had to be patient. 

“Can I drive you home, at least? The parking lot should be pretty much empty by now…” 

His insides melted as she grinned and pecked his cheek. “Yes, that would be perfect.” 

Somehow, an innocent, affectionate gesture made just as much of an impact as a soul-crushing kiss. Maybe because it carried the hope this was more than physical. That she actually_ liked _him. Though he was ecstatic to make it this far, he still feared he’d be nothing more than her flavor of the month, her one-time, forbidden experiment. 

He didn’t have to sleep with her to know one time wouldn’t be enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Jessa here. Who jumped for joy when they finally kissed? Don't be embarrassed if you did, because Julia and I freak out every single time these two knuckleheads finally accept their feelings for each other. If you didn't know, we have two other works in progress. Check them out and let us know what you think! 
> 
> [Long Lost ____](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21097226/chapters/50197544); Rated E. Ben/Rey/Kylo
> 
> [Room for Rent !!NOT A JOKE. REAL INQUIRIES ONLY!! ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21421675/chapters/51039103); Rated E. Ben/Rey/Kylo
> 
> Always remember to review the tags. Happy Reading!


	9. Chest Pains

Ren tried not to walk too fast for Rey to keep up, but still hurried through the parking lot, more than eager to get inside another safe enclosure where he’d be free to kiss her. 

“Oi, Mr. Long Legs…! Slow down!”

He looked over his shoulder with a wide grin, speeding up even more for just a second to tease her before he stopped to let her catch up. As soon as they were inside the car, he practically jumped across the console to pull her into another, hungry kiss. 

His heart sang as she chuckled against his lips, threading her fingers through his hair. Everything about tonight had been so…so_ wonderful. _ God, he’d never thought he’d apply that word to any situation in his life, but now that he’d gotten his reward, he saw all the effort had been worth it. 

Even the criminal negligence. 

His lips curved against her neck, leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses. All he wanted to do was bite down, mark her as his, but that would stir up questions. They couldn’t have that. At least, not until the semester was officially over. 

A pathetic whine escaped him when she leaned back. Biting the inside of her cheek, she cast her eyes around the parking lot.

“Let’s get off of this campus, yeah?” 

He let out a long sigh and nodded. Though it seemed like they were completely alone, the slimmest chance of being seen could ruin them both. Sitting back in the driver’s seat, he turned the keys in the ignition and set off towards Rey’s place. Since he’d been there just the previous night, it wasn’t too hard to find his way back without having to ask for directions. While one hand remained on the steering wheel, the other snuck over to rest on Rey’s knee.

“When can I see you again? Outside of rehearsals, I mean,” he asked as he turned into her apartment complex. “We could go somewhere out of town, where no one’s likely to recognize us… or my place… I live alone, and it’s pretty secluded, so….” 

His heart sunk as she held up a finger and checked her phone calendar. Damn her busy schedule.His grip tightened ever so slightly on her knee, as if it might keep her from pulling away. 

“There’s not a lot of time between now and the end of the semester,” she said. “Between work, finals, and rehearsal…” 

Before he could beg her to shirk her responsibilities, she made a suggestion that brought the smile back to his face. 

"Maybe I could study at your place tomorrow? You could work on grading or designing next semester’s syllabus and then we could… Make dinner?” 

“That sounds perfect,” he hummed, giving her leg another little squeeze.

Of course, he had no intention of _ working _whilst Rey was in his home. He couldn’t focus if he tried. Hopefully, she’d feel the same way when it came to studying… 

Grim sobriety crept up his spine when he finally pulled up to her apartment. With every little high he got from getting what he wanted, there was an equal low in the prospect of losing it all.

_It’s just for a night…I’ll see her tomorrow at rehearsal, and then I’ll have her at my house… _he reminded himself over and over, lest he end up locking the doors and whisking her away right here and now. 

He’d just turned to say his goodbyes when she suddenly fisted her hand in his shirt, yanked him across the console, and crushed her lips against his._ Mm. _As comfortable as he was with being the one in control, this little flash of dominance was exactly what made him so weak for Rey. He couldn’t wait to see just how aggressive she could get….

The kiss lasted only a few moments before she broke it, panting slightly against his lips.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Park on the far side of campus and I’ll meet you by your car after.”

“Yes ma’am,” he murmured, pushing a stray lock out of her eyes before giving her one last kiss. “I can’t wait…” 

“Me neither.”

His smile lingered, but gradually weakened as she stepped out of the car and shut the door behind her. Like last night, he waited for her to make it to her floor, and returned her small wave before she disappeared into her apartment. 

_ Just one more day. _

* * *

Saturday morning was an exhausting blur of preparation. After buying about twenty pounds of organic produce from the fancy grocery store (Whole Earth Trader’s or whatever the fuck it was called), cleaning his house like it was a crime scene, and dressing like he was going to court, Ren barely had enough time to get to campus. Still, he managed to step into the auditorium_ just _as the clock struck one. 

“Welcome to dress rehearsal, children….” he announced flatly as he made his way towards the stage. 

Facing the rows of chairs, his eyes naturally fell on Rey. It took everything in him not to beam at her before returning his attention to the rest of the class.

“We’re running through the whole play today, in costume, start to finish. No breaks. We still have time to make some tweaks and improvements, but if you don’t know your cues and lines by now, I’m dropkicking you into the next dimension. Understood?” 

He hardly gave them a moment to respond before continuing. “Good. Get dressed, we start in five.” 

As everyone rushed to the dressing rooms, Ren went to change in the faculty bathroom outside the auditorium. Just as he took out his costume, his phone buzzed. 

_Who in the hell… _

He could’ve smacked himself when it finally clicked. Right, he _ had _ given his number to Rey. She just hadn’t used it until now. After saving her contact info (and _ not _ bothering to disguise her name), he shot her a text right back. 

His cape nearly caught in the auditorium door as he returned to find his students scrambling on stage. It had been a little over five minutes, but he couldn’t scold them for being a minute late when he’d been busy texting Rey. 

Upon noticing her, he raked his gaze up and down her form, realizing this was the first time he’d ever seen her in a dress. It was distinctly un-Rey-like. The piece was obnoxiously ornate, weighed down with rhinestones and violet tulle, and her crystal hairpiece reflected enough light to cause a car accident. Still, she looked _ ravishing. _

“Okay, Act 1, Scene 1, go,” he barked, shifting to his seat in the front row as the students scurried to their places.

He had to wait a few scenes before it was his cue. Until then, he could evaluate the overall performance—and discretely admire Rey–best from this vantage point. 

The first scene went smoothly enough. He offered a few critiques, jotted down some tech notes, and lamented Rey’s departure from the stage. When his phone buzzed in his pocket again, he waited a few moments before discreetly checking it. Heat rushed to his face as soon as he read the texts. 

Oh Jesus. Was she seriously into the daddy kink? Could_ he _ get into it? Normally, he’d say hell no, but if it was what got her off, maybe he could try–

_ Bzz. Bzz. _

A relieved chuckle escaped him as he texted back.

When she returned to the stage, he thoroughly enjoyed how her new gown clung to her curves, the backlight showcasing her lithe figure through the thin material. Thankfully, he wasn’t left drooling in the audience for too long before it was his turn to make an appearance. 

This first scene was his second favorite out of the whole play, simply by virtue of sharing it with Rey, and Rey alone. Given that they’d already practiced it, he breezed through his lines and hit every emotional mark, easily hovering over her without setting off anyone’s alarm bells. 

As soon as it was over, however, he had to wonder how they would handle_ that scene. _ The one that _ would _put everyone on high alert. He didn’t want to bastardize his own work with censorship, but he couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room, no matter how much he wished he could.

He’d just make it a real stage kiss this time. Thumb over the lips, and only for a second. That should be enough to keep everyone from losing their goddamn minds.

As he sunk back into his audience seat, he remembered to check his phone, and once again, blushed like an idiot.

He bit back a smirk and slid his phone back in his pocket without a response. If he kept texting her, people would notice, especially since he’d never texted _ anyone _during rehearsals before. Plus, he’d probably forget his own lines if she kept tempting him like this. Better to put a pin in it, and enjoy themselves later when they were truly safe. 

When he ran through his scenes with the other students, he hoped his presence would encourage stronger performances, but found quite the opposite effect. Lines that usually came out loud and proud were now stammered meekly or damn near forgotten. 

_ Ugh. _They’d need to work on that. Especially Tico—for some reason, she couldn’t look him in the eye for even a second. He didn’t think much of it, though. She’d always been the most timid of the group. 

As Act 2, Scene 8 approached, he retreated to the wings, where he found Rey and let her know of the plan. 

“It’ll just be a proper stage kiss this time,” he whispered, leaning in close enough for her to hear but not so close it’d look_ too _ intimate. “No actual lip-touching, and it’ll only last for about a second. I think that’ll be enough to throw off suspicion, don’t you?” 

A smirk curled at the corner of her lips, and she nodded. “Sounds like a perfect plan.”

After a minute or two, the moment came, and he did what he said he would—watering down his and Rey’s _ gorgeous _on-stage chemistry for the sake of the other student’s precious sensibilities. 

It wasn’t fair. It _ really _wasn’t fair he had to settle for kissing his own damn thumb when Poe Dameron would’ve gotten to kiss Rey’s lips, just because he was another student. 

But after this, in private, Ren could make out with her (and more) as much as he wanted. And it would be_ real. _

He’d never ached for rehearsals to end so badly. Whenever he was on stage, he gave it his all, but in the audience, his knee bounced nonstop and his hands clenched into tight fists. 

_ Come on, come on…. _

At last, the time came for his final scene—_ the _ final scene—and after blessing everyone with the best stage death they’d probably ever witnessed, it was over. Dusting himself off as he rose from the spot where Vader had his final moments, he glanced over his cast with muted approval.

“That wasn’t as terrible as I expected. But I’ve made some notes for Monday. For now, just make sure _ fear _doesn’t make you forget your damn lines….” 

With that, he waltzed out of the auditorium, changing back into his dress shirt and slacks in record time before rushing to the parking lot.

When he reached his car, he fell into the driver’s seat with a sigh. His play still needed a lot of work…but it wouldn’t be a disaster. Not when he was playing Vader—and not when he had a wonderfully talented girl like Rey as his queen. When he ‘died’, he’d actually felt her tears splash against his cheek.

Such a shame she was so bent on engineering. But with how close they’d gotten, he still had time to persuade her to pursue a more_ reasonable _ career.

* * *

Rey was a ball of energy. She could hardly concentrate in the later scenes of the play, knowing that in just a handful of minutes, she’d be sliding into Professor Ren’s butter-soft passenger seat and speeding to his house.

She could hardly stand to listen to his one short announcement before bounding into the dressing room with the other girls. She tried not to look like she was in _ too much _of a hurry changing, lest they ask questions, but it wasn’t long before Kaydel spoke up. 

“I saw Professor Ren did a stage kiss. Did you guys talk about that after yesterday’s…awkwardness?”

Glancing over her shoulder, Rey forced a chuckle as she said, “Oh, yeah, _ that. _I just– Wasn’t comfortable with being kissed by a professor onstage, you know?”

“That’s just asking for the Dean to get his panties in a twist,” Kaydel agreed.

Glancing over, Rey noticed Rose’s expression was a little more pinched than usual.

“Kinda miss Poe’s flamboyant self around here,” Rey mused. She didn’t really miss Poe at all, considering who her opposite lead now was, but she figured that the rest of the cast wasn’t as thrilled with this change.

Rose’s only response was a flat, “Uh-huh.”

Brows dipping, Rey almost asked if something was wrong, but thought better of it. She didn’t know Rose very well. If it was something personal, the last thing she wanted to do was pry. 

Besides, she had places to be.

Kaydel was the first one to finish changing, and breezed out of the dressing room with Rey not too far behind. 

She didn’t make it four steps out of the dressing room before Rose called after her.

“Hey, uh, Rey? Can I– Can I talk to you for a sec?” 

“Huh?” Rey turned around, meeting her gaze. “Uh, sure. What’s up?”

She glanced to her phone, seeing several minutes had passed since rehearsals ended. Every second between then and when she met up with Ren felt like she was wasting an eternity, but she couldn’t exactly tell Rose she had somewhere else to be.

“I uh– I saw you and the professor last night.”

Rey’s stomach crashed through the floor. It had hardly been twenty four hours before her first kiss with Ren, and they’d already been caught? _How?!_ As she struggled to regain her breath, Rose continued, rushing to reassure her.  
  
“After rehearsals the other night, I came back to get my phone and well...look, I’m not going to tell the Dean or anything. But I just– You need to be careful with this. You two obviously have chemistry and I’m happy if you’re happy, but if the school finds out…”

Rey nodded quickly as she attempted to swallow the rock lodged in her throat. “Th-thanks. For not saying anything. I… I really… I really don’t know what to say—” 

“I’d kill to have your talent, you know. You really have something special.” Rose bit her lip, eyes wide and round as she looked up at Rey. “If you ever did decide to go into acting--professionally, I mean--I’d hate to see something like this ruin that chance.”

“Thank you...but we’ll be careful. There’s only a few more weeks until the end of the semester.”

Rose nodded, then added in a whisper, “Please don’t tell Professor Ren I’m the one who saw you guys.” 

Rey’s stomach churned at the wince in her tone. “I won’t. I promise.”

_ Bzz. Bzz. _

“See you at the next rehearsal,” she said, rushing off before Rose could reply.

When she reached Ren’s car, she flung herself into the passenger’s seat and slammed the door shut. 

“Drive. _ Now!” _She urged him, sinking deep into her chair until she was invisible to anyone on the outside. 

He obeyed without question, throwing the car into drive and peeling out of the parking lot. Rey didn’t release her breath until they were officially off of school property, and even then, she didn’t straighten up in her seat. 

“What happened?” Ren demanded after a full minute of grueling silence.

She grit her teeth and sighed. “We’ve already been caught.” 

_ “WHAT?!” _

He nearly slammed on the brakes, and she cursed as the car veered. 

“Bloody hell…!” 

She knew she’d get _ some _reaction from the news, but she didn’t think he’d almost crash the damn car. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, straightening back into his lane and slowing down. “Well, spit it out. How fucked are we?” 

“They’re not going to the Dean or anything. Actually, they were kind of weirdly happy for us. It’s just...it hasn’t even been a day…”

Inhaling deeply, she exhaled to calm herself. Reaching over, she rested her hand on his leg, close to his knee. “But it means… We have to be careful from now on. _ Extremely _careful.” 

The last thing she wanted was for him to think she wanted to end this. Unless...he wanted to end it? She couldn’t blame him for changing his mind, given how close they’d already come to ruining his career…

“I can tell you don’t want to say who it is...but obviously, it’s someone in the cast,” he sighed, glancing at her as he turned onto a long, dark driveway. “Please, just tell me. I need to know.”

Finally straightening up in her seat, she shook her head. “I promised I wouldn’t. And even if I didn’t, we both know you’d just give them death-glares until they were forced to quit the entire production.”

He narrowed his eyes and scoffed. “I’d have no reason to give them death glares if they aren’t going to snitch…that would just be goading them on to tell someone…”

“Just drop it, alright? It’s not important who they are.”

“Fine,” he huffed. “But I need to know _ how _we got caught so it doesn’t happen again.” 

“It was in the auditorium after rehearsals last night. So _ obviously _no more doing that there. Or really anywhere on campus, I think.”

“Okay, nothing else on campus, that’s reasonable…” He paused a long moment before looking back at her, his brows knit. “But how did they even catch us? Were they hiding in the curtains or something?” 

“They said that they left something in the auditorium and came back for it. That’s when they saw us together.” 

She leaned forward to peer out the window as they pulled up to his house. It was nice and posh, with arched windows and dark, stone walls. Definitely fit for an actor. It looked safe, too, considering how far back in the woods they had to drive to get here. Not an easy find for crazed fangirls.

His fingers curled around the door handle before he hesitated, shooting her a nervous glance. “This…isn’t giving you second thoughts, is it?”

“No, it’s not.” Brows twitching with a hint of anxiety, she asked, “Not unless it is… For you?”

“Not in the slightest.”

His hand slid over hers, and a soft smile appeared on her lips. She hadn’t been sure if this incident would make him second-guess pursuing this… Could she already call it a relationship? Or was that moving way too quickly? She didn’t know yet, but things like that could be figured out over time. 

Opening his door, he glanced up to the house, then back at her. “You ready?” 

She couldn’t help but chuckle at how serious he looked and sounded. “Am I ready to enter the lair of the famous Kylo Ren? I suppose so.” 

Snorting, he shook his head and stepped out of the car. “The house isn’t what you need to prepare for, it’s my horrendous cooking skills…” 

“Ah, I _ see. _Well, I’ll just have to help you with that, won’t I?” 

Jumping out of the car, she bounded to his side and took his hand back into hers. Now that they were alone, and it was definitely safe, she rose to her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He leaned into it with a soft, happy sigh.

Rocking back down onto her heels, she tugged him toward the door. “Come on, then. It’s cold out here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, Julia here. Thanks so much for reading this last chapter before TROS. As always, we really hope you enjoyed this installment. If you did (or even if you didn't), please let us know in the comments!


	10. An Addictive Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! We're ~finally~ getting NSFW in this chapter, so please mind the tags. Enjoy! ;)

“I wasn’t sure what kind of food you liked, so I got a little bit of everything….” Ren said as Rey poked around the fridge. Her eyes grew wider and wider as she found one organic label after another, all from the upscale market down the street. 

“Fancy guy,” she muttered as she squinted at the labels. 

Picking up a hunk of steak, she swayed on her feet when she was met with a higher price than what she spent on groceries in a _ week. _Swallowing thickly, she put the steak down and reached for a large box. Pre-cut cheese, meat, olives, and nuts were neatly packaged in perfect portions. “Let’s start with this.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he reached past her to grab a bottle from the back of the fridge. “I hope you like wine. I got red and white just in case you had a preference, but if you’re a beer girl, you’re kind of out of luck….” 

Fiddling with the charcuterie, she debated for a moment whether or not she should tell him. “I don’t really have a preference but uh– I’m not _ technically _of drinking age. Not in America, at least.”

His shoulders stiffened. “But you’re at least eighteen…right?”

“Yeah, yeah, absolutely,” she rushed to reassure him. “I’m turning twenty in September.” 

Saying she was almost twenty sounded better than saying she was nineteen. Or so she thought.

“Oh…okay.” 

His eyes trained on the countertop, fingers drumming a stattico rhythm on its surface. Did he think—was he put off by their age difference? Hoping to recover the situation before he asked her to leave, she started to babble. 

“I mean, they just kind of guessed when my birthday was. Makes those horoscope things kinda useless when you don’t know if you’re a Virgo or a Capricorn or a Sagittarius or whatever for real. Not that I put much stock into any of it, but…let me guess, you’re a Scorpio?”

If he wasn’t a Scorpio, then she would eat her own shoe. 

He blinked at her, head tilted and brows knit. “I am, yeah… but um… what do you mean they guessed? Who’s ‘they’?” 

Oh. Right. She hadn’t told him yet. Sure, she’d said she was fully independent, but she’d never given details_ . _ “I uh... I grew up in the foster system. My parents left when I was five or so and… I didn’t know my birthday or my last name. So they were given to me.” 

She shrugged, hoping to appear nonchalant. She didn’t strive to keep her situation a secret, but she hated when people treated her like a charity case.

His fingers continued their thrumming, though his expression was schooled. “Do you like the name they settled on?”

Tension left her in one soft breath. “Yeah, I like it. I’m especially glad that they gave me a more interesting last name than _ Smith. _A lot of orphans get that name, but the home that I was in was in Jakku county and so all of it’s kids became ‘Jakken’.” 

His lips lifted in a faint smile. “I like it, too.”

Shifting around the kitchen island, she found a cutting board for the charcuterie. “Where did ‘Kylo’ come from? I’ve never heard that name before.”

His smile faded.

“I made it up. It’s legally my name, I mean– just not the one I was born with.” 

It made sense on the surface, but something didn’t add up. She glanced outside, in the direction of his car. He’d said it was from his parents…so… 

“Did you have a really embarrassing name?” she guessed. “Something like Ichabod or Lincoln?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “No…well, okay, the_ initials _ were embarrassing. The name itself was only shameful to me, and more so because of the meaning behind it…and just how… _ boring _ it was.”

“Embarrassing initials?” 

Her lips pursed as she tried to think of a first name that could make the last initial R embarrassing. He let her muse over it, but took pity after a few moments.

“My initials were literally B.S,” he muttered, shaking his head with a low sigh. “They really didn’t think that one through. You know how everyone’s mom put their initials on their clothes? Yeah, I had to turn all my socks inside out in gym class so no one would see.” 

Wait, B.S.? So he had created both the names ‘Kylo’ and ‘Ren’? That piqued her curiosity, but she wasn’t sure they were quite at the point where she could press him on the details of his past, so she just chuckled at his story. 

“I wish I could see young little B.S. in high school gym class...”

He cringed and sharply shook his head. “I assure you, you would _ not _.”

Apparently desperate for a change of topic, he circled back to the place their discussion began.

“Anyway...you’re of the legal drinking age in most countries, which is what _ really _ counts…” he mused, weighing the wine bottle in his hands. “Not to pressure you or anything, it’s your choice if you want to drink or not—“ 

“I’ll have whatever pairs with this.” 

He took about two seconds to uncork the Pinot Noir and pour two glasses. After handing her one, he flashed a sheepish smile. “I’m not actually an expert on wine pairings… I just like red with everything.” 

“Good enough for me.” Liquid burgundy swirled in her glass as she clinked it against his. “Cheers to…the best performance of your play that there ever was.”

True, the play had many imperfections, but in the end, no one else alive could portray Anakin and Padmé with the fire, passion, and _ chemistry _that she and Ren did. 

His eyes searched hers as the edges of his mouth quirked in a tentative smile. “You really think so?”

When she took a sip and nodded, he cleared his throat, gaze set on the floor.

“Good...I um...I know I said otherwise…but I actually do care about your approval. A lot. Just wanted you to know.” 

She grinned, but shrugged it off. “Don’t worry about it. My approval _ shouldn’t _matter. You’re the professor, and the professional actor. I’m not even a theatre major. I just have a lot of opinions.”

“Regardless, I can still care about your approval.” A soft laugh escaped him as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I actually _ like _you, which is a rare thing, so…I care about your opinion a lot more than most professionals.” 

She frowned, cocking her head. “Flattering as that is, that might be why you’re having trouble getting any acting gigs, don’t you think? You have to care about the opinions of some,even if it’s just to get ahead…”

She slowly circled into the living room as she spoke, setting their appetizer on the coffee table. He followed without hesitation. They sat close, legs pressed together, but his hands remained firmly around his glass. 

“No, that’s not why,” he scoffed and took a generous gulp. “I can’t get a job because the industry is rigged, and the so-called experts are nothing more than pretentious peacocks all jerking each other off over their mediocre ‘accomplishments’–and in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t play well with stupid people.”

She grabbed a piece of cheese and a cracker from the board, grinning around her mouthful as she chewed. “Oh, I’ve definitely noticed. How many students have you made cry in my class alone?” 

He let out a dark laugh and shrugged. “Well, there aren’t too many of you…but I know I’ve made some cry more than once.” 

That wasn’t hard to believe. But was it enough for him? 

“Do you even _want _to get back to acting?”

His eyes flew up to hers, and he nodded sharply. “Of course I do. I love acting itself, I just hate the politics and popularity contests and all of the other bullshit that comes with it…”

As soon as he finished off one glass, he poured another. 

“You are amazing, you know,” she murmured, tracing the rim of her glass. “At acting. I went on YouTube and watched a couple clips of your performances. And, of course, I’ve acted with you. You belong on the stage. A _ real _stage.”

“You did?” Praise seemed to be something he couldn’t quite compute, as his expression shifted about three times in half a second. “That uh...that means a lot. Truly.” 

When she finished her glass, she set it on the table and leaned back against the couch. It didn’t escape her notice that his gaze lingered on her lips for a moment, and her tongue darted out to collect the last bit of wine that lingered there. When his pupils dilated, she considered asking for another glass, but he beat her to the punch by pouring her a fresh one.

As she murmured her thanks, he slid his hand over to grasp hers. “You belong on the stage too, you know…you have more than enough raw talent and discipline for it. Plus, you can actually work with people, so you’d have a damn good shot at it.” 

Her lips parted in a sigh, and she closed her free hand over his. “I can’t just change my career path now. I’ve always been good at engineering, and all I want is a career that’s going to give me a chance at a life I didn’t think I’d ever get to have.”

“I know. I’m not saying just up and quit engineering.” He gave her hand a small squeeze. “You could always act on the side...and with all of these odds in your favor, you could still end up with the life you want. Maybe something bigger and better than you ever imagined.” 

She bit her lip, shaking her head. “I just– I don’t have the time. Rehearsals alone have been hard enough… Once this is over, I don’t see myself trying to pursue it. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“I can help you,” he offered, a bit too quickly. “Just because people don’t want to work with me doesn’t mean they wouldn’t value my recommendation. If you can handle _ my _rehearsals, you can definitely handle a little community theatre hobby.” 

She fell silent, tracing the veins on the back of his hand. “Maybe. I could _ think _about it. Once this internship ends, it looks like I’m in good shape to get a full-time position, which means I can quit my other job and have a more normal schedule. So…I can consider it then.” 

She breathed in deep as she mulled it over, then faced him with a bright grin. “But first, we should focus on getting _ you _back on stage. Unless, that is, you want to keep teaching intro classes…”

“Fuck no.”

“Mm, I didn’t think so. Maybe if you taught higher-level acting classes you’d like it better…” Pausing for a moment, she barked a laugh and shook her head. “Or not. It’d probably be worse with how egos inflate as people move up in their studies. You’d probably burn the entire department to the ground.”

He snorted. “See, you get it. I can’t have other egos competing with my own. Have to show them who’s in charge, you know…”

“Mmm-hmm. They’d tell stories of the man who single-handedly destroyed the spirit of the theatre department for decades to come. It might even become a university legend.”

“Maybe I should do it, then. I’ve always wanted to be a legend.” He smirked, though his brows furrowed a moment later. “But I’d have no escape route. I still can’t land any acting gigs with my reputation…” 

She pursed her lips. “All it takes is one performance, don’t you think? Maybe…maybe you could invite someone from the industry to come and watch this play? They could see you acting, which’ll remind them how great you are. And if they see you can direct and work alongside a bunch of college students, maybe they’ll think you’ve changed. At least enough to not be completely intolerable.” 

“That’s not a bad idea…” he murmured, then sighed. “If I can find any contacts who’ll still speak to me, that is.” 

“Just message anyone and everyone. Someone’s bound to show up.” 

She didn’t know for sure, of course, but it couldn’t hurt. If word traveled fast that Ren was a pain to work with, surely word about him changing for the better would make its way around too.

“Shall we start on dinner, then?” he asked, glancing at the charcuterie board they’d barely touched. “I did promise to feed you…” 

She perked up, but there was something she wanted to do before they gorged themselves. Something that she hadn’t gotten a chance to do all day. Standing to face him, she placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back against the cushions. He looked confused at first, but as she straddled his lap, chest flush with his, his eyes widened and he sucked in a shallow breath. He wasn’t an easy man to surprise, so catching him off guard satisfied her immensely.

“I wanted to do this the second that I saw you in that costume,” she whispered. Her fingers dove into his hair, and pressing even closer, she captured his lips in a searing kiss.

A groan rose from his chest as his hand snaked up her back, lips parting readily to taste her. She melted against him, tongue swiping against his own. They gasped in tandem as his hips thrust up against her. The heat of him radiated through his slacks, seeping into her jeans straight to her core. 

The attraction had been there since the beginning, but that first kiss had awoken a fierce hunger in her. With the risks they’d already taken, and the risks sure to come, there was no telling how long this relationship would last. As far as she was concerned, they didn’t have the time nor the freedom to casually date and slowly work up to sex. 

All they had, all they may ever have, was _ now. _

_ “_How about we build up an appetite before dinner?” she murmured hotly against his lips as her fingers curled beneath his jaw. 

He leaned into her touch, nodding slowly as half-closed eyes roamed over her features in hazy adoration. His teeth caught his bottom lip a second later, muffling a moan when she rolled her hips over his. His hands, huge and warm, slid over her thighs, prompting a gasp when he wrapped them around his waist and rose with her in his arms. At any other time, she might have clung to him for dear life, afraid he’d drop her. But he moved so carefully, so slowly, she didn’t worry for a second. 

Her arms circled loosely around the back of his neck as he carried her off. Her eyes flickered between his, a wicked little grin permanently stuck to her lips. Every step felt like an eternity, but thankfully, his bedroom wasn’t too far away. He kissed her hard to make up for the wait just as they crossed the threshold.

He carried her into the darkness until his knees bumped against something, then released his grip. She bounced back on the mattress springs with a little “_oomph” _. By the time her body settled into the plush sheets, he was on her. 

The dim light seeping in from the hall was just enough for her to see the adoration in his expression as he loomed over her. His hands crept over her waist to her chest, thumbs hooked under her shirt to lift it while his lips fell upon her neck, peppering her skin with soft kisses and nips. 

A contented sigh breezed past her lips as her hands slid from his neck down his back, tugging his shirt up just as he did the same for her. His hands fell away from her just long enough to pull the garment over his head. As he tossed it over his shoulder, her eyes raked over every inch of his exposed chest. She lamented the lack of light, but figured there would be other times to study every detail… For now, the most important thing was to _ feel. _Reaching out, her fingers grazed from his sternum to his navel, tracing faint outlines of muscle along the way. 

He let her explore for a moment, but not for too long before he resumed lavishing his attention all over her neck. She gave in and kicked her shoes off, lying back with a pleasured hum. It wasn’t long, however, before passion replaced caution, and gentle pecks turned to hard sucks and bites.

“Hey…” She tried to warn him, gently, but his attention only grew stronger. The sucks and bites made molten lava pool in her belly, almost distracting her from the major problem they were about to create. 

She wriggled beneath him and turned her head to block his mouth, which prompted a whine as she spoke. “You can’t leave any marks. We have more dress rehearsals, and then the play…unless you want to alter all the costumes last-minute so they go up to Padmé’s chin?”

“Fine,” he huffed. His fingers traced the tight band of her bra, trying to find a weak spot they could wiggle under. “I’ll mark you somewhere_ else, _then…” 

His lips brushed over her collarbone to her chest, then her belly as he crawled down her body. His fingers caught the edge of her jeans and started to unbutton them. As he did, she flung her bra to the side, and within seconds, she found her jeans bunched at her ankles with Ren settled between her legs.

His mouth lay a breath away from her lace-covered core, eyes hidden in shadow as he flattened his palms over her thighs. “I don’t think any of your skirts come up this high, do they?”

The sight of him, right _ there_, was enough to make her bain short-circuit. “I uh– No, no I don’t think so…”

His lips spread into a wolfish grin at her stammering before he descended. He sucked at her skin with little mercy, his tongue hot and teeth scraping against her until her breathing staggered. It felt so foreign, ticklish, even a little painful, but also good. _ Really _good. She kept her eyes open; wanting to watch him mark her.

He pulled back from her inner thigh with a soft ‘pop’, grinning down at his handiwork. She lifted her head a bit so she could glance at the mark. It was practically the size of a baseball, dark red and purple all throughout. Thank _ god _he hadn’t put that on her neck…

“Satisfied?” she asked, tone only slightly teasing. 

His chest brushed against hers as he climbed back up to peck her on the lips.

“It’ll do for now…” he murmured, hands slowly sliding over her breasts. “Just thought I’d give you a souvenir…so you don’t forget…”

She grinned at the mesmerized gleam in his eyes as she arched beneath his touch. Her chest had never given her much to brag about, but he seemed to think quite different. Reaching down, she attempted to undo his belt but simply couldn’t reach. 

Lips forming into a pout, she whined, “It’s not fair that I’m just in my panties and you’re still half-dressed…”

“It’s not fair…?” He sat back for a moment to kick off his slacks, revealing black boxer-briefs. The slacks were discarded with the rest of their clothes, but the belt remained on the bed. 

“Since when…did you think…” His mouth landed on her collarbone and trailed down to the small swell of her breast, where his lips closed over her nipple. He tugged it with a gentle bite and murmured against her skin. “I would be fair to you?” 

She instinctively bit at her lip to keep herself quiet, but soon realized where she was. She wasn’t in her flat with Finn. Or on campus. She was with Ren, alone, in a house in the middle of nowhere, with zero need to muffle her pleasure. So when he started to toy with her other breast, she moaned her appreciation, hands tangling in his hair.

“You’re too cruel…” She murmured petulantly, rolling her hips in search of friction. 

A low chuckle rumbled against her skin before he pulled back, raising a brow at her with a teasing smirk. 

“Not as cruel as you, My Queen..”

A flash of heat dipped through her, and her hands fell from his hair, dragging over the planes of his chest. 

_ My Queen… _

Before she knew it, his fingers snagged at the seam of her underwear, and she lifted her knees to help him slip off her panties. Instead… 

“_ Oomf!” _

A gasp flew from her chest when he flipped her onto her stomach. He did it so _ effortlessly, _like she was nothing more than a ragdoll. Excitement thrummed in her veins and a soft, slightly nervous laugh escaped her as he brushed aside her hair and nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck. “Hm, this is a surprise…”

Something clinked behind her, and her whole body tensed when leather slid across her wrists. Her heart hammered a heavy beat as Ren tugged her hands over her head and secured them to the bedpost. When he was finished, she carefully tested the strength of the belt. Her hands threatened to slip through the moment she applied enough pressure, so he didn’t make it inescapable. Just…

“So this is one of your kinks, then?” She tried to glance at him over her shoulder, but quickly discovered her head couldn’t comfortably twist that way.

As she laid her cheek against the pillow, warm hands slid down her back, thumbs dragging over each bump of her spine. Her eyes slipped closed and her body melted beneath his touch. His hands spanned over her ass, giving it a squeeze before he tugged at the waistband of her panties. The thin fabric slid off her ever so slowly, exposing her inch by inch to the chilly air until nothing but huge palms and teasing fingers remained to warm her. 

“It’s my kink now,” he answered her earlier question, kissing the sensitive backs of her knees as he massaged her calves.

“Oh…mm...” She bit her bottom lip, rubbing her cheek into the pillow. She wasn’t sure she was one hundred percent on board with being tied up just yet, but she could always free herself she wanted to. They should probablyestablish a safe word or something if they were going to continue, but for now…she wanted to see how this played out. 

One hand rustled the sheets underneath her body, brushing up her ribs and chest until five fingers loosely wrapped around her throat.

Arching her neck, she gasped, “Jesus, Ren…”

His fingers flexed around her neck as his free hand nudged her thighs apart. “Tell me to stop, and I will…” 

“No, no, don’t stop….” She’d raise hell if he pulled away. If he didn’t touch her where she wanted him, and _ soon, _she wouldn’t be able to control herself. 

“I want you…” She buried her face against her shoulder, where the heat of her cheek seared into her skin just as his hand pushed the rest of the way between her legs. Mouth gaping wide as he cupped her sex, she whimpered and bucked into his hand as best she could. Yet it still wasn’t _enough. _

“Already wet for me, hm?” he whispered against her ear. The fingers around her neck tightened a little as the ones between her legs slowly rubbed back and forth. 

Her teeth dug into her bottom lip so hard they nearly drew blood. She groaned and nodded to his question, though the movement was slight due to the hand constricting her neck. The pressure made her head swim, and her breath left her in soft pants. 

“_ Ren.. _.”

He ground his palm harder against her, and in the process, his fingers slipped between her soft lips to brush her clit. His movements alternated every few seconds, from stroking to circling to rolling the tiny nub between his thumb and forefinger. His careful, gentle exploration left her teetering on the fringe of sanity. 

Stuttered, choked moans muffled against the pillow as he teased her. Her arms strained against the belt, and she exhaled a high whine before turning her head to gasp into the air as she felt herself climbing towards that peak. She didn’t want to crest over it. Not yet. If she came now, she wouldn’t have the energy to carry on; she’d simply become a pile of boneless mush. 

“Please_ … _ Ren… I _ need _you…”

“You do?” he murmured against the back of her neck, just before his finger slipped past her clit and into her tight heat_ . _ His chuckle vibrated the air as she keened. “Ah, you do…” 

Her hips gyrated in tandem to the movement of his fingers, pushing her towards that brink. Just as she teetered on the edge, his hands left her body, and she slumped into the mattress with a frustrated groan. She’d asked for it, but she was dripping with anticipation. 

Something ripped behind her, and she twisted herself so she could peer over her shoulder. _ Oh… Right! _ Good thing he’d remembered the condom, because she definitely hadn’t. _ And _she wasn’t on birth control. 

_ Maker, that could have been terrible. _ What kind of horrible twist of fate would it be to get pregnant after her first time? And with her professor? She counted her lucky stars that Ren seemed to know what he was doing. But she wasn’t going to just lay there like a– what was the term– Pillow Princess? No, definitely not. 

Tugging on the belt for support, she maneuvered onto her knees, swaying her hips in a way she hoped would entice him. It seemed to work as he inhaled a sharp breath. Grasping her hips, he practically yanked her back against him before his cock nudged her entrance. 

“Oh, oh_ …” _ Her jaw snapped shut, and as he slowly sunk into her, she buried her face into the pillow. The stretch was a bit uncomfortable– more so than she’d been expecting, but it didn’t exactly _ hurt. _ Given how many stories she’d heard about painful first times, she considered herself lucky. 

His moan, though, sent a flash of heat through her. He hadn’t made such a wanton sound until now, and it was music to her ears. The discomfort subsided, and she rolled her hips back against him. “Please… move.._ .” _

He obeyed, slowly at first before he picked up the pace. She hadn’t noticed how hard his fingers had dug into her hips until he loosened his grip. They left a dull throb, but the pain was completely overshadowed by the thick, hot pressure of him moving inside her. His body arched over hers as he slammed into her over and over, reaching for her clit again as his breaths came in ragged, uncontrolled gasps. 

“God, Rey….you’re…fucking…_ perfect.. _.”

Each thrust, each savage growl, each circle of his fingers sent shocks of pleasure through every nerve, and her body flared with heat.

“Ren… Ren…!”

The pleasure mounted again, but her wrists ached from how hard she tugged against her restraints. Her thighs trembled from the effort of keeping her hips propped up for him. Between thrusts, she urged him, “Turn… Turn me around…” 

His movements stalled as he reached to untie her, and she took that moment to catch her breath. As soon as the belt loosened, he flipped her over again, and she wasted no time reaching for him. She’d missed how he felt in her hands. One hand dove into his hair while the other rested on his arm, rubbing the curve of his bicep. 

She didn’t expect to see such passion in his eyes when they met hers. Even in the dim light, they shone like black diamonds, with a watery sheen that almost made her wonder if she’d pushed him to tears. But that would be absurd. No way a man of his age, let alone one who was into bondage and choking, would get so emotional over what was probably his hundredth fuck. 

Maybe a lash got caught in his eye. Or it was allergies. She didn’t have long to ponder this either way as he sunk back into her, and her lips parted in a soft, appreciative moan. This was _ so much better _than the position before.

His expression softened beneath the curtain of his hair, though a twinge of a snarl remained at the edge of his lips. He didn’t tear his gaze away from hers as he buried himself in her over and over. 

“Rey…_ o-oh fuck _….Rey…!” 

The brush of his fingers between her legs was maddening; every thrust prompted another whimper or moan as her heart raced faster and faster. The warm pool in her belly turned to lava so fast her head spun. When her inner walls clamped down on his cock, his name ripped from her throat, and she careened into an orgasm that shook the stars. 

She barely felt it when he slammed into her one last time. He bit into her neck, muffling a strangled moan as his body shivered with the last spasms of ecstasy. His forehead fell against her shoulder, and after a series of breathless kisses, he carefully pulled out.  
  
She stretched and sighed, feeling all at once achingly empty and satisfyingly spent. The mattress shifted beside her as he rolled off of her to dispose of the condom, and a spasm of nervousness burst through her. What if he told her to leave? Or what if he left? Walked away without a word, hid in another room, and waited for her to take a cab home? 

She couldn’t spiral for long before he cuddled up to her again, and the prickling sensation in her gut faded as quick as it had come. A soft smile graced her lips as her fingers combed through his feathery locks.

“I _ definitely _need to get on the pill ASAP…” 

“Uh, yes please, that would be great…” 

She stifled a snicker at his response, then sighed as she simply basked in the afterglow. He was her first…and it had been _ perfect. _Her body felt more sated and relaxed than it had been in who knew how long.

There was only one problem. “I uh– I don’t think I’m going to have the energy to cook dinner for us after that.”

“That’s what takeout is for.”


	11. Meet Me in the Afterglow

Ren couldn’t have imagined a better first time. Mainly because Rey hadn’t seemed to notice it  _ was _ his first time. 

He would’ve been grateful to share such a significant event with anyone who remotely mattered to him. Seeing how his handful of dates turned out before now, that was a surprisingly hard bar to reach. At best, he thought he might eventually lose his virginity to some mediocre girl, with mediocre interests and just enough decency to hold up her end of the conversation. But for him to fantasize for so long about Rey, and get to live out that fantasy, without once embarrassing himself in the process…he could only make one conclusion out of that.   
  
_God must love me. _

His lips curved in a sleepy smile as he rested his head in the crook of Rey’s neck, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair as her fingers ran across his scalp. Nothing else existed but her and the little fire crackling in his chest. The rest of the world could burn to the ground and he wouldn’t even notice. 

Alas, their growling bellies couldn’t be ignored forever. After he’d placed their takeout order, Rey, of  _ course _ , tried to wriggle out of his grasp to go study. 

As if he’d let that happen. 

His arm tightened around her, his voice a husky growl in her ear. “If you think I’ll be able to leave you alone to bury your nose in a book after all of  _ this _ , you have another thing coming...”

" _ Professor…”  _ His eyes glinted mischievously as she huffed. "Unlike yours, my other classes have  _ tests _ . Finals, specifically. I need to study or I'm going to lose my scholarships." 

He buried his face in her chest, shaking his head and squeezing her tight to him. “I’ll just blackmail your other professors into giving you an A....” 

He was kidding. Mostly. “Knowing you, you were more than prepared a month ago for these finals....”

"I've already studied for one,” she admitted. “I could get a zero on the second final and still have a B, and the third class... I mean, the final isn't for another four days..."

“See? You’re a genius. You’ll be fine...” he assured her, then perked up as he thought of something else. “I can exempt you from rehearsals Monday, to give you extra time to study. Everyone else needs the practice more than you do—and I can focus better on helping them if you aren’t there distracting me...”

Brows raised, she pursed her lips. "Having Monday free would be perfect for my first exam, because then I wouldn't have to worry about being too tired to study. Oh, and I can go ahead and take one of the finals online because it'll open at noon...I think you have yourself a deal. And I suppose I could throw in staying the night tonight to make it a fair trade..." 

His breath hitched and she quickly added, "If uh, you want me to stay overnight, that is..."

“Of  _ course _ I want you to stay. In fact, it’s required.” 

If she had planned on leaving tonight, she’d have to sneak out the window while he slept. No way he could stand to sleep alone after this. In fact, he might not be able to spend a night without her ever again. 

"Mm, alright then,” she hummed. “I will.”

She leaned forward, and a quiet moan vibrated against her lips as he kissed her back, one hand sliding from the back of her neck to cup her jaw. 

He’d never been this happy in his entire life. And this wasn’t even the peak—there was so much more to look forward to, all the joys and milestones of a real, proper relationship. Now that he’d made it this far, he wasn’t about to let  _ any  _ of it slip through his grasp. 

* * *

A little less than an hour later and Rey was lured from the bedroom by the smell of fresh Indian takeout. A familiar black T-shirt billowed around her as she bounded into the kitchen, and Ren eyed her with a low snort.   
  
“Nice shirt, where’d you get it?” 

"Oh, you know, I just picked it up off the floor,” she chirped, brushing beside him to grab some silverware. “Finders keepers losers weepers."

“Is that so? Should I expect that with every shirt I throw on the ground?” 

"Shirts are a danger, and sweatshirts are guaranteed to be swiped.”   


While she bounded to the table, his eyes followed her hungrily. A brief flash of her upper thighs and the curve of her bare bottom hinted she wore nothing else beneath his shirt.

“Mm. I guess I could live with that.”

She grinned wide, a happy flush appearing on her cheeks. They ate in companionable silence for a bit before his curiosity got the better of him.

“What do you usually cook at home? Ramen?”

"Hm?” She looked up, her cheeks adorably full before she swallowed to answer him. “Oh, not really. My roommate has a buddy with a Costco membership so he stocks up on bulk items for us. I've learned to get creative when I have to work my way through five pounds of cheddar cheese."

Roommate? _He?_  
  
“I didn’t know you had a roommate.” He leaned back in his chair, trying and failing to sound casual. 

“Pretty much  _ all _ college students have roommates,” she pointed out. “Even the rich ones live on campus in two to four bedroom dorms.”

“I lived in a one bedroom apartment through undergrad _ and _ grad school.” 

Still, he understood he’d been a bit of an exception. Most of his classmates roomed with their friends. But obviously, he’d never been one to play well with others. The idea of living with a stranger, or even an acquaintance, made him shudder. He’d drive them out within the first week. 

She rolled her eyes and chuckled dryly. "Of  _ course _ you did." 

“If you can live alone, why not do it?” He muttered between bites of naan. “Roommates are so annoying...” 

“Sometimes it’s nice to live with someone else. I’d think it’d get pretty lonely always coming home to an empty flat.”

He shrugged. “For me it’s a choice for the lesser of the two evils, between loneliness or constant irritation...” 

He was used to both, but at least he could reduce the latter by avoiding people. He’d never found anyone who could cure his loneliness—until recently.

“It's not a  _ constant _ irritation when you live with someone you can get along with,” she sighed. 

“But you know me. Everyone irritates me. Except you....most of the time.” He flashed a grin, then asked, “So. Do I know him, this roommate of yours?”

“Yeah, it’s Finn.”

Seriously? Of all people, she lived with Storm?

He supposed he should be glad it wasn’t Dameron. His eyes narrowed as she continued, but she didn’t seem to notice. 

“We’ve roomed together for, well, I guess almost ever. We grew up in the system together. He got out before me, but his roommate was an absolute slob so he asked me to live with him. It all worked out pretty smoothly.”

“He was...in the system with you?” Damn. That was a lot of shared trauma to compete with. 

When she simply nodded around a forkful of curry and basmati rice, he cleared his throat.

“So uh...did you two ever date or anything?”

A wistful smile touched her lips. "We kissed when we were like, fourteen or something…”

If he’d been holding a glass, it would’ve shattered in his hand. But before he could say anything, or even start to spiral, the rest of her explanation silenced his inner screams. 

“...The cheeky bastard still claims that kissing me gave him all the courage he needed to accept the fact that he’s one hundred percent gay.”

All the air blew out of Ren’s chest in a low, relieved laugh. “Wow...If anything, I’d think kissing  _ you _ would turn a gay man straight.”

Her grin nearly spread to her ears. “I’m not very interested in kissing men right now...except the one sitting across from me.”

Well, that was a cue if he’d ever heard one. He leaned over the table to pepper soft kisses over her lips and cheeks. “I still don’t know how I got so lucky...”

"I don't know when you got so cheesy,” she chuckled."But I don't think I mind it at all."

Rey ate with all the grace of a starving animal as they finished their meal, practically licking her plate clean before reclining in her chair. 

"So...Care to give me a tour of your place? I still haven't gotten a proper look-around."

His lips pressed in a thin line, gaze shifting between the kitchen (seen), the bedroom (defiled), the storage room (locked), and the basement door. 

“Uh...sure, but there’s not much to see.” He cleared his throat and stood, shifting his weight from one foot to the other before finally heading to the basement. 

Seemed like the safest place to start. 

“It’s the coldest part of the house, so I put my home gym down here.” He flipped on the light beside the door and gestured for her to head on down. “Ladies first.”

"Got the whole Spartan-living thing going on here, don't you?" she asked as she trailed down the stairs, whistling when she caught sight of all his high-tech workout equipment.   


“If working out is all it takes to be a Spartan, sure…”

She probably thought it was too much—like the food. Why buy thousand dollar equipment when he could get a gym membership instead, right? Or better yet, not buy a thing and just do bodyweight exercises. Well, if she  _ did _ question how he spent his money, he’d be ready to fire off about fifty reasons why all of this was  _ completely _ necessary, and... 

"How often do you work out?" 

“Hm?” As he processed the tail end of her question, he noticed her wandering eyes. A grin tugged at his lips before he replied. “I do a different muscle group every day. Or I try to. You can probably tell when work has gotten in the way of it...”

"I'm sure  _ you _ can tell, but as for me..." She smirked as her gaze flicked over his biceps, and he bit his lip to hide a smile. 

“I meant you can tell by how many chairs I throw. The energy has to go somewhere, so if I skip a day...” 

“Mm, right…”

When her eyes wandered even lower, he returned her once-over, visually tracing her muscular thighs. He’d first noticed them during the infamous Legging Incident **™** , and had wondered ever since what her routine was (and if she’d be interested in a workout partner). Before he could ask, she spoke up.

"I’d think most people would use this space for storage, y'know?” Her hands settled on her hips as she surveyed the basement. “It's impressive you haven't just shoved boxes and other miscellaneous crap down here."

“Uh...yeah, I just put that stuff somewhere else...needed more space for the equipment, you know.”

"Really? Where'd you put it?" she asked, turning to him with an arched brow. "Is there a yearbook with a picture of a teenage B.S. I could get my grubby little hands on?"

He passed a subtle glance to the stairs, then looked everywhere but at her, scratching the back of his neck.

“No, no yearbooks, never bought one...just old clothes, furniture, notebooks...I’ve been meaning to get rid of it, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to give it to Goodwill or a charity drive or throw it all in a landfill—you know what, yeah, I’ll probably just do that. Soon. Thanks for reminding me, I needed to clear out that room...”

"I can help you," she piped up, and his stomach churned. "I'm sure you've got quite a bit to sort through, and I don't mind helping at all..."

Shit.  _ Shit. _ Why didn’t he just lie and say he just had no storage anywhere? Sure, that sounded weird, but he was weird enough already for her to believe it... 

“No, no, it’s my trash, I’ll sort through it. You’re way too busy anyway.” He waved her off and headed back upstairs. “I can uh...show you around the garage. Lots of tools there for the engineer girl to play with...”

"You're speaking my language.” She grinned, bounding up behind him. "What do you usually use the tools for?"

“Uh...you know...car stuff.” When they reached the garage, exactly one basic toolkit sat in the far corner collecting dust. Beside it was a jack and a spare tire. Aside from that and a worn out punching bag, the garage was empty. 

“I mean, I’m not constructing cars from scratch in here, but I  _ can _ do general maintenance, I swear.” 

A snort left her when her eyes fell on the pathetic-looking toolkit. "Car stuff, huh?" Frowning down at the box, she looked to him and asked beseechingly, "Please don't tell me you bring these tools anywhere  _ near _ that beautiful Mustang..."

He rubbed his jaw, eyes shifting as he scrambled for a way out of this ‘tour’. 

“What’s wrong with them? A wrench is a wrench, right?” 

_ If I were at her place, what would distract _ me  _ from going through her things? _ He tried to mull it over, but found his eyes wandering to her bare legs. God, she looked so good in his shirt, even if it was ten sizes too big. She’d look good in anything...

_ Aha.  _

"I have a lot to teach you, don't I?" She hummed and tapped a finger against her lips. "Now that's an idea. I wouldn't mind schooling the great Kylo Ren in something."

He nodded slowly, fixating on her mouth. “Yeah...why don’t you do that...” 

He couldn’t think of anything more boring than a lecture on auto repair (except perhaps everything else Rey was an expert on), but he doubted he’d have to listen for long. 

“I know you’re being facetious, but I like when you call me that,” he hummed as he sauntered over, about two feet closer than necessary. “It’s almost as good as  _ Professor.” _

Her eyes glimmered and her lips parted into a wicked grin. One arm looped around her middle as she let the other fall to her side.

"What's that?" Brows raised and head tilted, she asked with mock-innocence, "You like it when I call you the great Kylo Ren?”

“Mmhm...” He tugged her against him and leaned in to nuzzle her, prompting a little laugh.

“Who would have thought your ego would respond so well to such obvious stroking?"

His chuckle vibrated against her neck. She walked right into this one.

“That’s not the only part of me that responds well to stroking.”

"Oh? Where else do you like to be stroked?" 

A shiver followed the touch of her fingertips as they slid along his chest, summoning a shaky sigh. “Anywhere, really...so long as it’s you touching me...” 

Coyly, she ran her other hand over his shoulder blades, then down his lower back. Her expression remained open, curious, even while playful mirth swam in her eyes. 

“So you wouldn’t mind if I stroked you even...here?” she asked, grinning wide as she brought her hands back up and gently cupped one of his ears. Her thumb stroked along the shell, tugging gently. 

That was definitely  _ not  _ where he’d been hoping she’d touch him. Despite his disgruntled sigh, he couldn’t hide a faint smile from the edge of his lips. 

“I  _ suppose _ I can permit it...” 

Even when he initiated something with her, even when he played at being dominant, she always managed to intimidate him—just a little. The most confident he’d felt since all this began was when he’d first kissed her, and that was only because he  _ had _ technically kissed others before. On stage, in character, but it was practice enough. Everything else was so new, it might as well have been the world’s most challenging improv game. 

At least one of them seemed to know what she was doing. But then again, that’d mean she’d had lots of experience... 

Stung by that thought, he kissed her hard, driving away his envy with the warmth of her lips and the taste of her tongue. 

_ Mine now. All that matters... _

She moaned softly, sweetly into his mouth. “What do you say we go back to bed?” she suggested, murmuring against his lips.

He lit up, humming his approval between kisses as he pulled her with him back in the house. 

“I hope...you don’t mind...staying here for the next week...” His lips pressed lower and lower with each word, each step closer to the bedroom. One hand tugged at the edge of her neckline, allowing him to kiss her shoulder, while his free hand bunched the shirt up to her hips. “Or the next month...I have so much lost time to make up for...”

“I have a sneaking suspicion I’m not going to see my own bed for quite a while,” she mused, her lips curling. 

“Mmhm...you might as well get rid of it, really...just stay here...”  _ Forever _ . 

“That doesn’t sound half bad,” she responded cheekily.

She gasped and laughed as they bumped into a wall, having gotten too caught up in each other to properly pay attention to their path. He laughed along with her. Once they managed to stumble into the bedroom, she wasted no time scrambling onto the bed. He was only a second behind.

“Why don’t you teach me a few more things, Professor?”

“Teach you things?” That suggestion gave him pause, but he filled the silence with more kisses and caresses, trailing from her ankles up to her knees. “I thought you were playing teacher today...”

He wet his lips when her legs parted, arms flexing beneath her touch as his hands slid up and down her thighs. She returned his kisses with equal enthusiasm, letting her fingers trail into his hair and back over his arms. 

“Hmm...I recall offering to teach you about how to properly take care of that beautiful car of yours. I’m more than happy to let you teach me about  _ this _ .” 

Her words didn’t fully register until she grabbed his ass and ground against him, further proving the point he was so afraid of. 

_ She’s done this before. A lot. _

If she’d asked him to do anything specific—punish her, worship her, fuck her on every surface in this house—he would’ve done it. But to  _ teach _ her about sex...even if that was her fantasy, it would require more than passion and luck. She’d know if he was bullshitting. 

“I would, but...I really think it’s more your area of expertise...”

“Wait,  _ what _ ?”  Brows twitching together, she pulled her face away from his. “It’s...uh...really not. I assumed it was— I mean— the  _ belt _ …”

His muscles corded over her, tensing from his brow to his shoulders to all the way down his back. Fuck. He shouldn’t have said anything. Sure, he’d hoped she wouldn’t care about his lack of experience if he made up for it, but clearly... 

Jaw snapped closed, she cut herself off, then admitted in a breathless rush, “You were my first.”

His eyes snapped to hers, then narrowed as he tilted his head. “But you seem so...so...” 

He grasped for words, but quickly gave up. He’d been her first. Her ruse had worked as well as his.

A laugh pushed its way up through the tightness of his throat until eventually, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. Before she could assume he was laughing at  _ her _ , and leave him alone in a cold bed, he drew her into an embrace. 

“I’m sorry...ah, I can’t believe this...” His voice muffled against her shoulder as he gradually composed himself. “We tricked each other...”

Her eyes flicked back and forth between his as the crease between her brows deepened. "Tricked? What do you--?" she blinked, jaw going slack as it finally hit her. 

"But you-- the belt--" A disbelieving laugh shook her chest. "Do you mean to tell me you  _ improv'd _ kinky BDSM for your...your..." she trailed off, jaw working as he offered her a sheepish grin. 

“I didn’t know how I’d react, or how  _ you’d _ react if you saw me get too emotional, so...turning you around and keeping you there seemed like the best course of action.” 

Obviously a ridiculous idea, now that he said it aloud, but he seemed to have pulled it off. Her laugh rang throughout the room.

"Has anyone ever told you you're bloody ridiculous?" she asked, gasping and catching her breath. Bringing a hand to her eye, she wiped away the moisture that had gathered in the corners.

“I think  _ you _ have, at least a few dozen times...Why didn’t you tell me before? That it was your first time, I mean.” Heat slowly drained from his cheeks, leaving him loose and relaxed as he rolled onto his side, arm still draped over her abdomen. “I would’ve been thrilled—I  _ am _ thrilled, now that I know...”

She turned her head toward him and shifted closer. Peering up at him through her lashes, she swallowed at his question, though a relieved smile curled her lips as he went on.

"I don't know..." she murmured, eyes dancing over his features. "I didn't want to make it a big deal." 

Her lips pursed a second later and she shook her head. "No...that's not it. I didn't-- I wasn't worried I'd scare you off. I figured you must've had plenty of experience and-- well, I've overheard guys mention how they hate being a girl's first. That it's a turn-off, sometimes."

His expression twisted at that.

“Seriously? I might not be a typical guy, but I can’t  _ possibly _ be the only one who fantasizes about corrupting a sweet, innocent virgin...” It was only the biggest ego-booster for males worldwide for the last five thousand years or so. Maybe it was fucked up, but everyone liked to feel important. Powerful. 

"Oh, shut it," she chuckled, smacking his chest as a blush spread across their cheeks. "Kinda hard to corrupt a sweet, innocent virgin when you're one yourself, isn't it?" 

“ Yes, but I can  _ pretend _ ...and I’m quite good at it, apparently...” 

He snickered as she smacked him again, and took her hands in his to press placating kisses to her knuckles. 

“I don’t know about the douchebags you overheard, but _ I  _ would rather share an experience I’ll never forget with someone I know won’t forget it, either.” His arm curled tighter around her as he searched her eyes. “Someone very...special.”

Her gaze turned molten, and one of her legs slipped between his, pressing them closer together. She rubbed her cheek absently over his collar for a moment, then softly admitted, "I feel the same way." 

He curled against her in turn, eyes closed and nose pressed into her hair. He breathed in slow and deep, savoring her softness and sweet reassurances. 

_ I love you. I love you. I love you... _

“I...” His chest tightened as soon as the first word left his lips, and he rerouted just in time. “I’m so glad I waited for you. It wouldn’t have been worth it with anyone else.” 

He’d tell her soon enough. When she was out of his class, when they had dated more than a week, when he was sure his  _ intensity _ would feel earned rather than terrifying. If he said it at just the right time and place, maybe she’d say it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Jessa here! Long time, no see! Sorry about that. Julia and I both had a lot of life stuff go down, as I'm sure many of you can relate to. We're back again, and hope you're all staying safe and healthy! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the reveal!


	12. Skeletons in the Closet

If there was one place in Ren's apartment Rey would be content to spend the rest of her days, it would definitely be in Ren's bed. They'd gone for round two in it, then round three in the shower, and after replacing the sheets, she lay spread languidly across the wide expanse of his mattress. He'd managed to find a pair of sweatpants, and she'd snatched a sweatshirt. 

After muttering something about contacting First Order Talent Agency, he pried himself off of her with such difficulty you'd think they'd been glued together. He only got as far as grabbing his phone from the den before he was right back in bed. She cuddled up against his side, sapping his warmth as he scrolled through his contacts. She probably shouldn't have thought the way his brow scrunched closer and closer together as his eyes flicked over his phone was endearingly cute, but a spade was a spade…

“Fu-u-uck…” he growled under his breath. “Of course I deleted every trace of them…”

All too soon, he was out of bed and on his feet again. She left him to rummage around his room a bit, then went padding into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

By the time she returned, he was standing in front of the so-called storage room, key jammed in the lock. With a twist and a click, he slipped inside, yanking the door shut behind him. 

When she realized where exactly Ren had disappeared, curiosity lit like a live wire inside her veins. That room was the only part of the house she hadn't seen on her little tour. Not that it was a big deal, but...his home was kept so immaculately sterile -- apart from the collection of half-empty coffee cups littered on every surface. 

He'd told her it was a mess in there. Why had he gone inside?

All was quiet for a moment. Then something scraped like furniture against the floor, followed by the squeak of a drawer and shuffling. 

“Aha! Got you, motherfucker...” 

Ren emerged a second later, phone in one hand and a wrinkled piece of paper in the other. He’d closed the door again, but was too busy dialing to lock it. 

“Found my old agent’s number,” he explained as he stepped back towards the bedroom. “He’s an asshole, but if he has any sense at all, he’ll take me back...”

"That's awesome, Ren! Just convince him to come see the play, and then he'll have no choice but to take you back." Offering him two big thumbs-up as he disappeared into the other room, she swayed in place. 

She should follow him, right? Or...maybe she shouldn't. Yeah, no. She should let him focus on the conversation he was about to have. He didn't need her breathing down his neck. He could handle the call on his own.

Her eyes were drawn back to the storage room like a sailor answering a siren's call. She moved forward on silent feet, opening the door a crack.

_I'll just take a peek inside. That's all. Just one peek...woah._

The room wasn't big by any means. More of an oversized closet, really. But it was packed. From floor to ceiling were boxes, bags, and miscellaneous bits everywhere. Some of the boxes looked new-- smelled new. Like the cardboard had come straight off the press. The older ones were musty-smelling, the worst of them sat at the bottom, nearly crushed under the weight of everything piled on top and looking like they'd been transported at least a dozen times.

The handwriting stood out to her most. There were at least five different styles scribbled in different color of pen and sharpies. Kid's scrawl, elegant print, cursive, hasty scribbles... 

So many boxes. So many labels. She didn't know where to start first. She knew she shouldn't start anywhere. Ren hadn't invited her into this room. This was undoubtedly private.

But what did a little peek here and there hurt?

Reaching into a box labeled K-12, one of the decidedly older ones, she grinned as she found a small album of photos. There was no label on it, but she would recognize those eyes anywhere. Her grin was near-manic as she flipped through his childhood pictures. Baby Ren was adorable. Middle school Ren made her giggle. High school Ren had started growing into his frame well.

Carefully returning the album, she moved into a different box. What was L&H? The box was small. Just a few pieces of jewelry sat inside, and several formal ties. Squished under it all was a folder. She flipped it open and saw just a single newspaper clipping. Her brows furrowed when she saw Ren on the cover, young and dressed in a tux, with a man and a woman on either side of him.

The headline read: HUSBAND OF DEM. SENATOR OF NY, LEIA ORGANA, CAUGHT IN ART SMUGGLING RING 

Her brows twitched together. She remembered that scandal... vaguely. Not enough to recall any real details. She read the caption of the picture.

_Sen. Leia Organa (left) pictured with her son [name-redacted] (middle) and husband, famous racer Han Solo (right)_

Oh...

Swallowing thickly, she gingerly placed the newspaper down on the top of the box and glanced around. Peeking out from the box labeled 'trash' was what looked like a book. On closer inspection, though, she realized it was something else entirely.

It was a diary. 

She should stop now. Turn back before it was too late. This was far too personal for her to read...so why were her fingers parting the pages?

_July 4, 2008 _

_One of Mom’s benefit nights finally paid off. And I don’t mean the booze. That got me through about an hour of Aunt Amila, Uncle Lando, Artoo, Threepio, and God knows who all else asking me about this fucking degree. I’m so sick of it. Talking about it, thinking about it, suffering through these stupid research papers. The hell does research have to do with acting? _

_Anyway, I won’t have to deal with any of that shit ever again. Mom invited someone useful over for once. He saw the monologue I uploaded. Said I had raw power, it just needed to be honed. Said this degree wouldn’t help me in the slightest. Ha. You don’t have to tell me, man. I just didn’t think there was any other option until now. _

_He said I could be a professional by the end of summer. But I’d need to quit school, because after that, I’ll be getting auditions left and right. Sounds too good to be true, I know, but this guy’s legit. He’s the CEO of this super famous talent agency. Made me sign a contract and everything. Still waiting to tell Mom. _

_Not sure if I should even bother though, since I have to change my name (a complete identity change is apparently like method acting on steroids, fastest way to learn. I’ve always hated this fucking name anyway). She’ll be more pissed about that than anything. Probably try to stop me with one of her cronies. If I play my cards right, maybe I can get Snoke to help me get away, start over fresh. If he really thinks I’m worth it, that’s the least he could do._

Oh. Okay. Wow. She ran her fingers along the date on the diary, then glanced back to the newspaper. The publication for the latter was a few years earlier than the former. 

So maybe the scandal hadn't been all that bad...not if his mother's career had still continued. 

Glancing over her shoulder, she listened for the sound of Ren's voice. She could just barely hear it from across the flat, his low timbre filtering through the air. He was still on a call.

She had some more time.

Thumbing through the diary, a particular page caught her eye. The handwriting was much more sloppy; like chicken scratch as opposed to the almost-artful penmanship of the entry she'd just read. Brows furrowing, her eyes flicked over the words at rapid speed.

_FEB. 12. 2009 _

_Breakthrough rehearsal tonight. It took me so many tries to get this fight scene right, Snoke actually threatened to terminate our contract. I suppose he figured I’d gone numb to the usual insults—and he’d be right. I barely hear them anymore. He really should think of something more original than comparing me to Han Solo. _

_Regardless, I did everything by the book, punched the air hard and barely grazed Thanisson. He fell just like he should, fast and realistic. It looked fine. But Snoke wanted more. Always MORE, MORE, MORE. _

_So I gave him more. And you know what? It worked. When I actually hit him, I got such a rush. The lines just poured out without me having to think about it. The power felt so gloriously real. I suppose it was, in a sense. Thanisson was crying like a little bitch, like I broke his neck instead of his nose. He got booted, of course. Should have a replacement punching bag tomorrow. _

_Too bad this is a play and not a movie. It would’ve been the PERFECT take. I don’t know how many times I’ve pushed Snoke to get me a film audition, but he kept saying I wasn’t ready. _

_He knows I’m ready now. He hasn’t said so yet, but I can tell. I’ve never seen him look so proud of me._

Rey reeled back, exhaling a shaky breath. That was...intense. Really intense. He’d punched a man — Thanisson — in the face and gotten a high off it. He’d made a man cry, and _ gloated _ over it. 

She slowly closed the diary, inhaling deeply. That man in the diary...wasn’t who Ren was today, right? It was a past version of him. Younger, less wise. And, it seemed, fueled by an intense desire to win approval. From his mentor. 

From Snoke. 

Is that who he’d be returning to? If he went back to the agency? 

Was it a mistake to push him in that direction? 

Gently, she ran her hands over the front of the book. Her fingers traced over the dips and valleys impressed into the cover. 

“Ben Solo,” she murmured the same aloud.

“Did I _ say _ you could come in here?” 

She froze, turning around slowly. Ren stood in the doorway, shoulders nearly filling the frame. His expression made her blood run cold. His eyes burned right through her for an agonizing moment before his focus pinned on the diary. 

“Ren, I—“ she opened her mouth to apologize, or maybe give an excuse? 

Nostrils flaring, fists clenched, he crossed the room in two strides and ripped the book right out of her hands. Its spine nearly dented the wall when he flung it away from her. She flinched, heart picking up a mile a minute.

“That wasn’t yours to see,” he seethed. “None of this is.”

Adrenaline coursed through her. Her mind kindly reminded her, very vividly, of the pleasure he’d taken from punching his coworker. 

Fuck. Shit. She’d fucked up. Majorly. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m— I’ll just— I’ll just go—“ she whispered, inching toward the door, every instinct screaming for her to get the _ hell _out. He didn’t move to stop her. In fact, he stalked after her, practically herding her out of the room. 

As soon as he’d kicked the door closed behind him, something in the air changed. He was still fuming, but no longer closing in on her, eyes wide and lips parted as if she’d been the one to terrify him. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” His voice was barely more than a whisper, low and shaky. “What gave you the right? Who...who _ does _ that?”

He looked devastated. Shoulders sagging, expression torn. Her heart lurched at the sight. 

Curiosity sure as hell killed the fucking cat. 

“Ren, I...I’m sorry. I was just so...curious,” she whispered. Quickly, she rushed to say, “I know it’s not an excuse. I know that I crossed a line. I...I’m sorry. I’ll forget I ever saw anything and I— I’ll go. I’ll leave. I’m sorry.”

His shoulders heaved with shuddering breaths as he listened, eyes narrowed slightly and jaw rolling. Processing. But when she said she’d leave, that tripped another wire altogether. 

“No, don’t!” His voice almost cracked in its desperation as he lurched forward, then stopped himself, hands flexing at his sides as if grasping for a shred of self control. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, don’t leave me...please...”

“Wh-what?” She faltered, torn between rushing into his arms and rushing out the door. Just a moment ago she’d thought— she’d feared— 

“I thought— I thought you wanted me to go,” she stammered. “Because I...because you’re so angry with me.”

“I am—I mean, I _ was _...” He dragged a hand over his face, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I just...fuck...how would you feel, you know?” 

“I...yeah...” she agreed softly, though she didn’t know. Not really. She’d never had a history to record. Not like his. Not like...what she’d read. What she’d looked at. 

Dropping his hand, he took a step forward, then back again, apparently unable to make up his mind. 

“What all did you see?”

She looked away, arms caging herself. “Pictures, mostly...the newspaper article. About Han Solo. And... a couple entries in the journal.”

His eye twitched at Han’s name.

“Which entries?”

“Why... why does it matter?” she asked quietly.

His head lifted with a deep breath, and this time when he stepped forward, he didn’t retreat. 

“I deserve to know, don’t I?”

Her chest tightened and she conceded, “Yeah, you do. I...I read about when you had decided to quit college to go straight into the acting world. And then...later...when you punched the man you were acting with.”

He winced again, and his gaze dropped to the floor. 

“That was a long time ago.”

“Yeah, I know. I uh— I read the date. And I figured you’d grown past that, but....” she trailed off, swallowing thickly. “But I’m...I’m nervous. Because I told you to go back to him. Back to First Order and if you’re going go to work with Snoke again... that scares me.”

He sighed, shoulders lifting in a limp shrug. 

“It’s already done. I called Hux—the agent. He’s coming to the show.” He chewed on his lip, silent for a moment. “Right now, First Order—Snoke—is my best bet for getting my foot in the door. It’s just a stepping stone.”

He had a point...who else could come to the show? Ren had burned all his bridges in the acting industry. The only chance he had was Snoke...

“I don’t like how he treated you. The way you wrote about him...he sounded terrible.”

His head lowered even more, turned to the side to hide his face.

“Extreme methods lead to extreme results...extremely _good_ results...but I’ve learned all I need to know from him. I just need his connections now.”

Her stomach churned. “If that’s how it works...then I definitely don’t want to become an actress,” she murmured.

He looked sharply back at her, brows knit together, and finally closed the space between them. He didn’t quite touch her, but his hands hovered over her shoulders. 

“He wouldn’t do the same to you, I swear. I wouldn’t let him if he tried—I’m the only teacher you need. And I can teach you without...all of that.”

She swallowed, peering up at him from under her lashes. Her dream, up until recently, had been simple. Go to university, get her degree, and go work in a hanger until she dropped. But now...she was being presented with a new dream. Something she’d never imagined in her life. 

And it was scary. 

But maybe it could be a little less scary with Ren’s help. 

She stepped into him, cheek pressed against his chest as she inhaled deeply. 

“I really am sorry,” she murmured. “I...had no right to snoop. It won’t happen again, I swear.”

His head weighed heavily on top of hers as his chest expanded with a deep sigh. 

“I know you are...it’s okay...” His hands rubbed up and down her back, lips warm as they pressed against her forehead. “I’m sorry, too.”

She melted into him, her hands clutching the bare skin of his back with sudden desperation. She didn’t realize how badly she needed his forgiveness; his assurance he was willing to let this go. 

The realization that she could have lost him for good dawned on her. And so soon after they...she was such an idiot. 

Trailing her hands higher, she cupped the back of his neck in her and as she rose to her tip-toes, desperately seeking out his lips. When she found them, she slanted hers over them, kissing him soundly. Within minutes, they were right back where they started that morning, the room of secrets all but forgotten. 

Out of sight, out of mind.


	13. An Expected Audience

At least once every day, Ren begged to spend more time with Rey, either through text or during rehearsals. He always knew she'd say she was too busy this week, but he had to at least _ try _ and drag her away from her studies--like how she dragged him into dark corners mere feet away from his other students at the rehearsals. 

He'd never been so frustrated in his life, yet he loved every second of it. His mood was equally conflicted on opening night. He was already halfway in character by the time he arrived, barking orders to everyone that showed up and pushing heavy set pieces into place on his own when the others weren't moving fast enough. At the same time, he felt his heart skip a beat every time he snuck a glance out the back door, seeing the parking lot fill up with cars. It was a better turnout than he could've hoped for, and the doors hadn't even been opened yet. 

_ Where the hell is Rey? She needs to see this... _ He thought as he stalked through the backstage area in search of her. Once he'd eliminated the main stage, the wings, and even the flies, all that was left were the dressing rooms. Obviously, he couldn't just burst in there. 

His knuckles raised to knock against the ladies' dressing room door just as he noticed Tico approaching with a makeup bag. "You. Where's Rey?" 

"Um...I...I don't know, professor--" 

"Aren't you friends with her? Why don't you know?" 

"Why don't _ you _\---" Rose started to say before turning white as a sheet, trying to pass him with rushed mumbles. "I'm sorry, I'll call her, I'm sure she's just...stuck in traffic or something..."

Ren was so taken aback he couldn't think of an appropriate response before the girl disappeared.

_ Why don't I know? Is that what she meant? _

A twinge of anxiety crept up his spine before he shook it away, trudging back down the hall to make sure the boys were also getting ready at an acceptable pace. 

_ There's no way Tico could know, even if she and Rey are close. Rey would never brag about being my girlfriend. If anything, she's ashamed of me---oh God. What if that's why she's not here? No, no, she wouldn't bail tonight, she knows that's asking for me to raise hell.... _

Just as he was about to start calling hospitals to see if she'd gotten into an accident, he heard panting as shoes slapped across the polished stage. Whipping around, he only caught a glimpse of Rey, rushing around the corner just as the audience started to filter in from the lobby. She was here. The show could go on, thank God. 

Still, Ren lurked outside the dressing room again, itching to have a _ word _ with her before the curtains raised.

***

"Professor Ren was asking where you were," Rose informed Rey about two seconds after the door closed behind her. Dabbing on the last little bit of her makeup, Rose had just about three minutes to spare before she needed to be on stage for the first act. 

"Yeah, well, he knows that I had finals all week. The last one ran late," Rey said, still trying to catch her breath. She plopped down at the vanity beside Rose and wiped the sweat from her face. Fumbling with the makeup, she tried to keep her mind off the countdown of the clock, and the bundle of nerves in her stomach.

"So this is it, then, huh?" Rose moved from the vanity over to the wardrobe, grabbing her costume to change. 

"What?" Rey asked, halfway distracted. 

"It’s the last class, in a way. After this, he'll submit the grades and it'll be over. We won't be his students anymore." She met Rey's gaze briefly in the mirror. "I'm sure that'll be a... relief." 

Rey swallowed, then turned to look the other girl in the eye. "Rose... Thank you for not saying anything to anyone. I...just...thank you."

Offering a sheepish smile, Rose nodded. Having finished changing, she said, "Alright, well. See you out there. Break a leg or-" They both winced, thinking of Poe. "Maybe don't do that. Good luck." 

***

As Ren paced, he could hear the girls’ muffled voices through the door, but couldn't make out any of what they were saying. Were they talking about the play? About him? 

When Rose slipped out of the dressing room, he barely shifted out of the way to let her pass, eyes narrowed as she scurried off. Was she just afraid of him like everyone else was, or was that guilt? The rest of the girls were in the wings already, leaving Rey alone in the dressing room. 

For the love of God, what was taking her so long? Again, he was about to knock and snap at her to get onstage, just like he would any other student, when he jumped at the sound of a crash and a pained yelp. 

He turned the knob and rushed inside without a second thought. Eyes widening at the sight of Rey on the floor, he dropped to his knees, frantically looking over her for any obvious injuries before wrapping his arms around her torso to bring her back to her feet. All the while, one breathless question after another spilled from his lips. 

"What happened? Are you okay? Why were you so late? Can you walk? You have to be on in five minutes, please tell me you can at least stand..."

Her finger pressed over his lips to silence him. Realizing she was alright, he gave a weak smile, kissing her fingertip before placing his hand over hers. 

Gazing up at him with no small amount of amusement, she said, "I tripped on the dress and fell. I'm fine. I'll probably be a bit bruised tomorrow, but it's not the worst I've ever experienced." Her hand lowered to rest on his chest. "I'm sorry I'm late. My last final ran long and so I had to rush over here at top speed.”

"Your final...of course." He might've expected that, if it were earlier in the day. "I'm going to have a _ talk _ with that professor. Who gives finals until seven o'clock at night?" 

"Well, you know...lab tests take a lot more time than classroom tests, and with all the STEM majors on campus, the time slots fill up quickly…” 

This was what he never understood about STEM fields. Alright, there was a _ lot _ he didn't understand, but just from a methodological perspective, he couldn't see why everything had to be so damn rigid and strenuous. Theatre required hours of practice, but only because a whole group of people had to remember their lines and work together. What could be so hard about cramming equations into one brain before spewing it out on paper?

“I'm ready to go on, if you wouldn't mind..." Rey turned and pointed to the zipper on the back of the dress.

His hand skimmed down over her bare shoulders to her lower back before grasping the zipper. As he tugged it up, he leaned over her, pressing his lips against her neck. 

"Ready now, my queen?" he murmured, smirking as he took her hand and ushered her towards the door. "I think the whole town's waiting for you."

Smoothing her hands over the front of her dress, she turned to him with an audible gulp, and his brows knit with concern. He might've guessed she'd have stage fright, everyone did, but she'd always been so confident in rehearsals... 

"It's okay if you're nervous. Padmé is too, a good chunk of the time," he said, pushing open the door with his free hand as he led her through the dark, narrow hall towards the wings. "Just stay in character, and everything else will follow. I know you'll be perfect. You always are."

When she looked at him, he felt a crack, like his words had finally broken through the icy fears that kept her paralyzed. When she glanced down to his lips, his eyes darkened but he drew back. As much as he'd love it, she couldn't kiss him right here in front of everyone...

"Kiss me tonight. On stage. For real." 

Her whispered words reached his ears and his heart skipped a beat. She’d seriously risk a real kiss? On stage? With him? What would her friends think? Not that he cared, but he thought _ she _ would. Maybe she only cared until she wasn't his student anymore, which was in...about five hours. As of tomorrow, they could kiss in public as much as they wanted---though it'd be obvious to anyone with _ eyes _ that they'd been having an affair long before then. 

_ I'm going to lose my job _ , he realized as she strode onstage like a true royal. _ It'll be worth it, though....it'll be worth it. _

He gave it his all in every scene, letting his character possess him body and soul. Even while offstage, he lurked in the curtains, stoically observing his students the way Vader would observe his troops. 

Ah, and there was his Padmé...his queen, his enemy, his angel. She would be his, soon enough. When the time came, he crossed the stage towards her and fell into their battle of wits and wills as easily as he had during rehearsals.

Line by line, he cornered her, amping up the menace in his stance and the heat in his voice, until she couldn't move any further away. His eyes dropped to her stained red lips and time stood still. He didn't have to think about his choice. After all, it wasn't _ his _ choice to make. It was Vader's. 

His mouth slammed against hers with searing ferocity. If it hurt her, he'd regret it later, but for now, there was no room for gentleness or hesitation. All he could do was lose himself in the feeling of victory, the feeling of _ her _.

***

Stars burst behind Rey’s lids as Ren crashed his mouth to hers, his whole body radiating furnace-like heat. Their teeth knocked together, their passion burned hot in her veins. Every eye in the audience was on them. Every eye in the wings of the stage were on them.

She had never been more aroused in her entire life. 

The lights went dark, and it took every ounce of self-control to not chase after him when he broke away to exit stage right. Exiting stage left, she pressed her back against the closest wall, chest heaving and knees jellified. 

In the final act, she poured herself into mourning his death. The curtains closed on her draped over his prone body, shaking with quiet sobs as he held his breath to create the illusion of death. 

Her blood pumped thick and hot in her veins even after the final bow. They’d been perfect. And if Ren’s agent had kept his word, their efforts hadn’t been in vain.

While everyone raced to the lobby to greet their family and friends, Rey waited until they were out of sight to surprise Ren with another searing kiss before she whispered in his ear. 

"I'm taking an Uber to your place tonight. Meet you there in fifteen?"

Chuckling, he shook his head, murmuring, “I would love nothing more, but we can’t leave yet...our performance isn’t _ quite _ over...”

He gave her an apologetic kiss on the cheek before tugging her with him towards the exit.

"What?" the word left her lips in an elongated whine. She clung to him even as he tugged her along, trying to go for an even _ less _ tactical approach. "I want you, Ren. My blood is singing, and I want you so badly..."

He chuckled darkly. "Singing, hm? When did you get so poetic? Come on...our audience deserves the chance to see you up close—and you deserve the attention. You’ve worked so hard for it...”

She huffed as he tugged her out the stage door. She may have a talent for acting, but she couldn't keep her sour expression off her face as they stepped out and into the lobby where the audience stood talking to the cast and crew. 

Though the aching between her thighs didn't go away, she was quickly distracted by the flood of people that approached her and Ren to praise them on their performances. 

It was a well-established fact that Ren became an entirely different person around her---but when he was with her, _ and _ surrounded by people who wanted nothing more than to fawn over him, he was truly in his element. His laughter was genuine, his words of thanks believably humble, and his head remained high with an almost unbreakable grin. 

Rey, meanwhile, didn't know how to handle the onslaught of praise and compliments. She would be lying if it didn't have her head spinning. She fumbled her thank yous, blinking owlishly at every person who approached her.

"Hey, don't go getting your ego inflated over there!"

Rey beamed as Poe and Finn broke through the crowd. Poe hobbled over on his crutches, and she gave him a gentle hug as Ren stood back, glaring. 

Throughout her conversation with Poe, she noticed Finn was quieter than usual, and...staring at her. No, _ through _ her. 

"What's up?" she asked, and he quickly glanced away, amending his pensive expression into a radiant smile. 

"You did amazing, peanut. That's all." 

Rey didn't quite believe him, but before she could question her friend, a nasally voice spoke up from behind her. 

"Excuse me." 

She turned to find herself gazing into the icy blue eyes of a ginger-haired man she’d never seen before.

“My name is Armitage Hux.” He whipped a business card out of his suit jacket and thrust it out to her. "I'm a representative of the First Order Talent Agency. The playbill said that this was your first performance, and that you're a...STEM major, correct?” 

When she nodded, he pursed his lips with a bemused snort. “Well, I must be the first to inform you that you are seriously wasting your talent, and I--”

"Actually, you're _ not _ the first," Rey interrupted with steely grace, just as a warm body pressed in protectively beside her. 

Hux wrinkled his nose. “Hello, Ren.”

His eyes quickly darted to the hand on Rey's waist before raising again. Finn wasn’t so subtle. His eyes had fixed on Ren's hand, brows furrowed so tightly they practically fused. Noticing where their gazes had strayed, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, swishing her skirt to offer a distracting glimpse of her skidded knee. 

"You alright, peanut?" Finn asked as he noticed her pained expression. 

"Yeah...I tripped on that first costume right before the performance and landed pretty hard. Professor Ren almost didn't let me go on stage…”

She gave Ren a pointed look, and he snorted. "Oh, I would've _ made _ you go on stage, even if I had to wheel you around in an office chair.”

"Well, your performance did not suffer at all for it," Hux interjected with another attempt at flattery before he turned a reluctant eye on Ren again. "I had my doubts, but your play turned out to be...quite decent. Mr. Snoke will be waiting to see the reviews, of course, but I believe he will be pleased. He may sign you back, along with this talented young actress." 

"Oh really?” Ren raised his free hand to his heart, voice oozing with sarcasm. “You think he'd be so _ kind _ as to sign me back...?"

“Only because you come bearing fresh talent.” 

Rey barely heard the terse exchange. While she’d hoped the agent would be impressed, and had entertained the thought of continuing to act alongside him, she hadn’t actually expected FOTA to show any interest in _ her. _ And with what she’d read about Snoke, regardless of Ren’s reassurances...

"This was a one-time thing,” she blurted out, eyes flitting about like a cornered animal. “I’m not dropping out of school--I can’t.”

“What?” Ren yanked himself away from her with a bewildered look, which Hux mirrored. 

“You must be joking.”

When she merely shook her head, Hux’s lips thinned and he tilted his head with a calculating stare.

"If your studies are all you’re concerned about, let me assure you, you may continue whatever education you please while signed on to FOTA. I'll tell Mr. Snoke about your accomplishments here today, and once he’s read the reviews, we'll sign you on. Signing bonuses usually start at around ten thousand dollars and includes access to all the resources you will need to begin your career. Acting lessons, social media coaches, money management-- are you alright?" 

The blood had drained from her face, her eyes wide as saucers. "I uh-- Did you say ten_ thousand _ dollars?”

"Uh...we'll catch up with you later, peanut," Finn murmured. She’d almost forgotten he was there. "See you at home?" 

She was still too stunned to even look at him, mouth moving on autopilot. "Sure, yeah...I'll text you later..." 

Once her friends were gone, Ren’s arm tightened around her.

"She won't need acting lessons, she has me.”

"How _ selfless _ of you to offer your services," Hux punctuated his snide implication with another lingering glance downwards.

"So do _ I _ get ten thousand as well, or is that offer reserved for newcomers?" 

Hux raised a single sculpted brow. "Realistically, your bonus would be a larger amount due to your experience.”

"Well, I should fucking hope so--”

“_But _ your contract will likely have a few caveats addressing your expected conduct in regards to respect for property and fellow employees.”

Ren sucked his teeth, eyes rolling. "So I _ can't _ throw my cappuccino at you when you interrupt rehearsal? Who came up with these caveats, anyway? Because I don’t think I answer to anyone except--”

He hissed as Rey stamped on his foot. After clearing her throat, she asked, "So it’s settled, right? You _ will _ sign Ren on?”

Hux inclined his head. "So long as he can agree to not act like a complete savage, yes, absolutely..." 

"He’ll play nice. Won’t you, Professor?” Rey shot Ren a tight, saccharine smile, and her message was crystal clear. 

_ Stop fucking this up. _

"Yes," Ren grit out, eyes sliding back towards Hux. "Provided you won't be working anywhere near us."

Us? Since when had she agreed to an ‘us’?

The redhead’s lip curled with a sneer. "I'm sure that can be arranged.”

With that, he stepped past them, one foot halfway out the door to the parking lot. "Well Rey, you have my business card. Let me know of your final decision. Preferably _ not _ at the last moment…”


	14. Blow Up

The moment Hux disappeared, Ren tugged Rey off to the side of the room. 

"If you're going to give something up, pick the things that can _wait_, because this won't. Please, please, _please_ don't tell me you're about to throw away your future, because I'm not signing with them if you don't come with me."

"That's not _fair_," Rey hissed, that fire lighting in her eyes. "We agreed that the first priority was to get you back onto the stage, but I never said that I'd leave everything behind to join you. I really don't appreciate that kind of manipulative bullshit." 

“It’s not manipulative bullshit!” he snapped, keeping his voice low though his tone was as heated as the fire in her eyes. “There’s no _point_ in me signing without you, because I _can’t _hold up my end of the deal if you aren’t there!” 

Rey scoffed, a heavily made-up brow rising high. "Hux said that he wasn't going to even be around when you're performing!" 

“He’s not the only one who bothers me—“ Ren started before she cut him off.

"You just pulled off a successful play with a bunch of undergrad college students and you're seriously telling me that you can’t control yourself around a bunch of skilled actors?! _Spare me!_"

“Are you serious? You’ve never worked around any ‘skilled actors’ except for me, and let me tell you, they’re not much more pleasant! At least undergrads _have_ to listen or else they fail!”

"You already have a fan base. You've already succeeded in this industry. Your story will be a spectacular comeback,” she countered. “Mine...you can't guarantee me that mine will be that cut-and-dry. And if I do fail? Then I'll lose all that money in a puff of smoke and I'll have nothing!" 

People were staring. Some lingered nearby, interested in the drama. Others just glanced and hurried outside, wise enough not to get involved.

Ren didn’t seem to notice any of them as his voice rose even louder. “_You_ are a fresh face, _you_ haven’t done anything to piss off the public. And what could you do? I mean, Christ, you can’t walk into a room without someone falling in love with you! How do you not see that?”

Her eyes rolled. 

"I can't walk into a room without someone falling in love with me? When did _you_ get so bloody poetic?" she spat, throwing back his words from before.

His lip curled, caught somewhere between pain and fury. “I was being serious, but if you’re going to act like a fucking _child_ and make fun of me caring about you, go right ahead! How do you not see that the stage isn’t a _risk_ for you but a golden opportunity? Honestly, Rey, you’re too smart to be so goddamned blind to what’s right in front of you...”

_How. Fucking. Dare. He._

"I'm too _smart_ to be so God. Damned. Blind?" she demanded, taking a step closer to him. He flinched away, as if afraid she was about to deck him.

"Maybe you have a point. Maybe I've been blind to a lot of things, haven't I?" 

Her voice dripped with poison and ice. Grabbing the side door, she flung it open and stormed through backstage. Angry tears stung at the corner of her eyes and blurred her vision. Bursting into the long-deserted dressing room, she wasted no time stripping off her costume.

_Why does he have to try to_ force _me to change everything I've ever worked to achieve?! Why can't he just be happy that all I want to do is_ support _him?! I don't want to risk everything I've gotten on a gamble! Just because he's been in the industry doesn't mean he can guarantee I'll be a success. If anything, it means that he'll focus so much on trying to make sure that I succeed that if I fail, he goes down with me. And then we've gone and ruined_ both _our lives! He's being absolutely unreasonable. Why can't he just see that? Why does he have to just push and push--_

She didn’t even try to be careful with the delicate costume as she ripped it over her head and threw it on the ground, all but jumping into her jeans and t-shirt. Though her anger was still at the forefront of her mind, that infuriating part of her brain that had to be _balanced_ about everything was slowly getting louder, informing her on no uncertain terms that she had acted just as unreasonably as Ren did. 

_But he tried to manipulate me by saying that he wasn't going to sign unless I do!_

_Because he honestly believes he can't do it without you._

_He wants me to give up everything I've worked for!_

_He wants you to give acting a try, but he never said you had to quit school. Even Hux said that they would work around your schedule._

_He...he called me a fucking child._

_You’re both acting childish._

She groaned and bent to pick up the costume and hang it up properly when something smashed. Heat rushed to her throat and she jumped, but soon realized the sound came from the hall. As she rushed out the door, more crashes sounded from the men's dressing room, and she flung open the door to see...Ren. Fists bloody. Face red. Glass strewn all over the place.

All she could hear was a steady drip from his fingers to the floor, then her own whisper. "What...what did you do?" 

Grabbing the First Aid kit off the wall, she rushed to his side. "Bloody hell, Ren..." her voice caught in her throat as a tear streaked down her cheek. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine, leave it…”

"Sit down, you oaf," she ordered. It was only when he complied that she would pull out the tweezers from the kit and begin extracting the glass from his hands.

_Why did he do this to himself? Is this what Hux was talking about with his ‘caveats’ for Ren? Sure, he threw something after our first argument, and rumor says he’s flipped a few desks in previous classes, but this... He didn't just cause a bit of clutter, he hurt himself. Did I really push him that far? Is this all because of me? _

***

_You stupid fucker, you useless, unhinged bastard. Can’t even wait to get home to throw one of your tantrums. Now you have to pay for this mirror, who knows how much that’s going to set you back, not to mention the hospital bill—_ No, no hospital. He couldn’t afford it. Besides, he deserved this. 

Falling against the wall, Ren just stared at his shaking, bloody fist. These outbursts were _so_ much more painful when he was sober... 

His ragged breathing and hissed curses suddenly halted at the sound of approaching footsteps. _Oh god, don’t be a janitor, don’t be anyone coming to ask questions, I’ll end up in a jail cell at the rate I’m going—_

The door flew open, and his heart stopped. Rey? 

He knew she’d probably heard him, if she’d still been in the dressing room next door, but he didn’t think she’d _help_. She had to know what that crashing sound meant: he was fucking up again, demonstrating all the reasons she should run far, far away....yet here she was. 

Hissing as she grabbed his hand, he stumbled into the chair, lacking the strength to protest. It was a miracle she even cared if he lived or died, let alone if he’d just cut himself…

“Why are you helping me?” he asked in a shaky murmur, wincing as another shard was pulled from his skin. It was only then he looked in her eyes long enough to see the half-dried tears on her cheeks. 

“I made you cry...” His voice choked up again and he pulled his hands back from her, not caring if the glass stayed in there until his skin festered and went black. It was the least he deserved at this point. “You don’t have to do this, just....just go home, get your rest....”

He wanted to look up at her, search her expression for any sign that she might _not_ leave, but fear and guilt quickly override that desire. Of course she’d leave him. She just helped because it was what people were supposed to do, even when they hated the person they’re helping. So his eyes stayed down, fixated on the blood trickling from the slices in his knuckles down to his wrist, leaving bright red streaks in their wake. 

"Give me your hand." Her open palm shot into his field of vision as she commanded him. "Give me your hand because you're my lover, and you're bleeding, and I'm not letting you leave here until you’re bandaged up.”

He swallowed thickly before settling his bloody hand on top of hers. 

“‘Lover’...?” His eyes darted to the tweezers that were about to dig into him again. 

He wasn’t sure what to make of this term. Half of him was elated she thought of him as anything other than a sworn enemy, but the other half bemoaned the lesser status of ‘lover’ when compared to ‘boyfriend’ or ‘partner’. He’d honestly been thinking of Rey as his girlfriend this whole time. Now that he thought about it, he supposed he’d never officially asked....but now certainly wasn’t the time to do it.

"Well, what would you call it?" Rey grumbled, though there was no malice in her voice as she gently removed the glass.

His fingers jerked a second later as the last shard was pulled out, and he grit his teeth, trying not to yelp. “I don’t know, lover just implies...you know...” 

"We've fought for about eighty percent of the time we've known each other. The other fifteen percent has been made up of flirting and sex, and that leaves about five percent of actual conversation. None of which has been about whether we're going out or committed to each other or...whatever. So yeah, lover was about as far as I got."

Her words were clipped, and rather matter-of-fact, but the redness in her cheeks spread to her ears before she'd finished her first sentence. So she clearly felt _something _about this. 

But fighting and fucking...was that really all they did? 

He cleared his throat and attempted to transmute his thoughts into the most rational, level-headed message he could muster. “I don’t think it’s like that at all. A lot of our time is spent working together. And when you came over, we talked for a long, long time, before and after we made—“ he stopped himself to choose a less _poetic_ phrase. “After we had sex. And a lot of those conversations involved our future together. Maybe it wasn’t in overtly romantic terms, but I thought it was clear we wanted to be together...in a long-term sense.”

“I thought we were going for a real long-term relationship, too, but you made it very clear--" He tensed up again as she started up again with a sharper pitch until she cut herself off, apparently struggling to stay rational too. "I just..._got the feeling_ back there that it was all-or-nothing. Either I agree to take on this incredibly alien industry or that's it. What if all I can do is support you from the sidelines?"

“Or that’s it?” He tilted his head as he leaned in closer. “Rey...I’m not going to _leave_ you if you don’t sign. That’s not what I was saying at all. Your support means everything to me, it’s just...I know I’d have a hard time supporting _your_ career choice since I know you could have so much more.”

“I...just don’t want you to resent me,” she admitted, her voice soft. 

“I won’t. I promise.”

Biting at the inside of her lip, she turned her eyes towards the lights, blinking away the moisture that threatened to morph into a tear. 

“But you would try, at least? Even if it was hard, you would support me if I decided that all I want is to go into Aerospace Engineering?”

“I would support your decision if it was for the right reasons,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “If you genuinely wanted to use engineering to change the world, or actually _enjoyed_ the work—though I can’t imagine why—then yes. I’d want you to choose whatever makes you happy. But if you’re just picking it because it’s ‘safe’...I would still want to be with you, but I’d have to say, I’d be extremely disappointed. Because if our relationship says _anything_ about you, it’s that playing it safe isn’t really who you are.”

When she closed her eyes and inhaled, he held his breath, preparing for either a full-blown rejection, or for her to try and convince him as well as herself that she did love burying her nose in all those figures. 

Instead, she grabbed the disinfectant and motioned him to the sink. "Come on..."

He followed, but eyed the hydrogen peroxide warily. He usually didn't bother with much more than water, Neosporin, and bandages when it came to treating his own wounds. But he nodded when she asked if he was ready, keeping his eyes steadily on the pouring liquid-- until his skin started to _bubble_. 

"Jesus fucking Christ...." he seethed under his breath, eyes screwed shut as he struggled to keep his stinging hand in place long enough for her to cleanse the wounds. 

"You know I grew up in the foster care system, and you know that I've been in foster homes. I was in one home for most of my life...”

He could ignore the sizzling chemicals when he had her to listen to. As soon as she said 'foster care', he knew this would be important, and held onto every word in a desperate attempt to understand her. There were times before when he thought he did, but the picture was always half complete. All of her infuriating stubbornness, everything that apparently made up eighty percent of their time together, came down to this deep, hidden part of her story.

“It was in the middle of the desert, in a town in the middle of nowhere called Jakku. Our caretaker-- if you can even call him that-- he was horrible. He took kids in for the government checks, fed and clothed us, but he was a monster. He hated us. He made us work in the junkyard he owned. We scavenged for scrap in exchange for a hot meal for supper, and if we didn't find anything good after a day of working then he'd throw us a...I don't even know what it was...some kind of cereal bar that I swear was held together with glue.

“Anyway, there was an airplane in the junkyard. It had been picked apart and gutted, but I used to climb into the cockpit and pretend I was flying. There were always planes flying over us. The sound of their engineers roared like thunder in the quiet of the desert. I spent my days imagining climbing into my empty little plane and flying away. That I could go anywhere in the world. I became obsessed with airplanes, and then...well, that's how I ended up with an aerospace scholarship and a full ride to this university."

A weak smile flickered across his otherwise pained expression as he imagined child-Rey in her little pretend plane. For a moment, he wondered why she didn't just go into piloting instead, since that was more in-demand...but Rey was also an overachiever. Why fly around the world when you could fly to the moon instead? 

"If you become a famous enough actress, you could just _buy_ a plane. Or a rocketship," he said, mostly teasing just to try and lighten her mood as well as his own while he was still trying to endure a great deal of pain. "But I get it--I mean, I can't say I _understand_, what you went through must've been just...unimaginable." 

He really wasn't good at this. No matter what his brain came up with, he felt he kept screwing up, or that there was simply no way to express empathy in a way that sounded genuine. If he let out everything he was feeling, he'd just end up on a furious tirade about hunting down her ‘caretaker’, and that wouldn't do her any good. 

He let out a shuddering sigh as she washed the chemicals away and patted him dry. His flesh still stung, but less fiercely than before.

"I don't want to just buy myself an airplane,” she said, winding a bandage around his palm. “Well...I guess I do. But I want to understand it first. Ideally, I want to build a plane of my very own. I'm more focused on the aeronautical side of engineering. Spaceships are cool and all, but they don't leave much room for creativity when one loose bolt could make the whole thing blow up before it even left the launchpad."

"So...you're going to school for years and years to build your own plane and fly it?” His brows knit and he shook his head with a dry chuckle. “If that's all you want, well...I can tell you it doesn't require a degree. Or even much common sense. I'd send you to someone who could tell you more about it, maybe even teach you. But you'd have to talk to him yourself.”

Despite bringing up the subject to help her, Ren couldn't stop his expression from souring. Why he didn't know more about all of this gearhead business? Given his family history, he _should_\---but he'd just never had the interest. What was the point in putting together some piece of junk, over and over until it was functional, when you could just buy something pre-made that would still get you where you needed to go?

“I— well, I-I’m going to build more than just a plane for myself…”

Her protests were weakening. What did she actually want? If it were so cut and dry as her wanting to do engineering above all else, and dismissing acting as nothing more than some frivolous hobby, she wouldn’t be here arguing with him about it. She’d just do what she wanted and be done with it. So his opinion on this had to _matter_ to her. And he could tell he was making a dent, too. She tended to stammer just before he got something he wanted. 

"I _do_ understand wanting to escape,” he said, intuition whispering that this was the root of her whole problem. “I usually had the money to fly or drive away from my problems if I wanted to, but that never really fixed anything. So...acting is my escape. From everything money can't buy."

“I can see that. It... It was fun, up there. I really..." Her brows began to furrow. "But it's still so new. I survived my time in that home because of that plane. It gave me a future that I never thought I would get; to go to college and study and actually live a real life..."

"Maybe that was the thing that kept you alive then. But now that you're here--going to college, studying---why not aim for a little more than a _real_ life? Why not an extraordinary one?"

Floundering for a moment, her mouth opened and closed a couple times before she said, “But I... it’s just... There’s so much more to it than just acting on the stage. The publicity stuff, the after-show, all the work it takes to even get the job... I don’t know if I can do all that.”

“What do you think people like Hux are for?” he drawled. “People like _that_ handle all the stuff that doesn’t require talent. The publicity and politics. You just do what your agent says—provided they give you a good one—and if there’s anything else you’re confused about, I can fill in the gaps. All you have to do is show up, look pretty, and _perform_. Just like you did tonight, but on a grander scale. If you can get yourself a full scholarship in an _aerospace_ program, I think a little handshaking should be easy enough.”

His breath hitched a second later as he felt her head press against his chest. Sliding his arms around her, he was tempted to squeeze her against him and never let go, but settled for a gentle, loose embrace instead. 

“I don’t know, Ren. I just don’t know...it’s... how can it be that easy? There has to be a catch or...something...”

“Success in creative fields isn’t about how hard you work. It’s who you know, and whether or not you get lucky. It helps to work hard, or be naturally talented, _in case_ you get lucky like tonight....but once you’re in, you’re in. And as for the acting lessons...” His head dipped, lips pressing against the top of her head as he murmured, “I hope that won’t feel _too_ much like work, considering I’ll be your teacher.”

Her laugh vibrated against his chest and he smiled, eyes closing as he nuzzled against her hair. He'd never taken this kind of affection for granted, but he couldn't have been more grateful for it than in a moment like this. He'd come so close to losing it all...but he'd gotten a second chance. Just like his career. His arms encircled her a little tighter before he felt her shifting to look up at him.

“No, it wouldn’t feel like work if it’s with you,” she admitted.

Meeting her gaze, he waited with anticipation, hoping she'd go ahead and say 'yes' already--but he was getting ahead of himself. She looked exhausted, and honestly, so was he. After such a long, eventful night, she probably wanted to crawl in bed and sleep off the stress before making any decisions. He just hoped she'd want to do that at his place instead of her own. 

Then, her eyes drifted down, and his lips curved into a faint smirk. _Mm, I think I know what you want..._ he thought, though when he leaned in to kiss her, it was slow and purposeful. Given the intensity of all that had happened, he wasn't sure she wanted heat and passion so much as reassurance. Gentleness. 

_Love_, even, though he knew she wouldn't say it.

His uninjured hand slid up her back until his fingers threaded through her hair. He realized he hadn't exactly apologized yet, not aloud, but hoped she might be able to sense his regret as he moved his mouth against hers, careful not to push too hard or get carried away by the lingering electricity in his veins.

Feeling her arms slip around him, he leaned into her, moaning softly in surprise at the feel of her tongue against his lips. Opening up for her, he deepened the kiss as his hand gently grasped the back of her neck. Just as he felt his pulse start to pick up, spreading heat from his core throughout every part of his body, she pulled back and he caught his breath. 

“Can I come to your place tonight?” 

His lips spread in a surprised grin at her words before he shook his head cheekily. “No, absolutely not, that’s the _last_ thing I want...” 

Rey put on an exaggerated pouty-face as he made a show of refusing her, whining softly and pressing herself closer to him. “What a monster...” 

_Yes I am._

**Author's Note:**

> Check out the [Spotify Playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5rOd42r30zzbv8seXRcpgz?si=rJEcFgTmRpuqK08V8fZkTg) Julia made for this story!


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